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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27089167">Herein Lies My Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/messandahalf/pseuds/messandahalf'>messandahalf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Modern Day Romance [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Arthur Pendragon and Merlin Need To Use Their Words, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Good Morgana (Merlin), Idiots in Love, Insecure Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Sexual Content, Smut, Uther Pendragon's A+ Parenting (Merlin), Wedding Planning, Weddings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:42:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>50,597</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27089167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/messandahalf/pseuds/messandahalf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Planning a wedding is always stressful on its own. Throw in a disapproving father, a rebelling sister, some well meaning friends, and just a pinch of panic and self-doubt, and you have a recipe for disaster.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Modern Day Romance [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This work will have a lot more explicit sexual content than previous parts of this series. This is your one and only warning lol. Hopefully you’re all okay with that. If smut makes you uncomfortable, then... I’m sorry?? (Also, I find established relationships very hard to write, so please bear with me!!)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Consciousness tickled at Arthur's mind, making him reluctantly blink awake. The sun was shining in around the edges of the curtain, illuminating enough of the room for Arthur to see Merlin still sleeping peacefully beside him. They had separated from each other in the night, the unusually warm warm weather outside making staying pressed together all night a rather unsavoury option. Even still, Arthur can't help but smile as he looks over his fiancé. He looks peaceful in his sleep. With them both about a month and a half into their last year of university, looking peaceful while awake often didn't happen.</p><p>   Try as he might, Arthur can't quite help but reach out and run his fingers lightly through Merlin's mess of black locks. His gentle touch still wakes him, but Arthur can't seem to bring himself to feel guilty about Merlin being dragged awake as well. He watches with fond amusement as Merlin scrunches his nose up, groaning in annoyance as he finally opens his eyes.</p><p>   "Morning." Arthur hums, shuffling closer to press a light kiss to Merlin's forehead. Merlin sighs softly, blinking a few times to clear his eyes as he reaches a hand out to run over Arthur's bare shoulder.</p><p>   "Morning." He replies, voice still mildly thick with sleep. Arthur shivers at the sound. He would never truly get over just how <em>hot</em> his fiancé was in the morning. There's a familiar flutter in his chest as he nuzzles at Merlin's nose, pressing their lips together briefly. Merlin hums in approval.</p><p>   "Do we have any plans today?" Arthur asks, already knowing the answer to his question, even as he voices it out loud.</p><p>   Merlin groans against his lips, then replies, "Wedding planning. We've barely done anything."</p><p>   Arthur's lips trail down Merlin's jaw, voice slightly muffled as he says, "We haven't even picked a date yet. Surely all the other planning can wait."</p><p>   Merlin chuckles, indulging Arthur for only a minute or two before pushing his shoulders away gently. "Exactly, which is why we have to work on it today. We've been engaged for two months, Arthur. People are starting to ask questions."</p><p>   A groan rips itself from Arthur's throat as Merlin rolls away and tosses aside the covers. A rush of cold air curls around Arthur's warm body, and without Merlin there to help, he feels a chill creep in. He groans again as he turns away and curls up under his side of the covers. Merlin chuckles again, shifting to hover over him.</p><p>   "If you get up now," he breathes against Arthur's ear, "then maybe I'll suck you off in the shower."</p><p>   Arthur has never moved so fast in his life, twisting around to capture Merlin's lips with his own. He reaches a hand up to prevent Merlin from pulling away too soon for his liking, but Merlin has no plans of going anywhere just yet. He licks into Arthur's mouth, sucking on his tongue, until Arthur is left panting with a heat curling in his gut.</p><p>   "I think you've convinced me." He says breathlessly, making Merlin grin almost wickedly back. Arthur was honestly doomed the minute he met Merlin. The man knew all of Arthur's buttons, and which ones to push in order to get whatever he wanted. Within reason.</p><p>   "I'll get the water started." Merlin replies before pressing their lips together once more, and then slipping out of the room. Arthur watches him go, lost in a lusty haze of fog. Only once he hears the water turn on does he think to move.</p><p>   Merlin is already under the spray of hot water by the time Arthur stumbles in, a change of clothes tucked under one arm. He glances coyly at Arthur over one shoulder, watching appreciatively as Arthur strips his briefs off and steps in to join him. Immediately, Merlin turns in his arms, and seals their lips together. Arthur barely even notices the piping hot water pounding down on him. Normally, he would at least complain a bit about how Merlin secretly wanted to melt his skin off with the heat of the water. It was amazing how fingers curling around one's cock could cut off all other coherent thought.</p><p>   Cold tiles are pressed against his back, and he gasps against Merlin's mouth. He can feel the grin on the man's face as he presses closer, once again invading his mouth with his tongue. Arthur relaxes and hands over total control. There's no one he trusts with his vulnerability more than Merlin. Merlin feels the subtle shift in Arthur's energy and groans.</p><p>   Pulling away from Arthur's mouth, Merlin starts to press kisses to his jaw and down his throat. Arthur is already panting as he lets his head fall back against the tile wall. He swallows thickly as Merlin reaches his chest, tongue and teeth teasing one nipple before biting and licking their way over to the other one. Restless hands run over his hips and taut stomach. The light touches make his muscles tighten and quiver more. The bathroom is already filled with Arthur's breathy sighs and semi-choked off moans as Merlin works his way lower, finally coming to rest on his knees, hands running up and down over Arthur's thighs.</p><p>   When Arthur looks down, he meets Merlin's seemingly wide and innocent eyes looking back, blue and almost doleful. He swears loudly and runs his fingers into Merlin's wet hair, tugging just enough on the locks to make the man moan in approval, and lean closer to where Arthur wants him. His cock jerks against his stomach as he feels Merlin's breath ghost over it.</p><p>   "Shit, Merlin." He groans, already gone and sounding wrecked. Merlin's innocent look disappears as he grins up at Arthur, all scrunched eyes and white teeth. It only lasts a moment before he leans forward, taking the base of Arthur's cock in one hand and licking a stripe up the underside in one smooth motion. It was amazing how Merlin's usual clumsiness disappeared whenever they did anything remotely sexual. Arthur closes his eyes, reveling in the feeling of his fiancé's hot tongue licking over his hard cock. His knees only shake a bit as Merlin's full lips wrap around his tip.</p><p>   Merlin groans as Arthur tightens his grip in his hair, letting a little more of Arthur slip into his mouth. One thing about Merlin, Arthur had noticed, was that the man loved to tease. He took his sweet time, until Arthur was practically crying and begging him, before he moved so sinfully and filthily that Arthur was done embarrassingly quickly. Apparently, this morning was going to be no different. Arthur contemplates just fucking himself into Merlin's mouth, but Merlin seems to anticipate this, and surprisingly strong hands settle on his hips and keep him pinned to the wall.</p><p>   "<em>Mer</em>lin!" He tries to growl, but it comes out much too weak to sound as threatening and annoyed as he had planned. Merlin chuckles in his throat, the sound sending vibrations through Arthur that make him inhale sharply.</p><p>   Agonizingly slowly, Merlin takes more of him into his mouth, pulling back too quickly for Arthur's liking. A pitiful whimper, that has Arthur's cheeks flushing red, slips past his defenses. Merlin's hand around the base slowly slides over him, slicked by water and spit. Arthur tries to glare down at him, but the smug grin, still somehow so full of love and affection, stills all complaints in their tracks.</p><p>   "Have I ever told you how good you taste?" Merlin purrs, mouthing at Arthur's cock, letting his teeth graze just enough to make Arthur hiss.</p><p>   "You might have mentioned it once or twice." Arthur replies, voice rough. Merlin tilts his head contemplatively.</p><p>   "You're much too coherent. If you can still talk in full sentences then clearly I'm not doing a very good job." Merlin's words are followed by a cheeky grin, as if it hadn't been his own idea to simply tease Arthur in the first place.</p><p>   Arthur's mouth opens, retort at the ready, but the words die in his throat as Merlin quickly swallows him down. His fingers curl reflexively in Merlin's hair, to the point that he is sure it must hurt. Merlin makes no complaint, just pulls back, his cheeks hollowing as he sucks harshly. Arthur's knees start to shake as he dives back down, taking Arthur in greedily. He feels himself slide down Merlin's throat as Merlin's nose presses into his pubic hair. His eyes fall closed again as he lets his head fall back against the wall, mouth open in a moan. Merlin swallows around him before pulling back with slightly watery eyes. He inhales deeply through his nose before starting the process over again.</p><p>   Arthur finishes with a shout. Merlin swallows around him one more time before pulling off him, taking his time to lick him clean with the soft little kitten licks that he knows drive Arthur wild. Arthur slumps bonelessly against the wall, flushed and trying to catch his breath. He peeks one eye open as Merlin gets to his feet.</p><p>   "D'you?" He asks haltingly, gesturing toward Merlin's own neglected cock. Merlin grins sheepishly, cheeks reddening.</p><p>   "I, uh-- No, I'm good." He replies. Arthur opens both eyes and looks down. Sure enough, Merlin's cock is softening between his thighs. Huh. He hadn't even felt Merlin let go of one hip to finish himself off.</p><p>   A smile pulls at the corners of Arthur's mouth as he sighs out, "Fuck, I love you, Merlin."</p><p>   "I know." Merlin grins. "And aren't you lucky that I love you right back?" He adds on cheekily, giving Arthur an over the top wink as he grabs Arthur's arms and pulls him under the spray of water again. His words send a jolt of emotions rushing through Arthur's whole body, constricting around his heart. He was damn lucky. He still had no idea how he had managed to not only <em>get</em> a man like Merlin, but also <em>kept</em> a man like Merlin.</p><p>   Merlin, seemingly oblivious to Arthur's thoughts, lathers shampoo first in his own hair, then Arthur's. His multi-skilled fingers massage into his scalp, making Arthur groan in appreciation. They wash each other almost reverently, stealing kisses here and there. It wasn't every day that they got to shower together, their conflicting school and work schedules often keeping them apart for most of the day. A rare shared day off like today was something special to cherish.</p><p>   They dry off together, Arthur lamenting the fact that Merlin was pulling on clothes despite his protestations against it. A work of art was meant to be on display, not covered up. At least, not for him. No one else was allowed to view Merlin in all his naked glory. Merlin gives him a look of fond exasperation, pulling him into a messy and short-lived kiss before slipping out into the hall to go get started on breakfast. Arthur debates just leaving his towel wrapped low around his hips, but ends up pulling his own clothes on, leaving his towel draped over the shower curtain rod, and following Merlin out.</p><p>   He finds Merlin already at the stove, and walks up behind him, wrapping his arms snugly around his waist and propping his chin on his shoulder. Merlin tilts his head slightly, letting their heads rest together for a moment before straightening up and focusing fully on the cooking eggs and sausages. Arthur watches him for a moment before turning his head and burying his nose in Merlin's neck. He's close enough behind him that he feels Merlin shiver ever so slightly. He grins in victory.</p><p>   Merlin huffs slightly. "You could be useful and get dishes out. Or get started on the coffee."</p><p>   "As you wish." Arthur says against his skin, making him shiver again. He pulls away slowly, letting his hands slide around to linger on his ass before Merlin swats at him with a laugh. Arthur's heart flutters madly as he steps away fully and turns to pull out plates and cutlery. The coffee has already brewed, so Arthur pulls out two large mugs as well, mixing them each to perfection. He still wrinkles his nose at how much cream and sugar his fiancé takes in his. Coffee was meant to kickstart your body for the day, not risk giving you cavities.</p><p>   A hum rumbles in Merlin's chest as Arthur returns to his side and presses a mug into his hand. Arthur presses a kiss to his cheek, making it as wet and obnoxious as he possible can. Merlin shoves him away with his free hand, trying to glare but falling short as he loses control of his grin.</p><p>   "You're disgusting." He complains. Arthur winks.</p><p>   "And yet you still chose me." He quips, dancing back from the backhanded swat aimed his way. Merlin rolls his eyes and turns back to the stove, lifting his mug to his lips to take a long drink. He winches slightly against the heat as he swallows. Arthur just smiles at the sight. At how he hopes that Merlin never changes. God, Morgana was right. He was disgustingly besotted.</p><p>   Merlin flips the elements off, transferring breakfast from the pan to the plates beside him. When the toaster goes off, he sets the pan in the sink, and pulls two biscuits out, nicely browned. Arthur's mouth waters as Merlin butters both biscuits, placing them on the plates before carrying them both carefully over to the table. Arthur fetches his coffee mug from beside the stove where Merlin left it, and brings it to the table. He gets an appreciative smile in return.</p><p>   They eat in an easy silence, and Arthur almost forgets about their daunting plans for the day, until Merlin sets down his fork on his plate, and says, "We need to pick a date."</p><p>   Arthur swirls the last of his coffee around in his mug as he replies, "That depends on how soon after you want to go on a honeymoon. I had assumed that would have to wait until after school was finished."</p><p>   Leaning across the table, Merlin pulls the mug from Arthur's hands and sets it aside, curling his fingers with Arthur's after. "Arthur, at this point I'm not even sure that I care about a honeymoon. I am just so ready to be married to the most amazing man I know. Unfortunately, you'll have to make do."</p><p>   "Oh, ha ha. You're very funny, <em>Mer</em>lin." Arthur drawls, rolling his eyes as Merlin snorts out a laugh.</p><p>   There is a twinkle in Merlin's eye as he says, "But seriously, calling you my fiancé is great and all, but I do really want to be able to call you my husband."</p><p>   Arthur chews on his lip, uncertain and thoughtful. "I'm sure if you're keen enough on it, we could fit something in around school. This is the last year for both of us, so I'm fully aware that the workload is quite strenuous."</p><p>   Merlin bites his lip to hold back a smile. "What about our break between semesters? There won't be any work to put off while we indulge in fantastic wedding sex, and stress with be as minimal as we can get it."</p><p>   His body's immediate reaction to Merlin's casual topic of sex makes Arthur blush. He clears his throat to try and cover it up, shifting in his seat to try to get more comfortable. Merlin<em>(damn him!)</em> notices, and promptly grins wickedly. Arthur scowls at him, pushing his chair back and rising to his feet to gather their dishes, taking them to the sink to wash. As the water slowly fills the sink, the implications of what they just talked about hit him fully. The end of the semester. <em>This</em> semester. The very same one that will be over just before the holidays.</p><p>   "Are you sure that you want to have a Christmas wedding? It'll be damn cold out for anything outdoorsy." He says, back to the room as he adds a few pumpfuls of soap to the water. He hears the chair push back from the table, one leg screeching across the floor. He tries not to flinch. Footsteps approach, and yet, he still startles slightly when arms wrap around his waist.</p><p>   "I love Christmas." Merlin says softly against his hair. "It's my favourite time of the year. This will just give me an extra reason to love it."</p><p>   Arthur hums, dishes forgotten. "When you pictured your dream wedding as a little girl, did you always imagine a winter wedding?" He gets a gentle slap to his stomach for his comment.</p><p>   "I'm fairly certain I'm not a girl, if you begging for my cock last night is anything to go by." Merlin retorts easily. Arthur groans, dropping his head forward onto his chest.</p><p>   "You can't just say stuff like that." He says a little breathlessly. His delightful fiancé snorts in his neck. "But really, is a winter wedding really what you want?"</p><p>   A silence follows Arthur's question, filling the room. Arthur lets his eyes fall to the sink full of bubbly water. He idly recalls that he had been preparing to wash their breakfast dishes, but doesn't move to continue the task. It's almost like he feels frozen. He doesn't want to push Merlin into doing something he doesn't want to do. He doesn't want him to look back and regret their wedding.</p><p>   Gentle, but demanding, hands on his hips force him to turn around. As soon as he is facing Merlin, his mouth gets covered by plush lips. Arthur can feel the reassurance that Merlin is trying to convey, and it relaxes his shoulders. As Merlin continues to kiss him languidly, he slowly feels the tension completely drain from his body.</p><p>   When Merlin pulls back, he doesn't go far. "Arthur, I want you to know that the only detail about this wedding that I am going t be a stickler on, is the person I am getting married to. We could be wed by some awful Elvis Presley wannabe reject, straight from Las Vegas, under a shifty bridge at night, wearing nothing but garbage bags, and I would still be happy. It's you, Arthur. You're the only detail that matters. If we have our wedding in the winter, I will cherish the memories we make just as much as I would a wedding in the summer. I promise."</p><p>   Arthur <em>absolutely</em> does not have tears in his eyes that he has to blink away rapidly. Thankfully, Merlin doesn't comment on their (non)existence. Instead, he just smiles softly, taking his hands off Arthur's hips to take his hands in his. He gives them a firm squeeze, and Arthur squeezes back. Arthur is still honestly amazed at how easily Merlin not only manages to pull all sorts of previously hidden emotions out of him, but also how at ease and safe he makes Arthur feel while doing so.</p><p>   "After Christmas, but before New Year." Arthur says. Merlin breaks out into a dazzling grin.</p><p>   "How about the twenty-eighth?" Merlin asks.</p><p>   Arthur takes a moment to think. That gave them just over two months to get everything organized. It certainly wasn't ideal, but if this was truly what Merlin wanted, then Arthur would move Heaven and Earth to make it happen for him. Of course, there was the small issue of late family and friend get togethers for Christmas.</p><p>   "Perhaps the twenty-ninth would be better. There's a better chance that people won't still be busy for the holidays. Not everyone is as attached to plans on the actual day as you." He teases, giving Merlin's hands another firm squeeze.</p><p>   After a rather dramatic eye roll, Merlin nods and says, "The twenty-ninth it is. Now, we need to get invites designed and made up. The sooner the better, so we can get the out. We need to decide on a venue. That close to Christmas could be tricky, but maybe we can just throw your last name around a little bit? I've found that works quite well in a pinch. We'll both need to decide on a wedding party, and make sure that they all get along. Then there's who we're actually going to invite, and once we know the venue, we will need to work out seating for them all. Then there's colours or themes, food and catering. What are doing about a wedding cake? We'll need a list of allergies from everyone."</p><p>   Arthur stares at Merlin wordlessly, mouth slightly agape. He knew that a planning a wedding would be a lot of work, but he wasn't expecting quite this much. Maybe he could convince Merlin to hire a wedding planner? They obviously existed for a reason, right? To make the whole process less of a headache for everyone involved? Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe they should wait until after the school year was done. He should have waited to propose. Or at least started this process two months ago. He feels like an idiot now.</p><p>   "Arthur, are you even paying any attention?" Merlin asks, snapping his fingers in front of his face. Arthur blinks out of his thoughts, giving Merlin a bashful look.</p><p>   "Sorry." He says, only slightly apologetically. "That's just a lot all at once. Shouldn't we break it down into smaller parts so it isn't quite so daunting?"</p><p>   His fiancé is looking at him with mild exasperation, like maybe that was exactly what he was just saying while Arthur was very inconveniently not listening. He doesn't say anything about it though, just sighs heavily through his nose as he nods his head.</p><p>   "I'm really hoping that I can rely on your help with all this." Merlin says softly. Arthur gulps. He was a logical and organized person. Give him a business problem, and he could have it broken down and solved in no time. He was a leader, though. He could do his part, but he knew when to delegate a task to someone more knowledgeable on the subject. This was one such task that, at work, he would almost definitely delegate.</p><p>   He settles what he hopes is a sincere smile on his face as he says, "Of course, Merlin. Whatever you need." The words almost stick in his throat, almost choke off his air supply. He hated lying to Merlin. Maybe he could convince Gwen to help him with his share of the duties. Surely Gwen would take pity on him, even if she and Merlin had become very good friends themselves.</p><p>   Merlin's answering smile looks relieved. "Good. Thank you, Arthur. I know this will be a a bit out of your comfort zone."</p><p>   That statement nearly makes Arthur laugh, it was such a gross understatement. He swallows against the panic lurking in his chest. He could do this. He could juggle work, school, and planning his wedding all at the same time. If Merlin was prepared to, then so could he. This was a bad idea. Such a stupidly bad idea. They shouldn't do this. They couldn't. There was no way they could pull this off. There was too much to do, and not nearly enough time.</p><p>   "Are you all right?" Merlin asks, eyes concerned. His gentle fingers are cradling Arthur's jaw. "Is everything okay? You're not having second thoughts are you?"</p><p>   The pain clear as day in both Merlin's eyes and his voice makes Arthur's heart constrict. He loved Merlin. This was what he wanted. He could, and <em>would</em>, do this. They would be just fine. Right? They had to be. Arthur couldn't imagine a future where they weren't fine. Such an eventuality just... couldn't exist.</p><p>   "I'm perfect, Love." He replies, delighted to see the usual flush to Merlin's cheeks at the endearment. He just had to treat this like any other issue that he dealt with at school and work. Break it down and tackle each part separately. This would be a walk in the park. Still, he couldn't quite extinguish the flame of panic flickering very softly in his gut. Not even the sparkle in Merlin's eyes could blow it out. He grits his teeth, resolving to simply ignore it. It seemed as good a solution as any.</p><p>   Tugging Merlin closer, he kisses him softly. The little flame wavers, but remains lit. Merlin sighs, melting into him and making his heart flutter, overshadowing the little speck of doubt and panic. As long as he had Merlin in his arms, he would be fine. As long as his heart belonged to his Love, and his Love's heart to him, nothing would go wrong. He firmly believed that. He had too, or he'd truly panic and second guess himself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   It was the next day that Arthur receives a text from Morgana, asking him when he would be free to meet her for lunch. The whole thing is so horribly vague, that he can't help but think that something has happened. As he hasn't had the time to see Morgana in person lately, he jumps at the chance. They go back and forth a bit before deciding to do dinner that very night instead. For some reason, Arthur feels himself grow inexplicably nervous. The woman was practically his sister. They grew up together. Went through their teen, high school years together. Why would he be nervous to meet her now?</p>
<p>   At six o'clock sharp, Arthur walked into the decently classy restaurant that Morgana had chosen. He catches sight of her right away, lifting his hand in a wave. She returns it just as a petite brunette sidles up between them.</p>
<p>   "Can I help you, Sir?" She asks. He looks at her, and realizes that, once upon a time, he would've flirted shamelessly with her. Now, he can't help but compare her long, wavy hair and tiny waist to the sharp angles and plains of lean muscle that he had left behind at home.</p>
<p>   "Yes." He says, still giving her a charming smile, but it certainly doesn't reach his eyes. "I'm here to meet someone for dinner. I'm sure she made a reservation. It'll either be under Pendragon or Le Fay."</p>
<p>   The woman smiles back, a dainty flush to her cheeks, before dropping her eyes to the book behind the counter. "Ah, yes. Right this way, Sir." She says, already moving to lead him over to where Morgana waited for him. Arthur follows, catching the seated woman's eyes. She quirks an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p>   "Thank you." Arthur says when they reach the table. The woman smiles back, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, exposing her pale throat.</p>
<p>   "Is there anything else I can help you with?" She asks innocently enough, but her meaning is clear.</p>
<p>   Arthur smiles indulgently as he says, "No, thank you." The woman looks a little disappointed, but covers it well with a smile and a nod. As she leaves, Morgana turns her head to focus on him.</p>
<p>   "Still breaking hearts everywhere you go? The whole community of single men and women must have been heartbroken when Merlin snatched you off the market." She says with a grin. Arthur can feel himself blushing, and curses Morgana's existence.</p>
<p>   "It's good to see you as well, 'Gana. Although, if I had known that you just wanted to mercilessly tease me all evening, I would have refused your invitation." Arthur replies smoothly, pulling out the chair across from Morgana and sitting down. Something almost uncertain flickers across her face, but it's gone before Arthur can comment on it.</p>
<p>   "Let's just have a good meal, then we can talk after." She says, but her eyes look different. There was obviously something wrong, and she was stalling. She was second-guessing her decision to tell him. Before he can say anything on the matter, their waiter appears next to them, seemingly out of thin air. Arthur hasn't even had a chance to glance at the menu yet.</p>
<p>   "Can I start you off with some drinks?" He asks.</p>
<p>   "I think we're actually ready to order." Morgana replies, a hand coming out to rest over Arthur's as they scrambled to open the menu. He glares over at her, but she's still looking at the man standing next to their table. The waiter cocks an eyebrow, but pulls out a little pad and a pen. Morgana orders for them both, plus a bottle of expensive white wine. Arthur isn't sure why, but he has a feeling that he'll be paying for it. Not that he wasn't going to insist on at least paying for his half anyway. Merlin had told him that they could afford it.</p>
<p>   As the waiter slips silently away, Arthur turns to look at Morgana. "What is going on?" He asks, voice low.</p>
<p>  "Eat first, Arthur. For now, tell me how Merlin is doing." Morgana replies, brushing the topic aside yet again. Arthur wants to argue, but the woman's rather imposing pointed stare gets leveled on him, and he backs down reluctantly.</p>
<p>   "Merlin is fine." He finally says. "A little stressed. He has a lot on his plate right now."</p>
<p>   Morgana hums. "I imagine. I'm betting that a marriage proposal really didn't help."</p>
<p>   Arthur groans, dropping his head in his hands. Merlin had made Arthur sit in their flat all day yesterday, pouring over wedding details until his eyes blurred and his brain wasn't firing correctly anymore. He was glad that his fiancé was taking their wedding so seriously, but Arthur was exhausted already, and they had only just begun.</p>
<p>   "No, it really didn't." He says, not looking up. "If I had known how intense he was going to be about this, I wouldn't have."</p>
<p>   There is a silence following his words, and he winces at how they must have sounded. When he dares to lift his head, Morgana is giving him a shrewd look. He opens his mouth to defend himself, but finds that he doesn't really have any words to remedy the disaster of a sentence he had just puked out.</p>
<p>   Morgana points a threatening finger at him. "If you hurt him, Arthur Pendragon, his kindhearted soul may forgive you, but I certainly won't."</p>
<p>   "I didn't mean it like that, Morgana." He replies in a rush. "I merely meant that I wouldn't have done it when I did. I would have waited until we both didn't have so much going on."</p>
<p>   Morgana rolls her perfectly made up eyes. "Arthur, you know damn well that there is never a <em>"right time"</em>. Once school was behind you, something else would've come up to supposedly prevent you from asking. If you truly are having second thoughts, though, you need to tell him. Better to hurt him now than hurt him a lot more later."</p>
<p>   Arthur pales as he feels his stomach roll at the thought of losing Merlin at any point in time. No, he wasn't having second thoughts about marriage itself. He was having second thoughts about his timing. Although, Morgana was undoubtedly right. There would always be something, always be some excuse to just wait a little longer. Perhaps it was better to get it over with now.</p>
<p>   "I'm not having second thoughts. I promise. I'm just worried. There is so much to get done, in so little time, and I just... I don't want to disappoint him. That's all." He admits softly, not meeting her eyes. He only looks up when she reaches across the table to take his hands into hers. It isn't until he feels her steady grip that he notices how his own hands are shaking ever so slightly.</p>
<p>   "You could never disappoint him. Merlin loves you more than anything. I can see it on his face whenever you're around each other, or he so much as hears your name. You two were made for each other. It's disgustingly adorable, really." Morgana replies, voice softer and more <em>sisterly</em> than he had ever heard it before. He gives her a weak smile in return, unsure how else to reply to such a sentimental statement from the woman. She was rarely ever so warm and heartfelt with her words. Not that she couldn't be, it just didn't happen often.</p>
<p>   "Now," Morgana says, sitting back, "I'm assuming that if you have so much to do, in such a short time, that you have set a date?" She curves up a perfectly shaped eyebrow. Arthur nods.</p>
<p>   "We sent out a few messages to some of our closest friends, testing out if any of them had any plans. They didn't. The date will be December twenty-ninth. Merlin was adamant that he didn't want to wait any longer than he absolutely had to, and that was the best date we could come up with."</p>
<p>   Morgana is smiling at him. "I'm so proud of you, Arthur." She says, so sincerely that his cheeks heat up. He is saved from having to continue the conversation by their water returning, plates on a tray balanced on one hand, and the wine and two tall glasses on a tray on the other. They both sit back, thanking him as he places their dishes down, then fills their wine glasses. Arthur is convinced that the man is a second away from bowing. He doesn't, thankfully, merely bobs his head in a nod, then slips away again.</p>
<p>   Arthur's mind is drawn back to Morgana's initial reason for asking him here as they both eat in silence. He keeps shooting her curious glances, to which she responds with a raised eyebrow. She certainly wasn't going to make this easy. She clearly wanted, or even needed, to talk to him, and yet, she was just as stubborn about <em>not talking</em> to people as he was. What could be so important that she was this twitchy about it?</p>
<p>   As he swallows his last bite, he sets his cutlery down on the empty plate, and asks, "Now, what is this really all about, 'Gana?"</p>
<p>   Morgana takes her time finishing off her own plate, then her entire glass of wine. When she does finally reply, her voice is guarded. It sets off an uneasy feeling in Arthur's gut, and he kind of wishes that Merlin were here with him. He was always better in these kinds of situations.</p>
<p>   "I found out some things about dear old Uther, and he and I had it out. There was quite a bit of yelling involved, and when I brought how appallingly he had been treating you for simply trying to live a life that made you happy, it just more heated. In the end, I packed my things and walked out. However, before I could get to a bank to withdraw most of my funds from my account, Uther had already frozen all of them. I didn't even know the bastard was allowed to do such a thing. I guess it pays to be a rich man. I've been staying with friends ever since, but never for more than a couple days at a time. I don't want to impose too much on them than I already have."</p>
<p>   Arthur listens in mild shock. He had known Morgana and his father had always butted heads, but Uther had also always doted on her in a way that he never had with Arthur. He had been harder on Arthur growing up, had more rules for him to follow and expectations for him to meet. In many ways, it often felt like Morgana could never do anything wrong. It had often been a source of jealously for Arthur. Not that he ever showed it, of course.</p>
<p>   "Anyway," Morgana continues, "I asked to meet you, cause I could use a favour."</p>
<p>   Arthur immediately nods, spreading his hands out as he says, "Anything you need, 'Gana."</p>
<p>   "I know that you and Merlin have a lot on the go at the moment, and that you don't have a lot of space, but could I stay with you for a couple nights? Just until I can get somewhere else lined up. It's just, thanks to <em>Uther</em>, I don't have a lot of money at the moment, and I don't really fancy a night or two in my car." Morgana says in a rush.</p>
<p>   Arthur reaches across the table, settling a hand over hers to stall her rambling. "Morgana, stop. Of course you can stay with us, for as long as you need."</p>
<p>   Morgana gives him an uncertain smile. "Shouldn't you check that with Merlin first?" She asks, some of the teasing quality back in her voice. Its reappearance makes Arthur relax.</p>
<p>   "I'm sure he'll be fine with it. I've never seen him turn down help to anyone before." Arthur says with a shrug. Morgana looks like she's about to protest, so Arthur adds, "What exactly did you find out about my father that had the two of you at each other's throats? You've never managed to push him that far before."</p>
<p>   He certainly doesn't miss the way Morgana flinches before replying, "It's not important right now." Arthur stares at her incredulously. How on Earth could it not be important if it was bad enough to make her pack her bags and leave? Morgana never really liked flashing around the fact that she had money, or at least was lucky enough to live with a family who had way more than enough to spare, but she was used to a certain degree of comfort. Couch surfing through her friends' flats certainly didn't reach that level.</p>
<p>   With a frown, he says, "There's something you're not telling me, and I don't know why. Surely you know you can trust me with anything."</p>
<p>   A conflicted expression settles over Morgana's features, doing nothing to quell the unease in Arthur's chest. She opens and closes her mouth wordlessly a few times before finally saying, "I will tell you, Arthur. Eventually. Not yet. You have more than enough stress at the moment. I don't want to add to it if I can help it."</p>
<p>   With narrowed eyes and pursed lips, Arthur studies the striking woman across from him. She was acting strangely, that much he could tell. She had never been so tight fisted about information before. Quite often, she would throw her opinion around, especially when she knew that she was in the right, with very little regard for his feelings. When he had been younger, he had found the habit dreadful, but now, he could always count on her being brutally honest with him. He had almost come to rely on it whenever he felt he was being a prat, but Merlin was perhaps too polite, or too lovesick, to say anything. Not that, that happened often either. Sometimes, Arthur felt that Merlin delighted in casually insulting him.</p>
<p>   "'Gana--" He starts, but she cuts him off.</p>
<p>   "Please, Arthur, I don't want to get into it here. Maybe when we get back to yours and Merlin's?" Her voice has a distinctly different quality to it. Arthur doesn't want to call it <em>'pleading'</em>, but it's very close to.</p>
<p>   Arthur huffs. "Fine. Let's pay and go. Do you need me to cover all this?" His words immediately have the woman bristling and shaking her head. Honestly, he should have known better.</p>
<p>   "No, I have enough to cover my share of the bill." She says, almost haughtily. For that brief moment that she holds her nose up higher than normal, Arthur almost catches a glimpse of his father. Growing up in the Pendragon household had made her unnervingly like Uther at certain times. He knew better than to ever tell her that though. Not unless he wanted a knife to his throat in the middle of the night. Morgana could be damn scary when she was angry, especially when she was righteously angry, and he was rather attached to every part of his anatomy.</p>
<p>   When the waiter returns, Arthur asks for the bill, and informs him that they will be paying for their own separately. They get a puzzled look, but a nod all the same. Clearly, most people here assumed they were here <em>together</em>. Even if Arthur wasn't with Merlin, the thought would make him queasy. After all, she <em>was</em> practically his sister.</p>
<p>   "I'll see you at mine, then?" He says as they both step out the doors. Morgana nods, relief clear on her face. Arthur has the distinct impression that if he had said no, she would have had nowhere else to go.</p>
<p>   "Yes, and--" She cuts herself off for a moment before giving him a small smile. "Thank you, Arthur."</p>
<p>   Arthur nods, smiling slightly back. "'Gana, you're practically my sister. Did you really think I would leave you out on the street? Honestly, you should've come to me sooner." He doesn't miss the way she flinches at the word <em>'sister'</em>. Huh. That's new. He cocks his head and studies her, but the moment is gone, and she's back to smiling again.</p>
<p>   "Yes, well, like I said, I didn't want to impose." With that said, she turns and makes her way to her car. Arthur watches her go for a moment, before turning to make his way to his own car. It's decidedly less expensive than the one he used to have, back when he had his father's money backing everything he did. Sometimes he misses his old life. How simple it was in comparison. In some ways. In others, it had been a lot more complicated.</p>
<p>   As he climbs into his car, he pulls his phone out to call Merlin and just give him a heads up about Morgana's arrival. However, it rings a few times, then goes to voicemail. He screws his eyebrows together in mild confusion. When he had left earlier to meet Morgana, Merlin hadn't said anything about having any plans of his own. Not anything beyond eating dinner in his lounge pants and watching the telly. When the phone beeps, he leaves a message.</p>
<p>   "Hey, Merlin, it's me. Where are you? I'm just heading back home from the restaurant now. Morgana is going to be spending a few days at our place. She had a falling out with my father and needed a place to go. I didn't ask you first because I assumed it would be okay."</p>
<p>   The phone beeps again, cutting off anything else he had to say. <em>"I'll see you soon. I love you."</em> He shoves his phone back into his pocket, and turns the car on. The recent trip to the auto shop seemed to still be working, as the engine doesn't wheeze and cough to life like it had been starting to do. Putting the car in drive, he pulls out onto the street and heads for home.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>   Merlin feels his phone go off in his pocket, and lifts an apologetic finger up to the man sitting across from him. He pulls the vibrating phone out, and checks the screen. <em>'Arthur'</em> is lit up, a photo of the two of them taking up the background. He feels a flash of guilt at not having told his fiancé about his plans for the night as well. He had figured that keeping this meeting a secret for now was the better option in the long run. He puts his phone away, still ringing.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>   Merlin isn't home when Arthur unlocks the door and ushers Morgana in. He frowns, wondering where Merlin could be, and why he had never mentioned plans before. It wasn't that Arthur was controlling, that he demanded to know where Merlin was at all times. Merlin always willingly offered the information, where he was going and when he expected to be back, so that Arthur wouldn't worry about him. He liked to have a vague idea of Merlin's whereabouts in case there was an emergency of any kind.</p>
<p>   "I'm not really sure where Merlin is at the moment, but make yourself at home." He says, closing the door behind them. Morgana toes off her shoes, then carries her bag into the small living room, setting it down by the sofa as she takes a seat.</p>
<p>   "I've always really liked being here." She muses, still looking around. "It feels like a real home. It's cozy, and warm, and full of love. It's not so clinical as we had growing up. Merlin has been good for you."</p>
<p>   Arthur feels himself blush, and looks away. He knew that he was lucky to have Merlin. That Merlin had certainly changed him for the better. Still, he always felt so... awkward when other people pointed it out to him. He was saved from having to reply by the sound of the door opening. Merlin must be home. Arthur gives Morgana a small smile, then leaves her settled on the sofa to go greet his fiancé.</p>
<p>   "Hey." He says softly, pulling Merlin into a chaste kiss.</p>
<p>   "Hey, yourself." Merlin replies, eyes shining. "I wasn't expecting you to be back yet." He adds on, bending down to untie his laces and toe his shoes off.</p>
<p>   "You mean, you were expecting to beat me home." Arthur retorts mildly. Merlin pauses his movements to give Arthur a quizzical look.</p>
<p>   "I guess so?" He says, voice lilting up at the end to make what should've been a simple statement come out more like a question. "Is something wrong?"</p>
<p>   What Arthur <em>really</em> wants to say is, <em>"I don't know. You tell me."</em> What he actually says is, "Of course not. I just didn't know you had plans tonight. I tried to call earlier, and when it went to voicemail I was a little worried about you."</p>
<p>   Something flickers in Merlin's eyes, and Arthur watches intently for any other signs, but they don't come. Whatever was going on, Merlin is hiding it well. <em>If</em> anything is going on at all. Maybe the stress of everything is just making Arthur imagine problems where there are none. Merlin gives him a sheepish smile.</p>
<p>   "Must've slipped my mind, I suppose. I just went down to the pub for a few drinks with Gwaine. It was a little last minute." He says easily. Arthur almost believes him, but something in the back of his mind is telling him that Merlin is lying to him. But why? What purpose would Merlin have to lie to him about where he had been?</p>
<p>   Arthur blinks a few times. "Right. Well, I'm assuming you didn't check your voicemail either, then. Morgana is here. She and my father had quite a row, and she walked out, needed a place to stay."</p>
<p>   Merlin nods. "Alright. Shouldn't be an issue. We don't have a lot of room. How long is she staying?"</p>
<p>   The question makes Arthur wince a little, and he lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck. Merlin watches the movement warily. They may not have been together for years, but they knew each other well enough to know all their little ticks. Whatever Arthur was about to say, Merlin was probably not going to like it. Arthur swallows thickly before even attempting a reply.</p>
<p>   "I told her she could stay as long as she needed to." Arthur admits softly. Merlin blinks, opens his mouth to reply, then closes it. He nods his head, reaches out to squeeze one of Arthur's biceps, then moves past him to go greet their (apparently) indefinite guest. Arthur watches him go, feeling uneasy, like he had just made an awful mistake. <em>But why?</em></p>
<p>   Arthur follows Merlin back to where he had left Morgana. He finds the two of them on the sofa, sitting side by side, and already talking animatedly. It was hard not to get drawn into Merlin's easy conversations, and clearly Morgana was not immune either. They both look up as he draws closer, Merlin with a soft look in his eyes, and Morgana with a stern kind of curiosity in her. He smiles back, moving to join them on the sofa, sitting on Merlin's other side. His fiancé shifts closer to him as he sits, and he can't help but wonder if Merlin had done it without even thinking about it.</p>
<p>   Morgana finishes her intense scrutiny of him, and smiles. "Merlin was just telling me how much wedding planning you two have to do. Perhaps I can help while I'm here? At least then I would feel useful."</p>
<p>   Merlin grins widely, nodding enthusiastically. "That would be great. Any help we can get would be very much appreciated."</p>
<p>   The dazzling grin still firmly fixed on Merlin's face is infectious, and Arthur feels himself smiling too. Morgana glances at him very briefly before smiling as well. Arthur's mind drifts back to their earlier conversation at dinner, how Morgana would never forgive him if he ever hurt Merlin. Sitting here now, Merlin launching into rambling details about the things he needs help with <em>("Because Arthur is completely useless, I swear!" "Oi!")</em>, he honestly can't imagine ever hurting Merlin at all. Whatever suspicions he had earlier about Merlin not answering his phone, or seeing his voicemail, melt away. Merlin was a free man, and he wasn't required to tell Arthur where he was going every time he left the flat. He trusted Merlin in all things.</p>
<p>   The evening races by, the sky outside growing ever darker and the hours growing late. Merlin excuses himself to go grab pillows and blankets for Morgana, who was staying on the sofa, as she had flat out refused to take their bed. Arthur surprises Morgana by giving her a hug before leaving to ready himself for bed. For some reason, he was glad she was here.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Two days later, Arthur wakes up alone. As his brain slowly catches up with the rest of his senses, he lets his fingers reach out, seeking out Merlin's warmth. When all he feels is cool bed sheets, he cracks an eye open. He is illogically more disappointed then he sees that the room is truly empty, save for him. He frowns, rolling onto his back and blinking blearily up at the ceiling. He missed Merlin. Ever since Morgana had come to stay, they had done little more than share a few semi-passionate kisses before rolling to opposite sides of the bed to sleep. To touch was too tempting, and they both agreed that it felt too awkward to try to do anything while the woman was staying with them. However, his sister-like figure was showing no signs of leaving, and Arthur was getting to the point that he really didn't care if she heard them fucking.</p><p>   Deciding to see if he can find Merlin, and maybe convince him to share a quick handjob if the shower if nothing else, he throws the blankets back and gets to his feet. He pulls fresh boxers on, not having much faith in talking Merlin into any kind of sexual activity, then a pair of dark wash jeans and a soft red tee. Merlin always said how much he liked Arthur in red.</p><p>   As soon as he opens the door, he hears muffled voices, words undiscernible. With a curious look etched across his features, he makes his way down the hall towards them. He pauses just out of view from the kitchen when he hears his names.</p><p>   "Have you told Arthur yet?" Says Merlin's voice. Morgana's sharp inhale is hard to miss.</p><p>   "No. Not yet." She replies.</p><p>   Merlin grunts. "You need to tell him, and soon." He argues.</p><p>   "Why?" Morgana all but snaps. "He has enough going on as it is! This won't make anything better or easier for him. It'll only makes him angry, or bitter. Hell, it could make him feel even more betrayed by his own father cause he was never told. Why can't I spare him a little longer?"</p><p>   Merlin sighs, and Arthur can clearly picture him pinching the bridge of his nose, brows furrowed. After a deep breath, he says, "He has a right to know, Morgana, and he should hear it from you. Not me, and certainly not his father. We both know that Uther will spin the details to try to make them into his favour. The longer you wait, the worse his reaction will be."</p><p>   Arthur barely even notices that his mouth is hanging open. What were they talking about? Was this whatever it was that Morgana had mentioned at the restaurant, but never actually told him? Why would she feel comfortable enough to tell Merlin, but not himself? He feels a sting of hurt, and retreats several paces back down the hall toward the bedroom. Clearing his throat, he turns back and takes louder steps toward the pair in the kitchen, loudly announcing his arrival. If they were keeping things from him, then he could keep this from them. He wouldn't let on that he had overheard anything. Wiping the hurt from his face, he plasters on a smile, and rounds the corner.</p><p>   Morgana is at the table, fiddling with her phone, while Merlin is at the counter, filling another mug with coffee. Arthur is sincerely hoping that it's for him. He's only been awake for a handful of minutes, and already he can feel a headache forming behind his eyes.</p><p>   "Morning." Merlin says warmly, looking over his shoulder.</p><p>   "Good morning, Arthur." Morgana says, shooting him a strained smile. She was usually better at covering up her emotions than this. He gives her a long look.</p><p>   "Sleep well?" He asks her as he moves through the room, sidling up beside Merlin and pressing a kiss to the side of his neck as he takes the mug that the other man offers him.</p><p>   "Yes." Morgana replies, looking much more composed when he turns around. "I think I'll go have a shower, if that's okay with you both?"</p><p>   Arthur nods his head once as he takes a small sip, at the same time that Merlin says, "Yes, of course. You know where the extra towels are. Use whatever you need."</p><p>   As soon as she is gone from view, Arthur spins and puts his mug back down on the counter. Merlin opens his mouth to ask what he's doing, but it gets cut off prematurely by Arthur silencing him with a kiss. The conversation he just overheard is not forgotten, just pushed aside to analyze later, as he licks into Merlin's mouth. Merlin groans, kissing him back for a moment before pulling away.</p><p>   "Arthur," he pants, already breathless, "Morgana is still here. She could come back at any time."</p><p>   Arthur shakes his head, mouthing down Merlin's jawline. "I know Morgana. We've got half an hour, at least."</p><p>   Merlin shivers, tilting his head back to give Arthur better access, and making Arthur grin. "Still. We should be careful."</p><p>   Pulling away, Arthur looks at him. "I'm done being careful, Merlin. I'm not going to turn into a monk simply because my sister is here." He takes note of how Merlin, too, flinches ever so slightly at the word <em>'sister'</em>. He files the information away for later, more interested in the here and now. Settling his hands on Merlin's hips, he maneuvers him around until he has him pressed to the wall.</p><p>   "Arthur." Merlin says, but it's breathy and not a very convincing rebuttal.</p><p>   Hovering his lips over Merlin's, he says, "Tell me to stop, and I will." Merlin whines and surges forward to kiss him, Arthur kissing back victoriously. As he presses closer, he grabs both of Merlin's wrists and lifts them above his head, pinning them to the wall there with one hand. The other hand gravitates to one hip, where the threadbare, but incredibly soft, tee barely brushes the waistband of his flannel bottoms.</p><p>   "You're so fucking sexy." He growls against Merlin's mouth. Merlin sags into him more, giving in completely. When he pulls back to focus his attention on sucking marks into Merlin's neck, he makes note of the shower running. Idly wondering just how much time they really have, he lets his hand move to rub over Merlin's already erect cock. His own twitches with excitement as Merlin moans in his ear, pushing eagerly against his palm.</p><p>   Grinning savagely, he turns his head to press his lips to Merlin's cheek, murmuring, "Do you want me to stop?"</p><p>   "No, God, Arthur, don't stop." Merlin replies, shaking his head frantically.</p><p>   "What about Morgana?" He asks innocently, stilling the motion of his hand over the outline of Merlin's erection.</p><p>   Merlin actually growls in his ear, and <em>fuck</em> it has got to be one of the hottest things that Arthur has ever heard. "If you stop now, I might actually kill you." Merlin threatens roughly. It's enough to make Arthur groans and seal their lips together again, as he plunges his hand down past Merlin's waistband and into his boxers, fingers curling around his hot, throbbing cock.</p><p>   There's no lubrication, so the slide is dry. Still, it's enough to have Merlin's arms straining against Arthur's hold, desperate to get his hands on him. Arthur doesn't let him, just tightens his hold while speeding up his rhythm with his other hand. When he swipes a thumb over the head, he catches the beading pre-come on his thumb and smears it down the shaft. Merlin shakes against him, moaning into his mouth. He's already so close.</p><p>   Pulling off Merlin's mouth, he goes back to assaulting the man's neck, leaving more love bites that is probably proper, or necessary. He knows that Merlin will bitch about it later, but for now, he doesn't seem to care. As he twists his wrist at the base, squeezing his fingers a little more on the stroke back up, he feels Merlin bury his face into his neck, right where his throat meets his shoulder. Not long now.</p><p>   Lifting his chin, he nuzzles Merlin's ear, whispers, "Let go, Love. I've got you."</p><p>   Just as he feels Merlin's whole body tense up, he thinks he hears the bathroom door open and footsteps in the hall. Merlin must hear it too, because he whines in the back of his throat, but it's too late now. He shudders, releasing in Arthur's hand and soiling not only his boxers, but his shirt as well. Two voices cry out, <em>"Oh God!"</em>. One, his fiancé in his ear, the other, the very feminine voice of Morgana behind them. Merlin groans, squeezing his eyes shut and biting Arthur's shoulder, no doubt hard enough to leave marks. Arthur groans as well, but more for the loss of his own orgasm than being caught in their kitchen.</p><p>   "Do you two routinely debauch each other in the same room you use to prepare food?" Morgana demands, shrill and scandalized. Arthur tilts his head back and laughs.</p><p>   "Only when we have company." He retorts cheekily.</p><p>   Morgana sniffs scornfully. "Right, well, don't you have other things to do?"</p><p>   Arthur groans again, cause she is right. He does. He has a few classes at the university to get to today. Slipping his hand from Merlin's bottoms, he wipes his palm on his shirt, getting a whimper in return. He nuzzles at the side of Merlin's head again, not caring if Morgana is still there or not.</p><p>   "I love you." He says softly, finally letting go of Merlin's wrists. Merlin lifts his head, cheeks flushed for two different reasons, and glares at him.</p><p>   "I hate you." He says, just making Arthur laugh again.</p><p>   "I'm sorry." He says, trying to control his wicked grin, and failing. "Next time, we'll listen to you and remain celibate." All Merlin does is glare half-heartedly back at him. Arthur chokes on another laugh, having to make a hasty retreat from the kitchen to dodge Merlin's indignant swat in his direction. He's still smiling when he presses a quick kiss to Merlin's lips, then ducks out the door to get to campus.</p><p>~~~</p><p>   That afternoon, as Arthur is leaving his last class, he gets a text from Merlin, reminding him to start thinking seriously about a Best Man and Groomsmen for the wedding. He heaves a sign and shoves his phone back into his pocket without replying. Since he had first thought about proposing, he had been considering who he would want as his wedding party. His first choice for Best Man was Leon. He had known him the longest, and aside from perhaps Lance, he was the most responsible and levelheaded of the group. As far as Groomsmen went, he had thought about asking Lance, Gwaine, and Percy, as they had all been good friends for a while, as well as Elyan, Gwen's brother whom he had met this year and become fast friends with. All he had to do now, was actually ask.</p><p>   With another sigh, he pulls his phone back out and opens his contact list. Scrolling through, he stops when he gets to Leon's number, and hits call. It rings a few times before his friend answers.</p><p>   <em>"Hey, Arthur."</em> Leon says, sounding as pleasant as ever. Arthur often marveled at how the man had the ability to calm people down with his voice alone.</p><p>   "Hey, would you be free for a quick pint, or a soda, or whatever it is you drink in the afternoon?" He asks, rather ineloquently.</p><p>   Leon chuckles, almost like he knows exactly what this is all about. <em>"Of course. Our usual pub, twenty minutes?"</em></p><p>   "Yes, that sounds good. See you there." Arthur replies, relaxing slightly as they say their goodbyes and hang up. While he has his phone out, he shoots Merlin a quick text, letting him know that he wasn't heading straight home. All he gets in reply is a thumbs up emoji, followed by several hearts of different colours. Rolling his eyes, he puts his phone away. If he didn't leave now, he would probably be late meeting Leon.</p><p>   As expected, Leon is already there and waiting for him, seated at a table in the back where it's a little less crowded, so therefore quieter and easier to hold a conversation. He lifts a hand in greeting as Arthur approaches, and Arthur is suddenly hit by a wave of nerves. He grits his teeth in mild frustration. Before, he rarely got nervous about anything. Now, it felt like everything made him jumpy.</p><p>   "Arthur." Leon says with a smile, getting up to quickly pull him into a one armed hug, patting him on the back heartily several times. "I got us both drinks already."</p><p>   Arthur glances down at the table, and sees two glasses of pale amber liquid. "Perfect!" He says, grinning to cover up his still running wild nerves.</p><p>   They both sit and strike up easy conversation. When their glasses are both half empty, Leon says, "I'm assuming you wanted to talk about something specific?"</p><p>   Arthur purses his lips and nods. "Yes, actually." He pauses to take a deep breath. "I was hoping I could count on you to be my Best Man. You're my oldest friend, and I trust you not to let the others get me killed before my wedding."</p><p>   Leon breaks out into a wide grin. "I would be honoured to be your Best Man, Arthur. Have you asked the others to be Groomsmen yet?" He adds on, already assuming who Arthur meant by <em>'others'</em>. Arthur wearily shakes his head.</p><p>   "Not yet." He admits. "To be honest, this whole wedding business has been exhausting, and Merlin and I have only really just started." He lifts his glass and drains the rest of the contents in one large gulp.</p><p>   "I would get on it quickly." Leon says, looking slightly skeptical. "Merlin may have already beaten you to Lance and Gwaine. You know as well as I how close the two of them have become with the man. I'm pretty sure if Merlin hadn't already been yours, Gwaine might have thought about ditching Percy for him."</p><p>   Arthur knows it's a teasing joke, that once Gwaine and Percy <em>finally</em> woke up and admitted their feelings for each other, that they were very happy together. No way would Gwaine have risked all that for Merlin. Still, they <em>had</em> become quite close, and Arthur felt a flare of irrational jealousy well up in his chest. He swallows it down as best he can, giving Leon a strained smile.</p><p>   "Yes, you're probably right. Merlin hasn't said anything, but I'll shoot them all a message later." Arthur replies. Even his voice sounds strained, and he winces slightly, even as Leon gives him a knowing smile.</p><p>   "You do not have to worry about Merlin, Arthur. He is devoted to you, and only you." Leon says placatingly, draining his own glass. Arthur huffs out a laugh as his stomach squirms a bit. Leon just smiles, and they slip back into their previous, easy conversation. As they talk, Arthur finally feels himself relax, the nerves eventually dissipating. This whole wedding ordeal certainly had him twisted up in knots.</p><p>   They part ways about an hour later. Since the pub is not far from where he and Merlin live, he decides to walk instead of taking a cab. As he goes, he pulls out his phone and drafts up a text to send to each of his friends regarding being his Groomsmen. His nerves are back as he hits send to each one, slightly shaky hands stowing his phone back safely into his pocket. It vibrates relatively quickly, but he leaves it where it is, deciding to wait until he gets homes before checking. By the time he's pulling his keys out, he's gotten back four replies.</p><p>   To his surprise, the flat is empty when he enters. He knew that Merlin had, had to work that evening, but he had expected Morgana to be around. He isn't sure why, as she still had friends, and a car to get around in. Obviously she wouldn't want to stick around in their small flat all day, every day. Especially not after what she had witnessed that morning. The memory still makes him smile slightly.</p><p>   After taking his shoes off, he goes into the kitchen to make himself a mug of tea. When he was alone, he always allowed himself to indulge in his love for peppermint herbal tea. As the fragrant aroma swirls up from the hot mug, he moves to sit at the table, and pulls his phone out. Despite knowing that he had got a response from all four of his friends, he still gulps when he sees the messages waiting for him. He unlocks his phone, and looks through them.</p><p><em> <strong>From: Elyan, 6:11 PM<br/>
</strong> </em> <em>Of course. Let me know if I can help with anything.</em></p><p><strong> <em>From: Lance, 6:15 PM<br/>
</em> </strong> <em>I would, but unfortunately Merlin has already asked, and I said yes. I know that you and I were friends first, but Merlin has become a very dear friend to me as well. So sorry!</em></p><p><strong> <em>From: Percy, 6:21 PM<br/>
</em> </strong> <em>Yes, I can do that. I can also make myself available to help with anything else you may need.</em></p><p><strong> <em>From: Gwaine, 6:28 PM<br/>
</em> </strong> <em>Sorry, Princess, I'm already promised to your much better half.</em></p><p>Arthur takes a sip of tea, rereading the responses. They were as he had expected, although he still felt a little disappointed that he couldn't rely on Lance's steady presence, nor Gwaine's uncanny ability to create a party out of thin air. Maybe it was for the better though, to keep things on the smaller side. Too many people generally created too many issues. He ruefully thinks about what his wedding would look like if he was marrying someone his father approved of. It would unquestionably be fancy and over the top. He'd most likely have more Groomsmen than he would know what to do with, his father undoubtedly deciding on the wedding party for him. The man never did pass up an opportunity to build relations and alliances with other businessmen. He would've viewed his son's wedding as one such opportunity.</p><p>   Shaking the unsavoury thoughts from his head, he puts his phone down, closing his eyes as he merely sips on his tea. He knows that he should get in touch with Merlin, let him know that he has a Best Man and two Groomsmen, ask if he needs more. He has other acquaintances he could ask. Other men he grew up with, and came into contact with thanks to his father's money. He doesn't though, just sits in the quiet stillness of their flat and drinks his tea. Things have been so rarely quiet lately that he can't help but let himself enjoy it while it lasts. Who knows when it'll happen again.</p><p>   As if on cue, Morgana walks in, using the spare key that they had given her, just as his phone goes off, signaling a new text from Merlin. Morgana peeks her head into the kitchen and gives him a skeptical look, almost like she's expecting him to be hiding a semi-clothed Merlin somewhere behind him. Oh, how he wishes. As he meets her gaze, he suddenly gets a rather unorthodox idea.</p><p>   "Morgana!" He exclaims. "Just the woman I was hoping to see."</p><p>   She lifts an eyebrow as she replies. "Just how many women do you expect to walk into your flat unannounced?"</p><p>   Arthur ignores her as he gets to his feet. "Would you likesome tea?" He queries, already reaching to pull a mug down. She looks at him suspiciously, but slowly nods her head.</p><p>   "Sure." She says. "What is up with you, Arthur?"</p><p>   Instead of answering right away, Arthur busies himself with refilling the kettle and setting it on to boil. It doesn't take long, and he fills the mug and drops a tea bag in. Turning, he carries it to the table and gestures for her to sit across from him. She does, but lifts her eyebrows higher in question.</p><p>   "I wanted to ask you something." He says. She gives him a <em>look</em>, and he huffs out a laugh. "Would you be interested in being a Groomswoman at the wedding, along with Percy and Elyan?"</p><p>   The woman blinks in surprise, cocking her head to the side. "Who's your Best Man?" She asks.</p><p>   "Leon." Arthur replies.</p><p>   Morgana continues to stare at him for a moment, making him shift uncomfortably, before breaking out into a dazzling smile. "Of course I will, Arthur. I'm surprised you even thought to ask. You've always struck me as someone who would go the traditional route and only have men in their wedding party."</p><p>   "Morgana," Arthur replies sincerely, "you are just as important to me as anyone else in my life. To have you up there with me on my wedding day would be an honour. Tradition be damned. I <em>am</em> marrying a bloke, after all."</p><p>   A delighted laugh erupts from Morgana's still smiling mouth, and she rises to her feet to pull him into a hug. "I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I am so proud of you, Arthur. It's not easy, breaking away from Uther, and you've found yourself a real home and a real family. I am grateful to be a part of it."</p><p>   To Arthur's horror, tears sting at the backs of his eyes. Never in a million years did he ever expect Morgana to say anything like that. They had always been there for each other, but it was usually with surly remarks and snarky comments. It didn't mean they weren't always willing to have the other one's back, it was just usually how siblings behaved.</p><p>   "Thank you, 'Gana." He replies softly, not trusting his voice to sound normal if he spoke louder, or tried to use more words. She merely beams at him, then scoops her mug up, and sips at her tea. She lifts it at him, nonverbally thanking him, before wordlessly gesturing over her shoulder. He waves her off, watching her disappear into the other room. Moments later, the sounds of the TV fill the flat. Arthur heaves a relieved sigh, then picks up his phone to see what Merlin had said.</p><p>
  <em><strong>From: Merlin, 7:01 PM<br/>
</strong>Wedding party sorted?</em>
</p><p>   Arthur rolls his eyes good-naturedly. Merlin was certainly on the ball with all this wedding planning stuff.</p><p><em> <strong>To: Merlin, 7:23 PM<br/>
</strong> </em> <em>Yes. BM Leon, then Elyan, Percy, and Gana. I was thinking, to make things easier, why don't we do a joint stag do? We have a lot of the same friends anyway. Besides, the more the merrier, and one less thing to coordinate.</em></p><p>   He hits send, then puts his phone down. He carries his mug to the sink, washing it right away before putting it in the drain rack to dry. When his phone goes off again, he returns to the table to scoop it up. He is once again oddly nervous, unsure how Merlin would react to his suggestion, as it was as unorthodox <em>(probably)</em> as asking Morgana to be a Groomswoman.</p><p><em> <strong>From: Merlin, 7:25 PM<br/>
</strong> </em> <em>Honestly I was thinking the same thing. I didn't really like the idea of you being dragged off to a strip club without me around to protect you.</em></p><p>   Arthur barks out a laugh. Would Leon really have taken him to a strip club? That seemed more a Gwaine thing to plan. He puts his phone away after telling Merlin that he was excited to see him that night <em>(he wanted to finish what they had started that morning</em><em>)</em>, then goes to join Morgana on the sofa. She's watching some kind of drama show, only half attentive as she types away on her phone. The scene on the screen in front of him is of a wedding, but it doesn't seem to be going well. The bride is crying decidedly unhappy tears, and the groom is apologizing profusely as he takes a few steps back.</p><p>   Anxiety bubbles up in Arthur's chest. What if, for whatever reason, the same thing happened to him and Merlin? What if one of them decides this isn't actually what they want? Arthur had heard <em>"you need to do better" </em>more times in his life than he had <em>"you did a good job".</em> What if he still wasn't good enough? He gets up and goes to sit in the dark bedroom.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Merlin had awoken long before Arthur, and slipped out of bed as silently as possible to avoid waking him. After grabbing a change of clothes for the day, he had moved on to the bathroom just as quietly to change, wanting to avoid waking Morgana as well. He had skipped breakfast and coffee at home, instead slipping his coat and shoes on, and stepping out the door. He had left a note for Arthur, telling him that he had gotten a text from a fellow classmate, asking him if he could meet before class to help him with something. That note was a lie, and it had left guilt curling in his stomach as he walked away.</p><p>   That guilt is still there, hot and heavy in his chest, as he walks down the sidewalk, the air outside this early in the morning chilly on his face. He shoves his hands in his pockets, and ducks his chin down to futilely try to protect his bare skin from the breeze blowing through the street. His thoughts keep trying to drift to Arthur, no doubt still asleep in their bed, unaware that Merlin had essentially snuck out of their flat alone. Every one of these thought makes him feel sick. Still, he keeps going, not looking back.</p><p>   A coffee shop looms ahead, and Merlin’s steps falter. Coming to a stop a few metres away from the glass doors, he takes a moment to just breathe. He need to steel himself before entering. He was still wary about this meeting, just as he had been the two previous ones. He didn’t like it, and he knew how Arthur would react if he knew. He’d be angry, hurt. Any number of negative emotions that Merlin doesn’t want to think about. He forces his feet to take him inside.</p><p>   The little bell over the door announces his arrival, the barista behind the counter looking up with a smile at the same time as the sole patron in the back corner. That guilt in his chest strengthens, spreading out until his fingers and toes tingle with it. Shaky steps take him up to the counter, and he orders the first thing he sees. It’s not like it really matters, anyway. Everything will taste like ash at the moment. He eyes the display of muffins to his left, but when his stomach rolls queasily, he decides to forego breakfast. Paying for his drink, he waits to get it, then turns to approach the occupied table.</p><p>   The man seated with his back to the wall, so he is facing the room, smiles as he approaches. Merlin doesn’t smile back. Not yet. Hesitantly, he pulls out the chair opposite and sits down. Once he’s settled, the man gestures at the cup in Merlin’s hands. He has yet to take even a single drink of it.</p><p>  “I could’ve gotten that. I was the one who asked you to be here, after all. Only fair.” The man says. Merlin tries not to wince at all.</p><p>   “It’s fine.” Merlin replies, surprised at how even and strong his voice sounds. The man simply smiles politely. Finally taking a sip, Merlin pulls a face at how bitter the coffee tastes. What exactly had he ordered again?</p><p>   Noticing, the man pushes a sugar dispenser across to him. “Here, this should help.”</p><p>   “Thanks.” Merlin says, offering a hesitant and still uncertain smile. As he adds sugar to his drink, he looks up to meet the eyes of the man across from him. “You wanted me to be here, to talk. So talk.” He says, slowly stirring the sugar in.</p><p>   The man leans forward, elbows on the table. “Tell me how Arthur is doing.”</p><p>   Merlin chews on his lower lip, unsure how much he should divulge about his fiancé. When he glances back up at the man, he tries to read his intentions from his face. He <em>seems</em> genuine enough. With a sigh, he starts with, “He’s good. A little stressed at the moment. A lot going on right now.”</p><p>   The man leans closer, eyes gleaming as he takes in every word.</p><p>~~~</p><p>   Merlin was acting strange. Not <em>‘it’s time to start worrying’</em> strange. More <em>‘something is going on that he’s not talking about’</em> strange. Arthur had noticed his change in behaviour shortly after the conversation he had overheard between his fiancé and Morgana. The very conversation that none of them were bringing up. Not that Merlin and Morgana knew that he had heard some of what they said. He was mad with curiosity, but he wanted to see how long it took for one of them to finally break and just talk to him. The sting that apparently neither one wanted to talk to him hurt a bit more with each passing day.</p><p>   He was alone in bed again when he wakes, staring up at the ceiling, as he so often did in the mornings now. He had two classes that morning to attend, and work all afternoon. His nearly finished business degree (with a specialization in management) had got him his foot in the door at a small, but thriving, technology company. He had been brought in to learn the ropes, but all eyes were on him for promotion once university was finished and he had his degree in hand. It was nice, accomplishing something on his own merit alone, instead of being handed things on a silver platter because he had a well known last name.</p><p>   He reluctantly gets up, going through the motions to get ready for his day. When he finally enters the kitchen, he spots the note on the table that Merlin had left for him. As he reads it, he’s struck by that odd feeling again that Merlin is lying to him. Just as before, he can’t quite put his finger on <em>why</em>, it just feels like he is. The feeling eats away at him as he grabs the note and tosses it in the recycling bin. After a quick cup of coffee, and a couple pieces of toast, he pulls his shoes and coat on, and makes his way down to his car. He didn’t feel like walking to work after class.</p><p>   As he drives, he lets his mind wander a bit. The past week had seemed to pass by in a blur of school, work, and picking out colours and invite designs. Morgana has been a huge help, and as payment, they had told her she could stay as long as she wanted to. It seemed that the tenth time telling her that was the charm, as she had thanked them both profusely, and seemed much more relaxed afterwards. Arthur felt a little bad about the fact that she was helping Merlin with the wedding plans more than he was. Neither one complained, but he still felt like he was taking advantage of Morgana, and letting Merlin down. It was not a nice feeling, and it often left him restless by the end of the day.</p><p>   When he pulls into the student carpark on campus, he debates texting Merlin to see if he was around already. Arthur hadn’t seen him yet that morning, and he felt oddly hollow. Up until recently, Merlin had always woken Arthur up before leaving, not wanting to go until he had at least said <em>“good morning”</em>, or some variation of it, and given Arthur a quick kiss to start the day. His sudden change in routine had left Arthur feeling bereft and suspicious. After all their time living together, why change now? Was it because of Morgana’s presence in their flat? That reasoning didn’t make sense, but Merlin <em>had</em> been acting strangely ever since her arrival. Phone left untouched, he climbs out of his car and heads to class, pushing troubling thoughts of Merlin aside as best he can so he can at least try to concentrate.</p><p>~~~</p><p>   Arthur doesn’t hear from Merlin all morning. He knows that Merlin is aware of his class schedule, but that has never stopped him from sending texts during class before. He always gets little messages throughout the day. What a certain customer ordered, what someone was wearing that day, the embarrassing thing one of his professors did, the stupid mistake his new part-time colleague made. To get nothing from him all morning was, well, <em>strange</em>. He sits in his car outside of work for a minute longer than he usually would, sending Merlin a text and then waiting for a reply. When none immediately comes, he sighs and resigns himself to a long afternoon of wondering what the man was up to that was keeping him so preoccupied.</p><p>   Work is stressful, and he keeps finding himself almost making stupid mistakes. Thankfully, he manages to catch them and rectify them, before anyone else notices. His head is not where it should be, and although he shouldn’t blame Merlin for that, doesn’t really <em>want</em> to blame Merlin for that, he still does. When he checks his phone at the end of his shift, and sees a reply waiting for him, he doesn’t bother checking what it says. Normally, seeing Merlin’s name lit up on his phone, in any capacity, fills his chest with warmth. Right now, it just makes him grit his teeth in frustration. To read the message and reply now, would only mean him taking that frustration out on Merlin, and even in his current state, he knew that wasn’t fair. He’ll take the drive home to clear his head and cool his temper. He would talk to Merlin when he got home.</p><p>   The man in question is home when Arthur finally pushes in through their flat’s door. He peeks around the corner from the kitchen and smiles at him. Just the sight of his bright eyes has the annoyance melting from Arthur’s body. He smiles back, telling himself that Merlin’s odd behaviour lately is all just in his head. What has he really done differently besides letting Arthur sleep in the morning, and paying attention properly during class? Nothing to worry about.</p><p>   Merlin hums slightly as he approaches, looping his arms around Arthur’s neck and leaning in. Arthur allows himself to get pulled into a long, languid kiss. His heart is fluttering madly in his chest as Merlin slowly pulls away. He meets his eyes, getting lost in the beautiful blue, just like he always does. It’s moment like these that his fears of not being good enough almost vanish. Right here, looking into blue eyes brimming with blatant affection, he doesn’t feel like he’s going to ruin Merlin’s life by taking his vows.</p><p>   “I missed you.” Merlin says quietly, leaning in for another lazy kiss. Arthur kisses back, letting his mind focus solely on the slow slide of Merlin’s lips against his.</p><p>   “You could’ve woken me this morning before you left.” He says as they separate. Something darkens on Merlin’s face for a split second before he covers it with a grin.</p><p>   “You always complain when I do that.” He retorts, making Arthur smile back.</p><p>   “I know.” Arthur says, squeezing the hand he has settled on Merlin’s hip. “But I like starting my day with you. You make every morning better, simply by being there.” He adds without thinking. He drops his gaze, too aware of the raw vulnerability lurking in his eyes, so he misses the flash of guilt across Merlin’s face. When he looks back up, he hopes that his emotions are not so plainly displayed across his features.</p><p>   Merlin has an odd look in his eyes as he slides his hands from Arthur’s neck to cradle his jaw. His eyes flick back and forth over Arthur’s face, studying his features. Arthur just stares back, barely daring to blink, let alone breathe. He has no idea what Merlin is looking for. Merlin inhales deeply, opening his mouth like he is going to say something, but pauses. Something almost breaks in his eyes, and it has Arthur tightening his own grip on him. What was wrong? Was this about what Morgana had to tell him? Merlin releases his breath, and closes his mouth, taking one last long look at Arthur before stepping back out of his arms. He lets his own hands fall free, after brushing Arthur’s cheeks with his thumbs. Arthur cocks his head to the side. Should he be worried?</p><p>   “I love you, Arthur.” Merlin breathes, and he sounds like he’s trying desperately to convince Arthur of that. The blond’s eyebrows crease together in concern.</p><p>   “I know, Merlin. I love you, too.” He replies. He only gets a weak smile in return. His own smile falters, but before he can say anything else, Merlin is pulling away and heading back towards the kitchen. Arthur is still staring at his retreating back when he pauses to look over his shoulder.</p><p>   “Dinner is ready. Nothing special, but it’s here to eat if you’re hungry.” He says before disappearing. Arthur stays frozen in his place, staring at the spot that Merlin had just been occupying. What just happened?</p><p>   He blinks when he hears the sounds of dishes being pulled from the cupboards. He shrugs his jacket off, toeing his shoes off as well, and then following Merlin to the kitchen. He sees his fiancé at the stove, spooning macaroni and cheese into two bowls. Arthur bites his lower lip as he watches. His heart squeezes painfully in his chest, and he has to swallow thickly around the sudden lump in his throat. Merlin was acting strange, and Arthur felt like it had just bumped up from <em>‘something is going on that he’s not talking about’</em> up to <em>‘it’s time to start worrying’</em>.</p><p>   He steps into the kitchen, approaching Merlin, and says, “There’s something going on that you’re not telling me.” Merlin spins around, pale as a sheet. He holds up his hands, adding, “I know there is because I... Merlin, I overheard some of what you and Morgana said a few days ago. Nothing specific, but you have been acting weird ever since. I know you said I should hear it from her, but clearly it’s bothering you, knowing while I don’t. I want you to tell me.”</p><p>   Merlin almost looks relieved at Arthur’s words, like he had been expecting him to say something else. A shred of doubt takes root in Arthur’s mind, but he forgets about it quickly enough when he hears someone clear their throat behind him. He jumps slightly, clearly not having heard Morgana come in. If Merlin had seen her over his shoulder, then that would explain the relief. Except that a quick glance over at Merlin shows him to be just as surprised by Morgana’s arrival as Arthur had been. Something was going on here, but he had to tackle one issue at a time. First, Morgana.</p><p>   Turning to face her fully, he says, “I don’t know how long you’ve been standing there, or how much you heard, but I have to assume that you heard enough. I know there is something you need to tell me, that you have already told Merlin, and I want to know.”</p><p>   Morgana continues to stare at him before shifting her gaze to Merlin. When Arthur does too, he finds Merlin looking back at her intently, eyebrows raised. They look like they’re having an entire silent conversation, and leaving him out of it completely. He grits his teeth to avoid yelling at them, his previous frustrations and annoyances from the day bubbling back up to the surface. When he looks back at Morgana, he finds her looking back at him again. He feels Merlin shift closer beside him.</p><p>   “Well?” He demands, patience holding on by a thread.</p><p>   “I’m your sister.” Morgana says, tilting her chin up, as if readying herself for a fight.</p><p>   Arthur blinks. “That’s it? Morgana, I already know that you’re practically part of my family. I already view you as my sister. That’s no secret.” He says.</p><p>   “No, Arthur.” Morgana says. “I <em>am</em> your sister. Well, half sister, actually. Uther is not only your father. He’s mine as well.”</p><p>   Silence follows as Arthur processes that. Uther was Morgana’s father as well. Morgana was actually his sister. Then that meant... No, that couldn’t be right. His father had loved his mother. He would never have had an affair behind her back. He wasn’t always the best father, but he wouldn’t have gone that far. Would he?</p><p>   “Arthur?” He hears Merlin’s soft and concerned voice beside him. For the first time since they met, Arthur’s blocks out his voice.</p><p>   “No, that can’t be right. You have to have the wrong information. My father was happily married when you were born. Or, at least when you would’ve been conceived. You’re wrong.” He says, meeting the woman’s stubborn and defiant stare.</p><p>   “I’m not.” She says.</p><p>   Arthur scoffs. “And how do you know this? Did he just happen to let it slip?” He asks, voice hard. Morgana glares at him. He’s beginning to see why she was putting off this conversation. The tension in the air was thick.</p><p>   “I found my birth certificate in his office, Arthur.” She says. “It clearly states Uther as my father. It would explain why he took me in when my parents died. He felt responsible for his daughter that he had helped bring into the world.” She snaps.</p><p>   Arthur clenches his teeth. No. That couldn’t be right. But... It did explain a lot. Why his father always doted on her. Why she got away with everything he never could. Why she had come to live with them in the first place. Why he sometimes saw so much of his father in her at times. At times like right now, her eyes hard and her head held just so, like she knew that she was better than him. <em>She</em> never disappointed Uther like Arthur had seemed to do at every turn. The only mistake Morgana ever made was having a women other than Ygraine as her mother.</p><p>   A hand lands on his arm, and he flinches away. He didn’t want pity or comfort. He wanted to be alone. He had to be alone because he could feel a storm of emotions brewing in his chest, and he knew that one way or another, they were going to burst out of him.</p><p>   “Arthur?” Merlin’s voice beside him almost sounded scared. He’s shocked when a voice inside his head sneers, <em>‘</em><em>Good.’</em></p><p>   “I’m going for a walk.” He hears himself say. His eyes snap back to Morgana with laser sharp focus when he hears her scoff.</p><p>   “This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I told Merlin that you would be better off not knowing yet. You’re already being pulled in so many directions, that it wouldn’t take much to set you off.” Her words have Merlin inhaling sharply.</p><p>   Arthur’s glare is ice cold as he replies in a low voice, “It may not seem like this has anything to do with me, but I had a right to know when you found out. It is not only you that our father has been lying to all their lives. How do you think I felt growing up, watching my father pick someone else’s child over his own flesh and blood? You were always his favourite, and I often thought that he wished you were his instead of me. Turns out, you were, I was just the one he got stuck with having to admit was his. He never wanted me, not really, and now I know why. You... you should have told me sooner, Morgana.”</p><p>   His sister is staring at him, eyes glassy with unshed tears. He smiles at the sight. <em>Good</em>. She opens her mouth to say something, but he silences her with a raised hand. He doesn’t want to hear anything else. He needs to get out of here. He glances back at Merlin quickly as he takes a step forward. His expression is unreadable, but there is something that sets his teeth on edge lurking in his eyes.</p><p>   He brushes past Morgana on his way to the door. Neither one tries to stop him. His hands are surprisingly steady as he tugs his shoes and coat back on. Wrenching the door open, he strides out, shoulders squared and jaw tense. He honestly isn’t sure if he feels disappointed or relieved that Merlin doesn’t run after him as he makes his way out of the building.</p><p>   The air that fills his lungs in deep gulps as he steps outside is cold. He shivers, despite the coat. Hunching up his shoulders, he takes purposeful strides away from the building. Away from the woman who was actually his family. Away from the love of his life, who he was concerned was hiding something from him. Would his secret hurt as much as Morgana’s had?</p><p>   Before he even knows what he’s doing, he’s pulling his phone out, dialling the number he unfortunately knows off by heart. His heart pounds in his chest as he listens to it ring, nearly stopping when the person on the other line answers.</p><p>   <em>“Arthur?”</em> His father says. Arthur can’t tell if his father is surprised to hear from him or not.</p><p>   “If your behaviour towards me lately wasn’t proof enough, then now I know what a right bastard you are.” He seethes.</p><p>   <em>“Arthur, what are you talking about?”</em> Uther demands.</p><p>   “I’m talking about my half sister, <em>Father</em>. I’m talking about the loving wife that you betrayed. I’m talking about the family that you never gave a damn about.” He snaps back, trying to keep his voice down to prevent <em>too</em> many people overhearing the conversation.</p><p>   <em>“Ah, so Morgana told you.”</em> Is all the man says. For a second, Arthur has no idea what to say.</p><p>   “Yes, she did. You spent my entire life lying to me. About everything. And for what purpose? To try to mold and manipulate me into the son you actually wanted? How could you betray my mother like that? For all the love you claimed to have for her, you certainly had no issues breaking her heart at the first available opportunity.” His voice is shaking with pent up emotion.</p><p>   <em>“That is enough, Arthur. I will not be spoken to like that. Especially not by the likes of you.”</em> His father snaps angrily. To Arthur’s further frustration, he listens, snapping his jaws closed. He grips the phone so hard that his fingers ache. <em>“You have no real idea about what happened. You have no right to judge me.”</em></p><p>   Arthur practically snarls. “Maybe not, but I do know that I would rather die before hurting Merlin in such a way. Maybe there <em>is</em> a chance that I will become a better man than you ever will be.”</p><p>   He can hear his father inhaling deeply to reply, and pulls the phone away from his ear, ending the call. His hands are now shaking as he shoves his phone back into his pocket. He’s half expecting his father to call him right back, but his phone remains silent. Apparently, he’s not even worth the time to try to call to finish berating him for his accusations and insults. He suddenly realizes now how easily pushed aside and replaced he is. He always had been. His own father had not cared when Arthur had left the house, after all. He had not even looked back, not seriously anyway, after cutting his own son off. Arthur may as well have never existed at all, for how much his father cared.</p><p>   An image of Merlin swims behind his closed eyelids. Had Merlin not tried to kiss those thoughts and fears away? Had Merlin not promised him with words and loving caresses that he would hold on to and cherish Arthur forever? Had he actually been lying all this time? He thinks over all the smiles, all the touches, and reverent kisses. No, he still had Merlin, and despite how much the epiphany had hurt, he now had a real sister as well. It didn’t matter to him that they didn’t share a mother. Morgana was his real family. The only blood family he had left, really.</p><p>   His phone vibrates, and he hesitantly pulls it out. Waiting there for him is a text from Merlin. Whatever his mood regarding the man was before, the sight of his name now relaxes him.</p><p><em> <strong>From: Merlin, 7:15 PM <br/></strong> </em> <em>Arthur, I just want you to know that I love you. I know you want to be alone, that you hate seeming vulnerable in front of other people, but please come home. Morgana has left to spend at least the night with a friend, figuring you’d want some space to process. You don’t have to go through life alone, not anymore. Let me help.</em></p><p>  Arthur releases a shuddery breath. He doesn’t want to go home just yet. He doesn’t text Merlin back, only feeling mildly guilty about leaving him on <em>‘Read’</em>. He would understand.</p><p>   A small park appears up ahead, and he heads in that direction. Sinking down onto an empty bench, he rests his head in his hands. It was amazing how one single sentence could change his whole viewpoint on his childhood. His father had lied about so many things. Eventually, he would have to properly talk to the man, to get those final shreds of closure, if nothing else. He wanted to know why he was never good enough. For now, though, he needed to keep his distance from the man.</p><p>   When his phone rings in his pocket, he finally hauls himself to his feet. He has no idea how long he has been out, but Merlin was surely worried sick by now. The last thing he wanted to add on to the day was another fight with his fiancé. Those never ended well, and always left him with the familiar bitter taste of <em>failure</em> on his tongue. He takes slow steps towards home, wanting to prolong his solitude as long as he could without Merlin trying to murder him when he finally returned. By the time he reaches their flat, all he wants to do is curl up in bed in Merlin’s arms. Upon entering, Merlin does just that, never letting go.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   They had been at it for an hour already, and Arthur was bored and just wanted to call it quits. Leon, however, took his duties as Best Man very seriously. He also had promised Merlin that he would corral Arthur into as many tailoring shoppes as needed to get the blond a suit for the wedding, and he was a man of honour who never broke his promises. Arthur was wishing that just this once, he would make an exception. Arthur had spent many long hours in shoppes just like these growing up, always needing something new and "in style" for his father to parade him around in during important events. When he met Merlin, he had been hoping that those days were finally behind him. Now, here he was. The only difference now being the absence of his father's critical eyes.</p><p>   "How about this one?" Leon asks, pointing to a lavish black suit hanging on the wall. Arthur wrinkles his nose as he shakes his head. Leon sighs in exasperation. "Why not?"</p><p>   "It looks like I'll be attending a funeral, not a wedding." Arthur grouches. By this point, Arthur isn't sure if he is saying no because he genuinely doesn't like them, or if he's saying no simply to be difficult. From the look that his friend is giving him, he's expecting it to be the latter.</p><p>   With a long suffering sigh, Leon says, "You can't keep saying no to everything, Arthur. There has to be something around here that you like."</p><p>   He's telling the truth, Arthur knows that. The sooner he finds something that he can picture wearing to a wedding, <em>his wedding</em>, the sooner they can both be done with it and leave. He casts thoughtful eyes around, taking in the varying shades of black, the differing looks of cut and styles. Finally, his gaze lands on something different. A charcoal coloured suit, hidden in amongst all the somber black. Leon notices his gaze, and when he follows it, gets a ridiculously overdramatic look of relief on his face.</p><p>   Striding over, he grabs it and holds it up for his inspection first, before turning to show Arthur. "This one?"</p><p>   Arthur chews on his lower lip for a moment, studying the garment from a distance before walking closer. It's obviously well made enough. The shape, he guesses, would look flattering enough on him, given a few simple alterations. Tucked under the jacket is a simple, but elegant, white shirt. When Arthur looks up to meet Leon's eyes, he nods his head. The man's shoulders almost sag in relief, and he waves the attendee over.</p><p>   "He'll try this one, please." Leon says, handing the suit over. The man, probably in his mid-fifties, casts an appraising eye over Arthur, nodding his head.</p><p>   "Yes," he says, "I think this will look quite good. Follow me, Sir."</p><p>   Arthur shoots Leon a beseeching look before following the man to the dressing rooms at the back of the small room. Leon follows at a distance, willing to wait until his friend is actually wearing the suit before getting closer. The employee enters one of the small cubicles, hanging the suit up, before leaving to fetch a belt and a selection of different coloured ties. Hanging the belt up beside the suit, he then holds up the ties for Arthur's inspection. The blond's eyes are immediately drawn to the blue one, thoughts jumping to Merlin's eyes.</p><p>   "That one." He says, pointing to it. The man bobs his head, moving to hang it with the belt.</p><p>   "Very good choice, Sir." He says, draping the other ties over his arm. "It brings out your eyes."</p><p>   Arthur stares at him for a moment, wondering how exactly to take that sentence, as Leon hastily covers a laugh with a cough behind a hand. Arthur smiles politely. "Thank you."</p><p>   The man bobs his head again, sinking into the background as Arthur turns to enter the dressing room. He clicks the door shut behind him, then strips out of his jeans and tee. Lifting the suit trousers, he slowly pulls them on, thoughts drifting to the last time he had worn a full-fledged suit. The night he had come out to his father. He was lucky enough to be allowed to dress quite casually at work. Jeans and a button down being the "uniform" of choice for most of the employees there, himself included.</p><p>   The fabric is soft and smooth as he pulls it up over his legs, settling them around his hips and doing them up. He quickly threads the belt through the loops, but leaves that undone until the shirt is on and tucked in. The shirt is equally as soft as he puts it on, taking his time to do up all the buttons, then the cuffs. He tucks it in smoothly, doing up the belt snugly afterwards. His hands reach for the tie automatically, looping it around his neck and tying it from sheer muscle memory. He settles the knot up near his throat, smoothing the fabric down over his chest before shrugging the jacket on and doing up those buttons. One deep breath later, and he checks his reflection in the mirror.</p><p>   A soft knock on the door makes him jump. "Arthur, you're taking quite a while in there. Everything okay?" Leon's voice asks.</p><p>   "Yes." Arthur replies absently. "I'm done. I'll be right out." He adds. He casts his reflection one last look before pulling the door open and stepping out. An array of shoes are waiting for him, along with Leon and the shoppe's employee, both of whom are looking him up and down intently. Arthur keeps his attention on the shoes, selecting the pair he likes the best, and crouching down to pull them on and lace them up.</p><p>   "What do you think?" He asks as he straightens back up. The man takes that as permission to approach, deft fingers running over the fabric along his shoulders, pinching it here and there. Arthur pays him no mind as he looks at Leon for an answer.</p><p>   Leon nods agreeably. "I think it suits you. I think Merlin will like it as well. It's classy, without being too traditional and stuffy. He'll appreciate that."</p><p>   The man, for his part, doesn't so much as falter or pause at the sudden knowledge that Arthur is engaged to marry another man. Arthur instantly has more respect for him. He smiles back at Leon, nerves bubbling back up in his chest. Before he has a chance to reply to his friend, however, the man steps back and catches his attention.</p><p>   "It fits you well. There are some minor alterations I would like to make. A Groom must look his best on his wedding day, after all." The man says.</p><p>   "Thank you." Arthur replies, genuinely surprised at how unfazed and accepting the man was. "Do whatever you deem necessary."</p><p>   The man nods back. "If you will wait here a moment." He says. Arthur nods, and the man disappears. Once they are alone, he turns back to look at Leon again. His friend looks almost proud of him, and he quickly turns to look at himself in another mirror, this one set into the wall just to the right of the dressing rooms.</p><p>   "Leon," he says quietly, "do you think I'm making the right decision?"</p><p>   Leon hums. "Regarding wearing grey, or getting married?" When Arthur shoots him a look, he sobers. "Arthur, only your heart can truly tell you that."</p><p>   Arthur turns back to the mirror, eyes landing immediately on the blue tie. He bites his lip, so many emotions swirling in his chest that he can't even begin to parse them out. He has no idea where to even start. He was familiar with wedding jitters, obviously. Everyone was. But he had never seen anyone close to him experience them, or be able to describe what they felt like. Was this feeling in his gut merely that? Or was it something else? Something much more worrisome?</p><p>   "And what if my heart is so twisted up and turned around right now that it doesn't know?" He asks.</p><p>   "That's the thing about the heart, Arthur. It always knows." Leon replies. "However, sometimes the head likes to try to trick you. Tries to make you think that <em>it's</em> the heart instead. It'll get you running around in so many circles that you no longer know which way you were heading in the first place."</p><p>   Arthur grimaces. "If that's the case, how could I possibly figure out what my actual heart is telling me?" He asks. Leon appears in the mirror over his shoulder, a reassuring and soothing look on his face.</p><p>   "You need to close your eyes, and just breathe." He instructs. Arthur does as he is told. "Clear your head of everything else that's going on. Forget about your father, about Morgana, and school, and work. Even push aside the actual wedding itself. Just focus on Merlin. Let everything about him consume all of you. Let nothing but him fill your mind, and your senses. Breathe him in, and breathe out everything else."</p><p>   Arthur follows Leon's words, letting go of everything except for Merlin. His chest feels warm, and as he exhales all his other stresses in life, that warmth grows. He feels lighter as he focuses on the feel of Merlin's hands on him, gently caressing his skin. The scent of his hair when they lay tangled in bed together, Arthur's nose pressed into the dark locks. The sound of his voice, of his laugh. The taste of his tongue, curling with his own.</p><p>   "How do you feel?" Leon's voice in his ear almost sounds distorted and distant.</p><p>   "Light." Arthur replies simply. He did indeed feel like he could actually just float away at the moment.</p><p>   "Now," Leon continues, "picture not having Merlin in your life anymore. How do you feel?"</p><p>   Arthur's chest constricts, and he inhales sharply. His eyes snap open, meeting Leon's in the mirror. His voice sounds stricken as he replies, "I can't. That's... unimaginable."</p><p>   Leon smiles. "Then that is what your heart is telling you, Arthur. You love Merlin, and he loves you. As cliché as that sounds, that is enough. Nerves are inevitable. Your entire life is changing. You are binding yourself, your heart, to one person for the rest of time. It's a daunting idea, but it's also something special. You do not have anything to fear, Arthur."</p><p>   A shaky breath leaves Arthur's lungs as he nods. The man reappears, and Leon backs off as he approaches Arthur. Arthur stands still as the man bustles around him, placing pins in various places, making little marks on the fabric with a white pencil. Arthur stares blankly ahead, thinking over what Leon had said. He had made sense. With everything else out of the way, he knew how he felt about Merlin. He was fairly confident that he knew how Merlin felt about him. He had proposed for a reason. He had been able to picture their lives forever entwined together. Some things may have changed since he first bought that ring for Merlin, but he was relatively sure that their love for each other had not. At least, not on his end.</p><p>   "That should do it." The man says, stepping back and jolting Arthur from his thoughts. "If you would carefully change, I will start on those alterations right away, Sir."</p><p>   Arthur gives him a weak smile, and nods his head, not quite looking at him. He avoids Leon's gaze as he turns to return to the dressing room. He slowly and carefully takes the suit off, making sure not to jostle any pins out of place. He hangs everything up, placing the belt, tie, and shoes along with it, before pulling on his own clothes. He looks at his reflection again, making note of how pale his skin looks. Looking away, he gathers everything in his arms, and leaves the cubicle.</p><p>   After passing everything off to the man, Arthur and Leon make their way to the counter. They wait for the man to return in silence, neither one bringing up the conversation they just had. In a way, Arthur is grateful. He doesn't need a reminder that his oldest friend now is fully aware of just how freaked out he really is. He pays the deposit when the man returns to the counter, and then the two of them leave, Arthur mentally scratching off the item on his <em>Wedding To-Do</em> list.</p><p>   "How about coffee?" Leon suggests, and Arthur feels a rush of platonic affection for his friend. He was almost as good as Merlin was at reading his body language, his mood, and suggesting the perfect remedy for it.</p><p>   "Coffee sound perfect." Arthur agrees. Leon knows of a small café nearby, so they walk in companionable silence, giving Arthur the chance to try to destress and clear his mind. The task proves difficult, as the sheer number of things for him to do presses back. High up on the list was sitting down with Morgana and discussing everything in a calm and conducive manner. He wasn't angry or bitter anymore. That had worn off with the shock of the news. He now realized that he and Morgana probably had a lot to talk about. Stories to swap. He wanted to have a real relationship with his sister.</p><p>   Leon gestures to a small, cozy looking building as they approach. Arthur immediately takes a liking to it as they push inside. It was warm and smelled heavenly. The atmosphere was decidedly friendly, and the staff behind the counter had genuine smile on their faces, like they enjoyed their work there and weren't just forcing their pleasantries to try to keep their jobs. They approach the counter and order their drinks, Leon insisting on paying for them both. Arthur grudgingly backs down, allowing his eyes to wander over the other customers. He spots a familiar figure seated at a table by the back corner, back to the room, and shoulders hunched up to his ears.</p><p>   "Merlin?" He says out loud, startled at seeing his fiancé here, of all places. His voice must have been louder than he had intended, because Leon looks over at the same time that the man jumps slightly at the table, head whipping around to look over his shoulder. For a second, he looks panicked, eyes widening visibly. The sight he makes has something unpleasant curling in Arthur's gut.</p><p>   "Arthur?" Merlin says, voice noticeably higher pitched than it usually was. Something was going on. "What are you doing here?"</p><p>   Arthur cocks his head, glancing quickly over his shoulder at Leon beside him, before looking back at Merlin. "I could ask you the same thing." He replies. "I thought you were meeting a classmate to help them with something for school."</p><p>   Merlin swallows, eyes darting to the doors before he relaxes slightly. "I was. He just left before you came in."</p><p>   That feeling that Merlin was lying to him rears it's head again, and Arthur grits his teeth as inconspicuously as possible. "You won't mind us joining you then, will you?" He asks, voicing it in such a way that Merlin can tell that he is leaving little room for any answer other then no.</p><p>   "Of course not." Merlin replies, smiling so convincingly that, had Arthur not seen the previous panic in his eyes, he would've been fooled. He smiles back, waiting to get their drinks, then leading Leon to the small, round table. He sits next to his fiancé, leaning in to kiss his cheek. He feels slightly appeased when he feels Merlin lean into his touch. They were fine, everything was fine. He was imagining things.</p><p>   The tension in Merlin's shoulders melts away as the three of them talk. Once Arthur's drink is gone, half of it drunk by Merlin who grumbled every sip over the bitter taste, they all get up to leave. Merlin walks with them back to where they had parked near the tailoring shoppe. They say their goodbyes to Leon, Arthur thanking him once again for all his help. He doesn't get into specifics, not with Merlin right there, but Leon understands all the same.</p><p>   Pulling Arthur into a one armed hug, Leon says very quietly, "Listen to your heart, Arthur, not your head." Arthur nods in response as they step back, smile tense and strained on his face.</p><p>   "What was that about?" Merlin asks curiously as they get into Arthur's car, the man apparently having walked to the café earlier.</p><p>   "Nothing." Arthur says, pushing down that off feeling in his chest at not telling Merlin the truth. Again. "He was just very helpful earlier, picking out a suit. Not to mention paying for coffee afterwards."</p><p>   Merlin shrugs, seeming to accept Arthur's explanation. He isn't sure if that makes him feel better or worse. The drive home is silent between them, and Arthur isn't sure if he is the only one feeling the thick tension in the air. It's heavy on his chest, and sometimes he feels as if he is struggling to take anything other then shallow breaths. He's relieved when they finally pull up into their parking spot, and he can get back out into the fresh, and much thinner, air. He takes a few discreet gulps of air, then meets Merlin on the sidewalk, tangling their fingers together, He gets a soft smile in return, and his heart relaxes a bit. This small bit of normalcy between them soothes some of his worries.</p><p>   As soon as they are through the door, and their shoes and coats are off, Arthur presses Merlin against the wall and kisses him firmly on the mouth. Everything had gotten so tangled up lately that he was desperate to know that this was still the same. He had to know that nothing between him and Merlin had changed. The beast in his chest that had previously been unsure and uneasy, starts purring when Merlin kisses him back, twining his hands into Arthur's hair.</p><p>   Heat pools in his gut, even as his shoulders relax. He presses a knee between Merlin's, pressing closer until his thigh makes contact with Merlin's erection, and he groans. Pulling away, he meets Merlin's lust-heavy eyes. They have a short, silent conversation, then both pull away from the wall, stumbling through their flat to the bedroom, shedding clothes as they go. By the time they tumble down onto the bed, practically tangled together, they're both naked.</p><p>   Merlin settles on his back, hands gripping Arthur's hips, as Arthur straddles his thighs. He lets his hands run restlessly over Merlin's legs, watching keenly as the man's cock jumps every time his hands draw near. Merlin whines, shifting as best he can under Arthur's weight. The blond gets the idea, and while he likes the idea of teasing Merlin, he much prefers the idea of being buried in him more. Merlin sighs as Arthur lifts up onto his knees to reach over to grab the lube from his beside table. He leaves the condoms where they are, making Merlin groan.</p><p>   Coating his fingers, he moves farther down Merlin's body, immediately pushing two past Merlin's entrance. Merlin's breath hitches as his hands curl in the sheets. Arthur leans down to mouth at his sharp hipbones, crooking his fingers and drawing a long moan from the man's lips. He scissors his fingers apart before pushing in a third. He feels Merlin's muscles quiver underneath him, and he grins. This, he is still sure about.</p><p>   "Arthur." Merlin says breathlessly. "I'm ready, please. I need to feel you." Arthur takes a moment to rest his forehead against Merlin's taut stomach, catching his breath. When he sits back up, he pulls his fingers from Merlin's body, leaning up to silence his whine with a filthy kiss.</p><p>   "I love you." He mumbles against his mouth before pulling away to slick himself up. Merlin watches with hungry eyes, spreading his legs farther apart as Arthur settles between them. Reaching down, he wipes his hand over Merlin's cock, smearing lube on his hot flesh. Merlin bites his lower lip, his hips bucking up involuntarily.</p><p>   One hand on Merlin's hip, the other holding himself at the base, he lines up and slowly pushes in. They both groan in unison as Arthur first pushes past the ring of hastily stretched muscle, relishing in the sudden give, then hot slide, as he slowly enters his fiancé. Merlin writhes beneath him, hands shifting from the sheets to clutch at his shoulders. His firm grip pulls Arthur down, sealing their lips together again as Arthur bottoms out. They take a moment to just breathe, and kiss, as they adjust to the feeling. After a moment, Arthur pulls back, snapping his hips forward. Merlin thrusts down to meet him, punching  a groan out of Arthur's lungs. Merlin swallows it greedily.</p><p>   They easily fall into a rhythm, having done this countless times before. It's an equal give and take that leaves them both breathless and maddeningly teetering on the edge without tumbling over. Their kisses devolve from being all tongues and teeth, to simple but frantic presses of lips, to merely panting against each other's mouths. Eventually, Arthur moves his mouth across Merlin's jaw, kissing down the column of his throat until he reaches Merlin's collarbones. He sucks on the skin there, delighting in the sounds of Merlin's hitched breaths being panted in his ear.</p><p>   Blunt fingernails dig into Arthur's shoulder blades, and he knows that Merlin is close. His own muscles are quivering with exertion, barely holding him together. Merlin's legs curl around his waist, urging his next thrust to go harder and deeper than before. Arthur moans against Merlin's skin. His heart stutters when he feels Merlin loosen his grip on his back, trailing his deft fingers down his arms, until their hands meet. Arthur curls his fingers around Merlin's hands, palms pressed together as he lifts Merlin's arms up above his head.</p><p>   "I love you." Arthur repeats, voice coming out choked with several different emotions. It sounds odd. Distinctly out of place in the room, the scent of sweat and sex in the air, the sound of slick skin meeting filling the silence. Merlin shudders at the words, tightening his grip on Arthur's fingers, his legs around his waist.</p><p>   When Merlin comes, he is nearly silent. His mouth drops open, eyes squeezed shut. Every muscle tightens, and Arthur feels a groan rumble deep in his chest as he buries himself in Merlin one last time, and lets go. He snaps his hips in very small, shallow thrusts as he rides out his high, his stomach rutting against Merlin's own cock between them, milking every last drop from the man as he possibly can. When they're both done, they're shaking.</p><p>   Arthur pulls out gingerly, his softening cock giving a half-hearted twitch at the sight of his come dribbling out of Merlin's ass. Trembling hands reach out to grab a kleenex from beside the bed. He does his best to wipe Merlin's chest and stomach clean before wiping between his legs. Merlin's breath shakes at the movement, the action seeming oddly intimate, even after what they had just shared. After trying to clean Merlin's come smeared across his own stomach off, he lays down beside him, arms reaching out to pull him closer.</p><p>   Merlin presses his face into Arthur's shoulder, his lips grazing over Arthur's overheated skin as he says, "I love you, too."</p><p>   Arthur feels himself fill with warmth, even after hearing those words directed at him so many times already. He hopes to never lose the flutter in his chest when he hears them. He hopes he never loses that love.</p><p>   They lapse into silence as they both catch their breath. As they lie there, Arthur thinks back on how Merlin had reacted to his sudden appearance at the café. He had been imagining things. Leon had never noticed anything off about Merlin's behaviour. He was simply projecting his own insecurities onto his fiancé.</p><p>   <em>'Listen to your heart, Arthur, not your head.'</em> Leon had said. Wise words. Gentle fingers start lazily drawing shapes on his bare chest. It takes him a moment to recognize the shapes as hearts, and his own heart flutters again. How could he have ever suspected Merlin of going behind his back and.. what? Having an affair? What exactly had he thought that Merlin had been up to? He didn't know.</p><p>   He wraps his arms around Merlin tighter, pulling him in closer. He presses a kiss to Merlin's sweaty forehead, closing his eyes and just holding his lips there for a moment, breathing him in. He follows Leon's instructions from before, letting Merlin fill every single one of his senses. They were okay. Everything was fine. If he repeated it enough, would he finally believe it?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Time gets away from Arthur a bit, between school and trying to finish the myriad of things Merlin needs help with for their wedding. He is truly exhausted, so aside from texting Morgana and patching things up as best they can over the phone, he doesn't get much of a chance to actually see her in person. A friend of hers, Elena, graciously offered her the spare room in her flat, so his sister was no longer living on their sofa. Arthur almost misses having her close by at all times. It isn't until the morning of his and Merlin's shared Stag Do, planned for the middle of November to avoid exams, that he actually has a chance to sit down and talk with her.</p><p>   They're sitting across from each other at the café that Merlin works at <em>(Morgana had raised an eyebrow at the suggestion for location, then promptly teased Arthur mercilessly about how he couldn't be apart from Merlin for more than a few hours at a time. Arthur had blushed profusely, then adamantly told her that Merlin wasn't even working that day, he just liked their lattes)</em>. The atmosphere is relaxed, much more so than Arthur had been expecting. Morgana seems happy now that she has settled into a place to live long term, and Arthur can't help but notice how well the emotion suits her. She truly did seem to be flourishing now that she was out from under Uther's thumb, no matter how much extra freedom he had given her.</p><p>   "You know," Arthur muses, "when you first came to stay with us, Father took me aside and told me that under no circumstances was I ever to have any sort of romantic feelings for you. I hadn't understood at the time, but it really does make sense now."</p><p>   Morgana sniffs. "The bastard should've just been honest with us both. He couldn't have anything tarnishing his name, though, and I'm willing to bet that he never trusted us to keep our mouths shut about his affair."</p><p>   Arthur nods, eyes staring down at the last dregs of tea in his mug. He swirls them around absently, still feeling the sting from what his, <em>their</em>, father had done and kept from them. Was that why he had been so hard on Arthur all his life? His guilt was just too much to bear?</p><p>   "Are you excited for tonight?" Morgana asks. Arthur is both relieved at the change in topic, but also apprehensive about the new one. Merlin's strange behaviour hadn't persisted. He no longer woke up alone most mornings anymore, but Merlin had seemed distant. He was on his phone a lot more than usual, a frown marring his features that Arthur wasn't used to seeing there. A few times he had even ducked out of the room to make or answer phone calls. He always came back different. Almost withdrawn and irritable. He assured Arthur that everything was fine, there was nothing going on, but Arthur was having a harder and harder time believing it.</p><p>   "I--" Arthur starts, then stops. "Something is up with Merlin. He's acting strangely, I just can't figure out why. I feel like he's keeping something from me. Something important."</p><p>   Morgana studies him for a moment before answering. "I'm sure it's nothing, Arthur. You've been having wedding jitters, he's probably feeling the same way. This is a big step you two are taking, after all."</p><p>   "I know." Arthur sighs, scrubbing wearily at his face. "I know, and I'm sure you're right, I just-- I don't know. I don't have a very good feeling about it all, I guess."</p><p>   When he drops his hands, he finds Morgana looking at him with something akin to pity in her eyes. He resents that, and has to fight back the annoyance trying to bristle down his spine. Gritting his teeth, he lifts his mug to his mouth and tips his head back, swallowing down the last dew drops of his mostly cold tea. He grimaces as he feels it slide down his throat.</p><p>   "Arthur," Morgana says in a stern tone, "I know that Uther did a number on you, that as much as you won't admit it, you never feel like you're good enough. You need to allow yourself to be happy. Uther has no control over you anymore. You are your own man now. Don't let our father's insecurities tear you down. You're so much better than that."</p><p>   He offers her a weak smile. "Thank you, 'Gana." He says, setting his empty mug back down. "I know that it's all just in my head, but I just... I can't help it. Something just feels <em>off</em>, and it's practically driving me mad."</p><p>   "You have no idea as to what he could possibly be keeping from you?" Morgana asks with a lift of her head.</p><p>   "No." Arthur sighs, defeated.</p><p>   Reaching across the table to take his hands into hers, she says, "Then don't stress over it. There's no sense losing your mind over something that may not be an issue. You need to trust that if something was happening, Merlin will tell you."</p><p>   She's right. Arthur knows that she's right. Still, he can't quite shake the dark feeling looming over his head. The idea that Merlin was keeping things from him hurt, but with every passing day, it seemed to be more and more like the truth. For the life of him, he just couldn't figure out what. His sister's hands squeezing his pulls him back to the present.</p><p>   "Stop worrying, Arthur." She gently chastises. "Now, come on. We've been here long enough, and it's time to head back. You can't be late for your own party."</p><p>   Arthur takes a deep breath, trying to settle his thoughts. They both get up, tossing their cups in the garbage as they leave the café. They had walked there earlier, enjoying the slightly warmer temperatures. They walk back toward Arthur and Merlin's flat in silence. Arthur can't help but have a rush of relief at having Morgana in his life, properly now. He had always viewed her as his sister, and to now know that she was, and that he finally had a good relationship with someone who was his family by blood, made him indescribably happy. He only wished that it hadn't come at such a cost. As furious as he was with his father, as resigned as he was that he would never truly have a relationship with him again, he still mourned the loss. He probably always would. He had already lost one parent. Losing the other was just as painful.</p><p>   The minute that they walk through the door, Merlin whisks him away and shoves him into the shower. He obediently scrubs himself clean, keeping the towel wrapped around his hips after drying off as he shaves the light stubble from his jaw. Merlin is in the bedroom when he enters, and he gets pulled into an insistent kiss, that wastes several minutes, before pulling on a nice pair of jeans and a black button down shirt. At Merlin's request, he rolls the sleeves up to his elbows, leaving his forearms bare. That gets him another kiss before Morgana yells at them through the closed bedroom door. Merlin smiles sheepishly as he pulls away, smoothing out the wrinkles he caused in Arthur's shirt. They are both presentable and ready to go as they exit the room.</p><p>   Morgana is waiting for them in the living room, sitting on the sofa with Leon on the opposite side and Freya perched on the arm next to her. It had been agreed that the two friends chosen as Best Man and Best Woman would meet them here, along with Morgana since she had been with Arthur already, and they would go out for a late lunch/early dinner together before meeting everyone else. What exactly they were doing afterwards, neither Arthur or Merlin knew. It had been a secret at Gwaine's request <em>(which Arthur felt said enough to make a pretty decent guess)</em>. As soon as Arthur and Merlin enter the room, Morgana claps her hands once and gets to her feet.</p><p>   "Perfect, now that you've finally graced us with your presence, let's go." She walks purposefully to the door, pausing to pull her high heels on. Leon and Freya follow obediently. Arthur turns to look at Merlin one last time.</p><p>   "Tonight is bound to get a little crazy," Arthur starts, "so I just want to tell you now that I love you."</p><p>   Merlin beams at him. "I love you, too."</p><p>   They're just pressing their lips together again when Morgana returns with a loud exclamation of, "Oh God, you two! How you ever manage to keep your hands off each other is a mystery to me. Let's go!"</p><p>   They pull part, giving her matching sheepish grins, before following her to the door. They pull on shoes and coats, and then the five of them walk out the door. Morgana leads them to the lift, and then out of the building. At the curb already is a cab, clearly waiting for them. Morgana ushers everyone in, climbing into the front seat to give directions to the restaurant. When they arrive, they all help pay the fare <em>(except Arthur and Merlin, whom the others refuse to let help)</em>, and tumble out. Arthur looks up at the building. It was a nice place. Not too expensive, but definitely not cheap. He takes a deep breath, and squeezes Merlin's hand that has found its way into his.</p><p>   <em>'Here we go.'</em> He thinks as they all stride forward. The place is just as nice inside as out, and they get seated quickly. Apparently, when the reservation was made, their meal had also been ordered ahead, so the waiter merely shows up with a bottle of both red and white wine, and fills the glasses waiting on the table already. As he steps away from sight, Morgana clears her throat to get everyone's attention. Once all eyes are on her, she lifts her glass.</p><p>   "To my brother and my soon to be Brother-In-Law. Merlin, you are one of the most genuine, kindhearted people I have ever met. Why on earth you chose <em>Arthur</em>, I will never know. What I do know is that you make him very happy, and I am delighted that he will have you for the rest of your lives. I think it's safe to say that we all love you, Merlin."</p><p>   Arthur is trying, and failing, to glare at Morgana for her jab at him, while Merlin has a blush high on his cheeks and a bashful smile on his lips. Freya and Leon echo Morgana's sentiment, raising their glasses and saying, "To Arthur and Merlin!"</p><p>   The blond looks beside him and smiles fondly, well aware of how besotted he looks. "To you." He murmurs, raising his glass along with the others.</p><p>   Merlin smiles back, raising his glass and saying, "To my favourite prat in the world."</p><p>   Before Arthur can splutter something indignantly, they're all taking a sip from their glasses, smiles around the whole table. It isn't long after that, that their meals arrive. Morgana had somehow managed to pre-order exactly what everyone wanted, and the conversation is limited as they all dig in. Arthur meets her eyes across the table, and nods his head once. <em>'Thank you'</em>. She nods back. <em>'You're welcome'</em>.</p><p>   As plates empty, the chatter picks up again. In the middle of a rather mortifying story about Arthur as a teen, told quite happily by Morgana and verified by Leon <em>(the traitor)</em>, Merlin's phone goes off. He pulls it out, glancing at it quickly, before doing a double take. Arthur notices his face pale a little, but he can't properly see the screen from where he's sitting. He places a hand on Merlin's knee, pulling his attention away from his phone. Raising his eyebrows, he silently asks if Merlin is okay. He gets a shaky nod in response as Merlin puts his phone back into his pocket, not answering whoever it was. He returns to the conversation, but his mind seems to be elsewhere.</p><p>   Their meal draws to an end, and just like before, they all pitch in to help pay, while refusing any money from either Arthur or Merlin. They all get back to their feet, pulling coats on, then follow Morgana back outside. It's decidedly cooler out now than it had been when they entered, and Merlin huddles closer into Arthur's side while they wait. For what exactly, Arthur does not know, and he knows better than to try to ask Morgana, or even Leon or Freya. The night is apparently supposed to be a surprise for the Grooms-To-Be.</p><p>   The sound of a horn honking makes Arthur look up. As soon as he does, his jaw promptly falls open. Pulling up to the curb next to them is a glossy black limousine. From the sun roof on the top, pops Gwaine, shit eating grin on his face as he holds up two bottles of undoubtedly expensive champagne.</p><p>   "Fancy seeing you all here." He calls over to them. "Need a lift anywhere?" He asks, white teeth flashing in his grin. Merlin laughs next to him, and the sound, mixed with his warmth radiating from his body pressed into Arthur's, makes Arthur forget all about the text the man had received during their meal.</p><p>  The back door opens, and out tumble the rest of their wedding party, Elyan and Percy first, followed by Gwen and Lance, who seemed to be trying to discreetly be holding hands. Arthur catches their eyes and smiles, making Gwen blush slightly and duck her head. Merlin must've noticed too, if his sunny grin is anything to go by.</p><p>   "Okay, let's go." Morgana says, ushering everyone forwards. Gwaine cheers, before disappearing. Moments later, he's emerging from the open door and rushing forward to tackle Merlin into a hug, lifting him right off his feet as he presses an obnoxious kiss to his cheek. Percy laughs at his antics, while Arthur bristles slightly.</p><p>   Setting a laughing Merlin down, Gwaine turns to Arthur with a cheeky smile. "Sorry, Princess, but you're not the only one who loves our Merlin here." Arthur scowls at him, earning himself a laugh from the man and also his traitorous fiancé. He settles as Merlin slips a hand into his, however. Gwaine gives them a wink, then bounds back to the waiting limo, diving in after everyone else. Merlin squeezes Arthur's hand, then leads them both to the open door.</p><p>   The interior is void of any normal lighting, instead outfitted with numerous black lights, and multi-coloured lights in the corners that left splashes of colour radiating out. Arthur sits next to Lance, and promptly gets a lapful of lithe frame and dark hair. His arms automatically wind around Merlin's waist, holding him closer to his chest. His fiancé strikes up an excited conversation with his friend, and Arthur feels content to merely sit there and listen to his voice, feel the solid weight of him in his lap. When he glances over at his sister, she's giving him a smug smirk. He could practically read her thoughts from her expression alone. <em>'See, I told you there was nothing to worry about with Merlin'</em>.</p><p>   After what feels like an eternity, but also no time at all, they come to a stop. Everyone excitedly starts to move, getting ready to leave. Arthur stays still, because Merlin is still in his lap, but also because he's a little apprehensive. With Gwaine as part of the planning process for this night, there was really no telling what to expect. As usual, Merlin seems to be able to read the energy he's giving off, and turns to him with a reassuring smile.</p><p>   "Don't worry." He murmurs. "I made them promise, no strip clubs."</p><p>   Arthur huffs a laugh. "With Gwaine involved, I'm sure we could be doing something worse than watching incredibly fit men and women pull their clothes off." He retorts. Merlin just grins, eyes sparkling even as they go all scrunchy with the strength of his smile. The sight makes Arthur's insides buzz, and he can't help but lean closer and kiss him softly. Merlin readily kisses back, shifting in his lap slightly to get a better angle.</p><p>    "Oi!" Gwaine's voice startles them apart. "You can find a dark corner to snog in when we get inside. Move your pretty little arses, now!"</p><p>   Merlin laughs, pressing his lips to Arthur's once more for a quick second, then gets to his feet. He pulls Arthur up with him, then pulls them both out of the vehicle. The air has gotten even cooler, and the group is huddled together as they wait for them. In front of them is a club. A brand new LGBT+ friendly club, that had just been built <em>(or renovated, Arthur could never remember)</em>, and was nearly impossible to get into, it was so popular.</p><p>   Gwaine's grin remains fixed in place as he leads the group forward. After a quick conversation with the man outside the door, and a quick consult of a clipboard in his hand, they get let in. Although warmer than outside, the interior is still on the cooler side than most places were at this time of year. The floor they enter on is actually the top floor, a circular balcony that overlooks the dance floor below. Bright flashing lights take turns bathing the whole room in light and shadow. There is already a crowd of people on the balcony, and down below, bodies dancing close to the beat of the music being pumped from hidden speakers throughout the place.</p><p>   "Shots first. No arguments." Gwaine says, grabbing Percy's hand and taking the lead down the stairs to the lower floor. Morgana grins and follows, pulling out her cell and tapping away on the screen as she expertly moves down the stairs. The rest of the group follows them, their excitement rubbing off on Arthur and leaving him with a buzzing in his veins.</p><p>   Two shots each later, and Gwaine is trying to pull as many of the group as possible to the dance floor. Arthur expects Merlin to go with him, but instead, he leans close and shouts over the music, "I have to pee. I'll be right back."</p><p>   As he turns to leave, Arthur catches sight of his face. He looks serious all of a sudden, his previous laughter lines around his eyes gone, replaced by a slight frown instead. His eyes look almost haunted, and he gets hit by the feeling again that Merlin is hiding something. He contemplates going after him, his eyes fixed on his retreating back, but before he can take a single step, Gwen is at his side.</p><p>   "Come on, Arthur!" She yells to be heard. Arthur looks down at his friend's excited, smiling face, and feels some of his tension leave. Everything was fine. Merlin was okay. He trusted him. With a deep breath, Arthur allows Gwen to pull him to the dance floor.</p><p>   As they get pressed close together by the other moving people around them, he says loudly, "I figured that you would be wanting to dance with Lance tonight."</p><p>   Just as before, Gwen ducks her head to try to hide her shy smile. "I do, and I will!" She says back. "This night is for you and Merlin, though. I want to spend some time with my two friends."</p><p>   Arthur smiles fondly at her, still just so glad that their failed attempts at dating hadn't prevented them from being friends. He truly valued having Gwen in his life. She was often the one he went to when he needed advice on something that he knew his more testosterone heavy friends would have no clue about. With a shrug, he pulls her closer, laughing along with her as they both dance badly to the throbbing music.</p><p>   A short while later, a pair of hands settles on his hips, wet lips making contact with the back of his neck, and he stiffens. A very familiar chuckle rumbles in his ear, vibrates against his back, and he immediately relaxes. <em>Merlin</em>. He tilts his head back, letting his entire body rest slightly against the man behind him.</p><p>   A breath tickles his ear before he hears Merlin say, "You look good enough to eat. What do you say to going and finding that dark corner that Gwaine was talking about?"</p><p>   Arthur groans, heat pooling in his stomach. Pulling out of Merlin's arms, he spins to face him. His breath very nearly gets knocked from his lungs at how dark Merlin's eyes are, his pupils dilated as he looks Arthur over hungrily. His cock stirs in his restrictive jeans, and he had to bite back another groan. When he nods in reply, Merlin's eyes almost seem to darken further as a predatory grin breaks out across his lips.</p><p>   "Come on." Merlin says, grabbing Arthur's hand and leading him away from the throngs of people crowded together. He thinks he hears someone call out their names, but ignores it, content to simply follow Merlin. He would follow Merlin to the edge of the world and beyond, if that was what the man wanted. That realization makes something curl in his chest. The amount of power that Merlin had over him, and the man may not even know it. He had the power to make him the happiest man alive, but also the power to utterly destroy him.</p><p>   They twist their way through the crowds of people, steadily growing larger as the night goes on. Arthur spots rows of booths along two of the outer walls, and realizes that, that is where Merlin was headed. Had he looked for a spot earlier? Was that why he had taken so long to return to Arthur's side? Arthur doesn't have very long to contemplate the idea, as Merlin is tugging him to a booth set in the very corner.</p><p>   With surprising strength, Merlin manhandles him down onto one side of the booth, climbing onto his lap after and running his fingers up into his hair. Arthur closes his eyes, letting his head fall back against the seat behind him. His hands settle on Merlin's hips, squeezing hard as Merlin takes advantage of the opportunity and connects his lips with Arthur's throat, licking and sucking and biting. Arthur practically purrs at the thought of being so obviously marked by his beloved.</p><p>   When Merlin deems the assault on his neck satisfactory, he comes back up to kiss him greedily. His hands in Arthur's hair tug on the strands. Arthur moans unashamedly into Merlin's mouth. He always did love it when Merlin gets just a touch rough and demanding.</p><p>   Merlin pulls back just enough that their lips still graze each other's as he says, "I love you."</p><p>   Arthur kisses him again, pulling back to reply, "I love you, too, Merlin. Always."</p><p>   Before they can kiss again, Gwaine appears beside them. "Ah, I should have known. Merlin, I've barely seen you all night, let's go. You're dancing with me for a bit. Bye, Princess. I promise to protect Merlin with my life!"</p><p>   With that, they're gone. Arthur shakily pushes himself fully upright, still panting slightly. Something moves on the seat beside him, and he glances down curiously. Merlin's phone is resting against his thigh. It must've fallen out of his pocket at some point. Arthur grabs it, knowing that he'll have to hold onto it for him until he manages to find his fiancé again. When it vibrates in his hand, his curiosity gets the better of him, and he looks down at the screen. He wishes he hadn't, when he sees the text waiting for the man he loves.</p><p><em> <strong>From: Father-in-Law, 10:31 PM<br/>
</strong> </em> <em>We need to discuss some things. When are you free to meet in person? This is important.</em></p><p>   Arthur stares at the screen in shock. He's still staring at it when it goes dark. A shiver runs down his spine, and he feels like he's going to vomit. <em>Father-in-Law. Uther. Merlin was talking to his father, without telling him.</em> What does he do? Does he confront Merlin now, demand an explanation? Does he wait until they get home, and are in private? Maybe it's all a misunderstanding. Maybe it's not what it seems like.</p><p>   Deciding to at least find Merlin and return his phone, he can't stand having the thing near him right now, he shakily gets to his feet. Schooling his expression to something calmly neutral, something he's had quite a bit of practice doing, he moves off in search of Gwaine and the man he dearly hoped wasn't lying to him about everything.</p><p>   By the time he spots them, he has his limbs under control, and he's no longer shaking. When Merlin sees him, he grins. Arthur smiles convincingly back, stepping close to hand over the man's phone as he says, "You dropped this earlier. Thought you might want it back."</p><p>   Merlin's eyes look scared for a moment before it all but disappears from his face. "Thanks!" He replies, taking it and sliding it securely into his pocket. Merlin urges him closer onto the dance floor, where all their friends are laughing and trying to outdo each other with their tacky moves. Arthur lets himself get pulled along. His chest feels cold, his heart numb. He manages another convincing smile as Merlin turns back around to face him. The man looks uncertain though, like he can tell that something has changed in Arthur, he's just not sure what. Seems like they were both currently keeping things from the other. The thought makes Arthur's lungs squeeze, and he feels short of breath. <em>No, no, no.</em> This wasn't real. It couldn't be. When Merlin leans in to kiss him, Arthur lets him, heart cracking in his chest.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Merlin was nervous. Arthur had seemed cold and distant all morning, and all Merlin can think is that something happened last night. Of course, he has the paralyzingly thought that he had seen his text messages with Uther, but without knowing for sure, he couldn’t bring it up. Merlin was going to tell him that he was talking to his father eventually, but it needed to be the right moment. As Merlin was still unsure himself of the other man’s intentions, he couldn’t exactly explain everything to Arthur. Not telling him, though, was eating away at him. Sooner or later, something had to give, but Merlin was currently terrified as to what that something would be.</p><p>   The look in Arthur’s eyes when Merlin had told him he had to go out for a while was unlike anything he had ever seen on the man before. He was so used to being able to read Arthur’s every emotion, that he felt derailed that he couldn’t read this one. Arthur had still given him a kiss before he left, but it felt more mechanical, more out of duty, than anything else. It didn’t resemble any of the kisses they had ever shared before. Except maybe for the ones later in the night last night.</p><p>   His heart is pounding in his chest as he makes his way down the street to the café that he usually meets Arthur’s father in. He truly did not know what to expect. When the man had first reached out to him, he had been wary. His dealings with him had been few and far between, but he knew what Arthur had told him. He had seen the damage that he had inflicted upon the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He vowed not to trust Uther too easily. If the man was sincerely genuine, then he would work to earn that trust. And work at it, he did.</p><p>   The first time that Merlin had spoken with him, he had been suspicious. He had been at work, lazily wiping down tables and counters that didn’t really need it, to kill time during such a slow day. When Uther had walked in, he had immediately put up his guard. The man, however, had seemed genuinely surprised to find him there. While serving him, Uther had asked how his son was doing. Merlin had eyed him intently, trying to read the man’s intentions. At seeing nothing but sincere curiosity, he had divulged a few scant details about Arthur. That night, he had fully intended to tell Arthur what had happened, but Arthur had been in such a foul mood already that he hadn’t dared. By the next morning, he had already forgotten about it.</p><p>   Uther returned to the café two days later, again asking about Arthur. Merlin had looked him over shrewdly, and demanded to know why Uther wanted to know. The man’s reply had been terribly sincere. <em>“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I am sorry about how I’ve treated my son, but he refuses to accept any olive branch extended on my part. I was hoping I could reconnect with him through you.”</em></p><p>   Merlin, always wanting to see and believe the best in everyone, had believed the man, but he was cautious. He refused to give him too many details on Arthur, just enough to show him how well his son was doing, despite the fact that his father didn’t approve of his lifestyle choices. He had hesitantly given the man his number, telling him that if he wanted to talk, that Merlin really couldn’t do much more while on shift at work. Uther had accepted, and thus started the train of lies Merlin had to hand to Arthur on a much too regular basis.</p><p>   Finding out about Morgana had been a shock. Naturally, Merlin was angry and had confronted Uther himself. The man’s answer had been simple. He had lied to them both in order to protect them. Merlin was well aware himself of the cruelty and viciousness of his peers, and grudgingly accepted the man’s explanation. Such news of an affair could’ve had both Morgana and Arthur picked on mercilessly throughout school. When he asked by he hadn’t told them later in life, his answer was also simple. He had lied for so long, that he didn’t know how to tell them the truth without pushing them both away. Merlin found himself agreeing somewhat with that sentiment. After all, he still had yet to tell Arthur about these talks with the man’s father.</p><p>   Despite his earlier reservations about Uther, Merlin slowly found himself starting to trust him. With each passing meeting, every question about Arthur’s well being, every text and phone call, he let his guard down a little more. Uther genuinely seemed to be repentant and eager to reconnect with his son. However, he never pushed things too far, or too fast. He never demanded to meet with Arthur. When Merlin seemed reluctant and hesitant to answer his questions, he backed right off. He appeared to want to do things right, that was why this demand to meet made Merlin so much more nervous than he had been for a while. Uther had never demanded to meet before. Something was up.</p><p>   Upon reaching the café, Merlin takes a deep breath to try and calm his racing heart and his buzzing nerves. Was this going to be the moment that Uther asks if Merlin can set up a meeting with Arthur? Was Merlin finally going to have to come clean to Arthur about what he had been up to, and who he had been talking to, for the past several weeks? The thought does nothing to help settle him. He doubted anything would help. With a grim sort of determination, he pushes the door open, and strides in.</p><p>   He scans the café as he approaches the counter, spotting Uther in his usual spot in the corner, back to the wall and eyes scanning the room. He doesn’t look as approachable as he has in the past, and it puts Merlin further on edge. What was going on? He counts to ten in his head, then gives the barista behind the counter a shaky smile, and orders a large lavender and chamomile tea, hoping it would help settle his nerves. When he gets it, he turns and makes his way toward the suddenly imposing figure of Uther Pendragon. This was the man he recognized from the night they were introduced at that gala event that Arthur had drug him to. This was the man he recognized from both Arthur’s and Morgana’s stories about their time growing up. This man scared him just enough to have him second guessing his decision to ever trust him in the first place.</p><p>   “Ah, Merlin.” Uther greets. “I do believe you are a little late.” His voice sounds as cold and distant as Arthur had looked that morning, and it makes the stone of dread in his stomach triple in size.</p><p>   “Sorry.” He replies, knowing better than to point out that it was only by a few minutes. Uther had never seemed to care before. He gingerly pulls a chair out and sits down across him him, his hands clutching his to-go cup to try and hide their shaking. He opens his mouth, trying to think of some good reason for his apparent tardiness, but Uther raises a hand, waving his words carelessly away before he has a chance to even speak them.</p><p>   “I do not wish to hear any excuses from you. I only asked you here to discuss my son.” Uther says, horribly vague.</p><p>   Merlin swallows. “You want me to try and convince Arthur to meet you, don’t you?” He guesses.</p><p>   Uther stares at him from across the table silently, seemingly studying him. The look in his eyes has Merlin fidgeting uncomfortably. He has no idea how to react to this suddenly cold, unfeeling version of Arthur’s father. Up to this point, he had never faced him as such. He had always been, well, <em>genuine</em>.</p><p>   “I do wish to have my son back in my life, yes, but these past weeks have illuminated many things for me.” The man says, talking slow as is he viewed Merlin as an idiot that may not understand otherwise.</p><p>   “And what is that?” Merlin asks, fingers gripping his cup tighter as he bristles at the tone of voice being directed at him. He didn’t appreciate being treated as if he were stupid.</p><p>   Uther sneers at him. “That as long as you are in his life, he will never accept me.”</p><p>   Merlin blinks at him, wholly confused. Had this man not told him earlier that he thought the only way back to Arthur was through Merlin? Why suddenly change his mind? Had Merlin not risked everything to try to convince this man that his son was perfect just the way he was? He had thought that he had made progress. That Uther was slowly, but surely, accepting Arthur for who he was. He thought that, with his help, Uther was finally starting to be proud of the man Arthur was becoming, instead of being disgusted by him. Had he been wrong this whole time?</p><p>   “I’m sorry to hear that.” Merlin replies, eyeing the man across from him warily. “Unfortunately, your son and I are very much in love, and there isn’t anything you can really do about that.”</p><p>   Uther’s eyes flash dangerously. “Isn’t there?” He hisses.</p><p>   Merlin flinches, mind whirling as he tries to decipher what Uther could mean. When he comes up empty handed, he asks, “What do you mean?”</p><p>   Uther grins at him, but it looks animalistic, and not at all friendly. “I mean, that to get my son back, my <em>real</em> son, not the vague shadow of the man he is right now, I will need to dispose of you and your pesky influence. You corrupted him, and you should feel disgusted with yourself. You had no right to take my son away from me.”</p><p>   Now, Merlin’s mouth drops open, anger bubbling in his stomach, threatening to overtake him completely. He swallows it back, knowing that he has to remain calm in order to keep the entire conversation from derailing spectacularly. Or, more that it already had, at least. He meets Uther’s cold eyes with what he hopes is calm determination, and tilts his chin up stubbornly. He wasn’t giving up on Arthur. He wouldn’t lose him. Not to this man.</p><p>   “I didn’t do anything to Arthur, except show him what love and acceptance look like.” He says, Uther’s face twists with fury before he schools it back to a poised sort of anger.</p><p>   “My son never questioned my decisions for him until he met <em>you</em>. He never questioned what was right and wrong in the world until he met <em>you</em>. The moment he met <em>you</em>, he lost his way. I merely want to save him from the path you so selfishly turned him down.”</p><p>   The words have Merlin bristling further. How dare he talk so cavalierly about Arthur, like he was nothing but an object to own and order around instead of being a living, breathing human being. Arthur was his own person, who made his own decisions. Unlike Uther, Merlin had never forced him to do anything against his will. He valued Arthur’s individuality. He liked how Arthur challenged him, helped him grow, how they grew together. He wouldn’t let his unyielding oaf of a man suffocate the blooms that Arthur had finally managed to create in himself. Arthur deserves better than being tied up and forced to go through life as nothing more than a tyrant’s puppet. Uther had lied to him about his intentions this whole time.</p><p>   “Your son never questioned your orders because he never knew any better. He never confided his real thoughts and feelings about his life to anyone, not even his closest friends. He only ever had Morgana telling him that he didn’t have to bend to your will at every turn in his life, and <em>her</em> he kept at arms length. He’s happier now than he ever has been because he has control over his own life.” Merlin says forcefully.</p><p>   Uther huffs out an unamused and mocking laugh. “You say he’s happier, but from what you’ve told me, he isn’t. He’s stressed, second guessing himself, moody, at times even depressed. All things he wasn’t before he met you.”</p><p>   Merlin blanches. “Those are all things he’s been since you cut him out of your life. That’s not my fault.” He argues quietly, not wanting to draw too much attention to their table.</p><p>   “I noticed the change in him the moment he walked into that café and saw you, don’t deny it.” At Merlin’s shocked face, Uther sneers again. “Yes, I know very well how you two met, and how he skipped classes the next day to sit and talk with you instead. You claim to be a good influence on him, when you are anything but. You have warped his mind, tricked him into loving you, but I see right through it. I want you gone.”</p><p>   “What?” Merlin asks, confusion and panic starting to fog his brain.</p><p>   Uther reaches into his pocket and pulls out a slip of paper, sliding it across the table toward him. “I want you to pack your things and leave, never to return. You are to break his heart, as that is the only way he will see sense, see that I was right all along, and come back to where he belongs.”</p><p>   “You’re trying to pay me off?” Merlin says numbly, eyes focused solely on the cheque sitting on the table in front of him, face down. “How is me breaking his heart going to send him back to you?”</p><p>   “From this point forward, nothing about Arthur concerns you.” The man replies coldly, refusing to answer the question.</p><p>   Merlin finally looks up, catching his eyes. “And if I say no?”</p><p>   “I will be getting my son back either way, so take the money, you foolish boy. That is all the compensation you will be getting from me and my family. Be happy that I am not merely leaving you destitute on the street.” The man snarls. With shaky fingers, Merlin picks up the cheque, looks at the large sum written across it. More than enough to disappear and still live on. Uther grins savagely. “Good man. It was a pleasure doing business with you.”</p><p>   When Uther gets to his feet, Merlin remains seated. His heart is pounding in his chest worse now than it had been before. The rushing in his ears was so loud he barely heard Uther’s footsteps as he crossed to the door, the tinkling of the bell announcing his exit. Merlin sat, staring blankly at the cheque in his hands. He had to tell Arthur. How did he tell Arthur? How did he explain everything that had happened to him in a way that wouldn’t hurt him? Or make him so angry that he simply walked away?</p><p>   He blinks out of his stupor, notices the café baristas giving him questioning and concerned looks. He ignores them, choosing to fold the cheque neatly in half and stuff it in his pocket as he gets to his feet. He tosses his mostly untouched tea in the garbage as he passes. He had to get home. He had to get to Arthur and explain before Uther tried anything. Brain running a mile a minute, Merlin heads home, desperately trying to think of a way to salvage the entire situation.</p><p>~~~</p><p>   Despite his discovery, Arthur had spent the entire night in Merlin's arms. They danced, they kissed, they laughed with their friends, but Arthur had felt oddly detached the entire time. It felt like he was with a stranger possessing Merlin's body. When they returned home in the early hours of the morning, they had even swapped lazy blowjobs. Arthur's jaw had ached after. They had cuddled close and fell asleep in each other's arms, but everything felt wrong.</p><p>   Arthur was not surprised then he woke up alone. He was surprised, however, to find Merlin not far away, as he had expected. The man was cooking breakfast, no shirt on and loose bottoms slung low on his hips. Normally, Arthur would've drooled at the sight, let his hands run over the tantalizing skin on display. Instead, he had sat at the table and stared blankly at a spot just to the left of Merlin. When Merlin turned and gave him a warm smile, Arthur hadn't returned it. He barely even looked at him. Every time he glanced at Merlin at all, he saw that text from his father. Why was Merlin talking to Uther? Had be been all this time? Why did he never tell him?</p><p>   They ate in silence, and as Merlin swallowed his last bite, he had informed Arthur that he had to leave for a bit. That same classmate needed help again. Arthur was not fooled into thinking that Merlin had an exceptionally stupid student in one of his classes. He was going to meet his father, and lying right to his face about it. As the words left the man's mouth, Arthur had looked up, scrutinized him. Merlin had stared back passively, and Arthur had to give him kudos. Just last night he had looked terrified at being found out. He clearly had more control over his emotions and facial expressions when he was sober.</p><p>   Arthur remained seated when Merlin got up and washed their dishes. He still didn't move when he left to go get ready. Only once Merlin was pulling on his shoes, did he get to his feet. He met Merlin at the door, gave him a kiss goodbye, then as soon as the door was closed, pulled his own shoes and coat on. Peeking out the door, he saw Merlin waiting for the lift. As soon as he disappeared inside, Arthur slipped out and headed for the stairs.</p><p>   Even from the distance that Arthur was keeping, he could tell that Merlin was nervous. His shoulders were hunched up around his ears, and his steps were shorter and choppier than usual. He was willing to bet that Merlin was watching his feet moving over the sidewalk, too, instead of looking up where he was going. The man before him was undoubtedly Merlin, but it was a side of Merlin that he had never seen. At least, not often enough to fully recognize it, anyway.</p><p>   Merlin eventually comes to a stop outside of a small café, and Arthur stops far enough away to not be spotted. He seemed to be psyching himself up to go inside. Arthur let's his eyes wander over the building, and remembers another café from another time. Leon and Arthur had found Merlin sitting, all hunched over and trying to appear small, once before. It hits him then that his fiancé had been meeting his father that day, and they had just happened to walk in after the man had left. That was why Merlin had been so panicked about seeing him. He had been worried that Arthur had caught him with his father. His blood starts to boil as he clenches his hands into fists.</p><p>   Before his temper can rise any higher, Merlin straightens up and walks to the café doors. As he disappears inside, Arthur steps closer. He ignores the undoubtedly confused looks he's most likely getting as he creeps closer. He stops at the edge of the window, enough that he can see in, but hopefully no one inside could spot him. He watches Merlin approach the counter, spots his father in a back corner. He has to duck back quickly when he sees his father scan the room, heart pounding and hoping that he hadn't been seen. He counts to ten slowly, going through the numbers twice more before leaning back around the corner. His father is now focused solely on Merlin as his fiancé approaches the table. Arthur holds his breath as Merlin sits down.</p><p>   As the pair start to talk, he dearly wishes that he could hear what was being said. Alas, he could not risk going inside and potentially being spotted. As he watches, Merlin's shoulders tense up. Despite the obvious betrayal he was witnessing, he still desperately wanted to comfort him, to soothe whatever stress was there away as best he could. He reins the feeling in, eyes shifting instead to his father. He physically recoils at the look on the man's face. He was too used to seeing that expression, and it raised decidedly unhappy memories.</p><p>   Merlin gets more and more tense as the conversation goes on. It was clearly getting heated. He couldn't gauge Merlin's emotions, but his father was clearly getting furious. His eyes were flashing dangerously as he sneered at the man across from him. Merlin, however, didn't seem to be backing down. For a moment, Arthur had hope that maybe he was wrong. Maybe Merlin wasn't betraying him, and had a perfectly valid reason to be here, sitting across from the man that had cut Arthur loose without a second thought. That hope gets destroyed a moment later when he watches his father pull something out of hid pocket.</p><p>   His heart rate explodes as he sees Uther slide what he knows to be a cheque across the table to Merlin. He watches as Merlin looks down at it. The pair exchange some more words. His heart launches into his throat as Merlin reaches down and picks the cheque up, eyes it up close. Uther’s victorious grin makes Arthur feel physically ill. <em>‘No, no, no. Please, Merlin, put it down. Don’t take it. Please. God, please</em><em>, Merlin.’</em></p><p>   The paper stays firmly in his fiancé’s hands as Uther says something else and gets to his feet. Arthur almost misses the fact that his father was approaching the door to the café, and had to practically throw himself around the corner. He wasn’t sure if his father had seen him or not, and he honestly didn’t really care. All he could focus on was Merlin, <em>his Merlin, </em>accepting money from his father. How long had this been going on? Had Uther been paying Merlin from the very start? Was everything they had been just a lie? A ruse to break Arthur’s spirit?</p><p>   He stumbles farther down what appeared to be an alley, desperate to just get away from the scene he had just witnessed. Hurt, and betrayal, and confusion are clouding his mind, taking over every one of his senses. He trips over something in the alley, and ends up on his hands and knees, palms stinging there they had scraped along the rough asphalt. He leans forward and vomits, body shaking. He lets his head fall between his sagging shoulders. When the smell of trash and cigarette smoke from the alley, mixed with the smell of his own sick under his nose, gets to be too much, he slowly pushes himself upright.</p><p>   What did he do now? He numbly continues down the alley, feet moving on their own. He lets them take him wherever they want. He takes in his surroundings as he goes, seeing but not really at the same time. In the back of his mind, he recognizes the area he was in, but couldn’t for the life of him remember where exactly he was. It isn’t until he stops outside of an open, intricately designed iron gate, that he realizes where his feet had taken him. The cemetery where his mother was buried.</p><p>   Despite the fact that he had not been here in a very long time, Arthur still has the route to his mother’s headstone memorized. He makes his way through the dead grass and towering trees in silence. When his mother’s small plot comes into view, he starts to shake with the force of his emotions again. He had no idea what was going on, what he had just witnessed, what he was supposed to do, or even what exactly he was even feeling. All he knew, was that he felt like he was shaking apart.</p><p>   “Hello, Mother.” He says as his feet come to a stop. He suddenly wishes that he had brought her some flowers, then feels foolish at the idea. It’s not like he knew he was coming here, after all. He opens his mouth to say something else, but cuts himself off when he feels the first few tears slip past his defences.</p><p>   He slowly sinks down onto the cool earth, letting his fingers sink into the ground below him as much as he could, given how cold everything was. He shivers as the wind picks up. Why would Merlin do this? And why keep it from him? He takes several breaths, then starts talking before he even knows what he was going to say.</p><p>   “I know about what Father did to you. I know about the affair, and Morgana. You loved him, and he broke your trust, and your heart. Even if you didn’t know what he had done, I am sure you still felt it.” He pauses to swallow thickly around the lump in his throat. “I told you about Merlin, how I had finally found someone who made me happy. Today, I saw him... He’s been in contact with Uther, I don’t know for how long. He could’ve been going behind my back the entire time we’ve been together, stringing me along for my father. For what purpose, I don’t know. All I know is, I saw him taking money from the man, and I—“</p><p>   He turns his head away, lifting his hands from the ground to rub angrily at his wet cheeks. His heart is throbbing painfully in his chest with every beat, and he feels like he can’t quite breathe properly. He loved Merlin. He had trusted him. And for what?</p><p>   “I don’t know what to do.” He breathes out on a sigh. “He’s clearly been keeping things from me, lying straight to my face. How can I trust any kind of explanation he gives me?”</p><p>   As soon as the words leave his lips, he feels like he might be sick again. He squeezes his eyes shut, clenching his jaw, as he focuses on just breathing. Where did he go from here? A cold drizzle starts, but he barely notices it seeping into his clothes. For the first time in his life, he wishes he hadn’t been right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Arthur leaves the cemetery about half an hour later. He fully intends to go home, confront Merlin, but instead ends up wandering aimlessly through the light rain. His shoes are soaked through to his socks from walking through puddles, and his jeans are sticking to his legs uncomfortably. The rest of him is mostly dry, other then his hair dripping into his face, thanks to his coat, but he knows that he’ll have to hang it up to dry out as soon as he gets inside where it’s warm and dry. He doesn’t want to go home yet, doesn’t want to have his worst fears confirmed, but he knows that he can only put it off for so much longer, if he stays out in this rain, he’ll most likely be able to add a cold to his current list of bad luck.</p><p>   Once again, his feet start leading him without him choosing his destination. In what feels like a blink of an eye, he’s staring at their flat’s closed door. He fumbles in his pocket, pulling his key out and unlocking the suddenly imposing wood. The moment it swings open, Merlin appears, looking frantic.</p><p>   “Where the hell have you been?” He demands. Arthur looks away, instead focusing on pulling off his wet jacket and hanging it up. After closing the door, he pulls his soggy shoes off, and enters their flat. He doesn’t so much as look at Merlin as he passes him on his way to grab a towel for his hair.</p><p>   “Arthur.” Merlin says, grabbing his elbow to stop him. Arthur looks down at the offending hand touching him. “You’re soaked. What were you doing?”</p><p>   Arthur lifts listless eyes to meet Merlin’s panicky ones. He doesn’t reply, merely shakes his hand off and continues on his way. Merlin gapes after him, Arthur can feel his eyes burning holes in his back, but he continues to ignore it, moving farther into the flat. Now that he’s here, facing Merlin, he suddenly doesn’t want any to hear what he has to say. Now that he’s here, he just want to get out. He feels like he’s suffocating, and he needs to leave. He can’t do this right now. Can’t have this conversation right now.</p><p>   Reaching the bathroom, he pulls his towel down and ruffles it over his hair, drying the annoying drips that were continuously running down his neck and face. He hangs it up, and turns to leave, only to find his path blocked by Merlin again. When Merlin clenches his jaw stubbornly, Arthur feels a flare of irritation stoking the embers of his anger, already burning in his chest.</p><p>   “Move, Merlin.” He says, voice low and warning.</p><p>   “No.” Merlin replies, just as stubbornly and low. Arthur clenches his jaw and simply shoves past him, allowing their shoulders to connect roughly. He hears Merlin grunt at the unexpected impact, but doesn’t look back, or even feel guilty. He deserves it and more, after what he’s done.</p><p>   He crosses the hall to the bedroom, pulling his slightly damp tee off and leaving it on the floor where it lands. His jeans are more stubborn, sticking to his legs and refusing to come off. After a fight, he tugs them free, tossing them in the direction of the laundry basket, and not caring that they fall short. He hears Merlin’s annoyed huff, but continues to ignore him. The wet socks join his other clothes on the floor, and then he’s riffling through drawers and pulling out clean, dry ones. It’s a bit of a struggle, getting his fresh clothes back on over his damp skin, but he perseveres. A sudden hand on his shoulder makes him spin around.</p><p>   “Arthur, what is going on? You’re scaring me.” Merlin says softly. Arthur has to fight back a sneer, knowing now that he’ll look too much like his father.</p><p>   “No.” Arthur says. “You don’t get to do what you’ve done, and then turn around and try to manipulate me like this.”</p><p>   Merlin steps back, dropping his hand. “What are you talking about?” He asks, but his shaking voice betrays him.</p><p>   “You know damn well what I’m talking about.” He says quietly, not entirely sure that he can speak louder past the lump once again clogging his throat.</p><p>   “I have a fairly good idea, yes.” Merlin admits. “But I want to hear it from you. What exactly is it that you think I’ve done?”</p><p>   Arthur turns to stare at him, and suddenly feels like he doesn’t even recognize the man he’s been living with, the man he’s engaged to. That thought hurts, more than he had imagined it would. All that power Merlin held over him, and it turns out that he had used it to destroy him after all.</p><p>   “Tell me, <em>Mer</em>lin,” he finally says, “have you, or have you not, been talking to my father behind my back? Texting him, calling him, meeting him in person? Passing along all sorts of details about your cozy little life with his son?”</p><p>   Merlin blinks. Swallows. Blinks again. “Yes, I have, but it’s not what you think.”</p><p>   Arthur tears his gaze away, unable to look at his lover’s face as he tells him more lies. How could he have been so stupid? What was that saying again? If something seemed too good to be true, it always was. Well, Merlin had certainly been too good to be true. He had made Arthur feel loved. Important. Like who he was, and what he wanted, actually mattered. He had played him like the fool, and Arthur had let him. He had looked into those ocean eyes, and fell so in love that he had been blind to anything else. He had trusted him with his heart, his soul, his everything.</p><p>   “I think,” Arthur says, “that you’ve been keeping something important from me. I think that you’ve been lying to me.”</p><p>   Merlin chances a step forward, but stops when Arthur steps back. “I know how it looks, but you need to trust me, Arthur.”</p><p>   “Trust you?” Arthur’s eyes snap up to meet Merlin’s again. “Why would I do that when I’ve caught you lying straight to my face? I’ve known that something was up with you for a while, but I never imagined...” He stops, looks away again. “How long?”</p><p>   Silence fills the air when Merlin doesn’t reply right away. It weighs heavy on Arthur’s shoulders, pushing on his chest, threatening to strangle him. Has it truly been so long that the man is this scared to tell him? He almost doesn’t want the answer, but he needs to know.</p><p>   “Merlin, how long have you been talking to my father?”</p><p>   Merlin’s mouth settles into a thin line. “A few weeks before Morgana came to stay, he walked into the café. I’ve been talking to him ever since.”</p><p>   “I don’t believe you.” Arthur replies immediately, acting on his knee-jerk reaction to the words.</p><p>   “Why not?” Merlin cries. “I’ve never lied to you, Arthur. I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me!”</p><p>   “And how do I know that?” Arthur yells, his temper finally spiralling out of control. “You’ve been lying to me for weeks, Merlin. How am I supposed to trust that it hasn’t been longer? How am I supposed to know that you haven’t been taking money from the man this whole time?”</p><p>   He watches in satisfaction as Merlin pales. He had been caught. There was no way to lie his way out of this one. Arthur had seen him take that money with his own two eyes. He had all the proof he needed. It didn’t matter that Merlin currently looked as sick as Arthur felt. It didn’t matter that Arthur desperately just wanted to be wrong. It didn’t matter that he still wanted to pull Merlin into his arms and tell him that everything was fine. Cause it wasn’t. It might never be again.</p><p>   “You followed me?” Is all Merlin says.</p><p>   “I saw a text from my father on your phone last night. I saw the panic in your eyes when I gave you your phone back, like you knew you had been caught. I waited, hoping you would come clean, would just talk to me, but you didn’t. You made up some story about helping a classmate. Always painting yourself as so noble, when you’re anything but. I watched you look me in the eyes and lie to me. So, yes. I followed you.” Arthur growls.</p><p>   Shame colours Merlin’s face. “Arthur, please just let me explain.” He says desperately.</p><p>   “Why should I?” Arthur demands. “Even if I did, why would I believe a word you say? I’ve caught you hung up in lies, going behind my back. I put my trust in you, and this is what you do with it? Sell it back to the one man who is determined to control me, break me? Was this your intention all along? Have you been his spy all along? Moving me where he tells you to? Whispering in my ear the words he says?”</p><p>   Merlin stumbles back in shock. “Is that how little you think of me?” He whispers, choked and terrified.</p><p>   “I just watched the man I love, who supposedly loves me back, accepting money from my father. I don’t know what to think anymore.” He replies coldly.</p><p>   “Please, Arthur.” Merlin says, reaching out to him again. Something in his eyes breaks when Arthur recoils away from him. “I’ll tell you everything. No more secrets. I promise, it’s not what it looks like.”</p><p>   Arthur’s eyes drift over the man, from top to bottom and back. “The money.” He says. “He wanted you to disappear, didn’t he? He gave you enough to leave me, and happily live somewhere else, with some other fool.”</p><p>   The dark haired man looks sick as he nods. “Arthur, just—“</p><p>   “Don’t, Merlin.” Arthur interrupts. “I saw you. I watched you pick that cheque up, and not put it down. You can’t deny something that you’ve been caught doing.”</p><p>   Merlin curls his fingers into his hair in frustration. “You’re not listening to me!” He yells. “I <em>know</em> what you saw. I’m not trying to deny what you saw. I’m just trying to tell you that there’s more to it! You don’t know everything, Arthur!”</p><p>   “I don’t care!” Arthur yells back, turning to pull a bag from the closet, tossing it on the bed. “I’m done! I don’t want to have this conversation. Not right now.” He moves to pull clothes from drawers, tossing them onto the bed next to the bag. Merlin laughs humourlessly.</p><p>   “Oh, this is so like you.” He cries. “All you ever do is run away from your problems, Arthur. When are you going to see that, that will never solve anything? You’re so pig-headed that you never think you’re wrong! You never listen to anyone else, and that’s why you always feel so goddamn alone! You push away everyone close to you, and you always will unless you fucking change!”</p><p>   Arthur stares at Merlin in shock, the sting of his words mixing unpleasantly with the constricting of his chest. He had been told all his life from his father that he was never good enough. He always had to do better. After a while he had become somewhat numb to the words. They were mostly all he knew, and he was used to them. Hearing the same sentiment from Merlin, broke him. If even Merlin thought he was no good, who would? Merlin stares back at him, chest heaving from his outburst. Slowly, as his words truly dawn on him, his face morphs from anger to something that could only be described as horrified.</p><p>   “Arthur, I didn’t mean that.” He says in a rush, reaching a hand out. Arthur flinches always.</p><p>   “Yes you did.” Arthur says emotionlessly. “If there is one thing I can always count on you for, it’s that you always speak your mind. You’re never afraid to say what you really mean.”</p><p>   “Arthur, don’t.” Merlin pleads as Arthur moves to the bed to stuff his clothes into his awaiting bag. “We’re both getting frustrated and angry. It’s not helping. Let’s just take a deep breath, calm down, and talk about this in a way that’s helpful, not hindering. We both need to listen to the other.”</p><p>   His body feeling robotic, Arthur turns to look at the man standing in the room with him. “I am calm, Merlin.” He says in a surprisingly steady voice. “I am now, but I can’t be here. I feel like I can’t breathe, and I just— I can’t be here.”</p><p>   “Arthur, please don’t. Just stay.” Merlin begs as Arthur hoists his bag onto his shoulder, readying himself to leave. Arthur meets his eyes, sees the pain and fear and regret swirling in them.</p><p>   “I—“ He starts, stumbling to a stop. “I feel like I don’t even know you right now. The Merlin I know would’ve never kept something so huge from me, no matter how much he feared it would hurt to know that my own father was trying to meddle with the one thing most important to me.”</p><p>   Merlin’s composure cracks, and tears slip down his face. “At least tell me where you’re going.” He chokes out hoarsely.</p><p>   “I don’t know.” Arthur replies. “But... please don’t follow me. I’ll come to you, to talk everything over, when I’m ready.”</p><p>   “I still love you, Arthur.” Merlin whispers.</p><p>   “Do you?” Arthur replies before pushing past him and leaving the room. Merlin doesn’t follow him to the door, and for that, Arthur is actually grateful. Coming back here had been a mistake. He needs time to calm down. Cool off. He pulls his soggy shoes and coat back on, slipping out the door without a single glance back. Pulling out his phone, he scrolls to the name he wants, and hits call. He had lied to Merlin. He knew exactly where he was going to go.</p><p>~~~</p><p>    Leon looked impassive as he opens the door following Arthur’s knock. He did nothing more than quirk an eyebrow before stepping aside and letting Arthur in. His eyes stray to Arthur’s bag as he passes, but he doesn’t say anything. Arthur had been intentionally vague on the phone, just saying that he needed a place to stay, with no context as to why. He hadn’t expected Leon to say no, but he was relieved when the man had said yes with no further questions.</p><p>   “Would you like some tea, or a coffee?” Leon asks as Arthur once again pulls his wet shoes off.</p><p>    “That would be lovely, Leon. Thank you.” He replies, shrugging his coat off and hanging it on the hooks by the door. Leon nods, turning and disappearing farther inside. Arthur takes a moment to settle himself before following. That broken look in Merlin’s eyes as Arthur had left still haunted him. He wasn’t exactly sure how he was currently feeling.</p><p>   Leon is already pouring boiling water into two mugs, tea bags hanging over the rim of each. Once again, his friend has proven to be observant. The last thing Arthur needed right now was coffee to amp up his energy. As he approaches, the aroma wafting up from each makes him pause.</p><p>   “How did you know I like peppermint tea?” He asks, suspicious. He thought that he had always done such a good job of hiding it.</p><p>   His friend opens his mouth immediately, ready to reply, when he pauses. Arthur lifts an eyebrow, and Leon winces just slightly. “From Merlin, a few months ago.”</p><p>   Arthur flinches subtly at the sound of the man’s name. Leon pretends not to notice, just hands Arthur a mug and gestures him to follow. The man came from money, just as Arthur had. Once he was done high school, and gotten into university, his parents had left him their house, and moved permanently into their summer home farther south. As the two of them walk into the spacious sitting room, Arthur is struck by just how much his life had changed. His home used to make this place look small.</p><p>   They sit down in silence, Leon choosing the plush armchair by the fireplace, while Arthur opts for the one by the window. He gazed blankly out at the dreary sky as he sips numbly on his tea. He tries to keep his thoughts off of Merlin, off what had just happened, but they’re stubbornly going back to it at every turn.</p><p>   “So,” Leon finally breaks the silence, “are you going to tell me what happened, or do I have to guess?”</p><p>   The sudden intrusion into his thoughts makes Arthur jump slightly. He looks over at his friend, wondering how much he could tell him. Out of all his friends, he had always trusted Leon the most. He was one of the only ones growing up who didn’t flock to him because of his money, or his name and status, or to spy on him for various adults. Leon had always been a rock in his life, and while he had never really had a heart to heart with the man before he became his Best Man, he had always trusted him with the tidbits of his life that he <em>had</em> shared.</p><p>   When Arthur doesn’t reply, Leon continues, “I assuming something happened with Merlin.”</p><p>   The blond turns his head away. “Yeah. <em>Something</em>.”</p><p>   “He’s been talking to your father without telling you about it, hasn’t he?” Leon asks calmly. Much too calmly.</p><p>   Arthur nearly chokes on his tea. He has to take a minute to cough into his elbow before looking up at Leon with slightly watery eyes, and spluttering, “You knew? You knew and you never told me?”</p><p>   “No, Arthur.” Leon says placatingly. “Call it an educated guess. I know how much you and Merlin care for each other. Only something extreme would cause you to leave, and I know Merlin would never be the type to have an affair. The moment we got introduced, I could see in his eyes that he would’ve waited forever for you, and you weren’t even completely settled with your sexuality yet.”</p><p>   Memories from that night that he had finally introduced Merlin to all his friends resurface, making his chest tight. They had, had their first kiss that night, outside against the wall of the pub. They had spent that night together, too. The whole experience had been innocent enough. They had fallen asleep tangled up together, and woken up much the same. It had been that moment that Arthur had fallen for the dark haired man. He had fallen and not cared, not looked back. He had felt safe in Merlin’s arms. He had trusted Merlin to take care of his heart. Oh, how long ago that all felt now. Things had seemed so much simpler back then.</p><p>   “I just don’t understand why. I mean, he <em>knows</em> what the man is like, how he’s treated me. And Morgana. Why ever talk to him in the first place?” He muses out loud.</p><p>   “I can’t answer that.” Leon says softly. “Only Merlin can.”</p><p>   Arthur snorts disdainfully. “How can I trust a word he says?”</p><p>   His friend takes a moment to mull over his answer. “I never got the feeling from Merlin that he was a liar. He never seemed to be the type who was secretly some type of scam artist. He genuinely cares for you, Arthur. I do not believe he would ever intentionally see you hurt.”</p><p>   “Oh, I’m sure he has a great reason for lying to me for weeks, and accepting bribes to leave and break my heart.” Arthur retorts mulishly.</p><p>   Heaving a sigh, Leon places his mug on the table next to his chair, and leans closer. “Did it ever occur to you that perhaps he was only trying to help?”</p><p>   “Help?” Arthur repeats incredulously. “How has any of this mess helped me at all?”</p><p>   “I am merely suggesting the possibility that he is just as much a victim in all this as you are.” Leon says slowly, hoping his calm demeanour and tone of voice help to settle the blond.</p><p>   “I fail to see that possibility.” Arthur snaps back.</p><p>   A weary sigh leaves Leon’s lips, and he fights the urge to rub at his face. “Just for the moment, forget about all that you saw. Put yourself in Merlin’s shoes. He knows how much losing your father has hurt you. He has been by your side throughout the entire journey. He’s worried about you, and he doesn’t like to see you in pain. Now, imagine that you think you’ve found a way to ease that pain. A way to reconnect you with your father.”</p><p>   Arthur wrinkles his nose. “My father made it very clear that he did not want me as long as I was with Merlin. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I stayed with Merlin, he would no longer view me as his son.”</p><p>   “I know.” Leon says. “But Merlin does not know your father as well as you do. Or as well as I do. I had to sit by and watch Uther manipulate you for years. I know how untrustworthy the man is. Merlin is different. He looks for the best in everyone. If Uther faked enough remorse for his actions, we both know that Merlin would give him the benefit of the doubt.”</p><p>   Arthur opens his mouth to argue, but finds that he doesn’t actually have an argument. Everything that Leon had said was the truth. His father was a master at lying, and getting what he wanted. Could he have played Merlin as well?</p><p>   “But what about the money? I clearly saw Merlin accepting money from the man, and he admitted that it was pay off money for him to leave me.” Arthur says.</p><p>   Leon shakes his head sadly. “I do not have any answers for that question, Arthur. The only thing I can say is, maybe there is more going on than meets the eye. Perhaps something Uther said made him take the money. Maybe he was threatened? Merlin is devoted to you. I can’t see him giving you up that easily.”</p><p>   “Everyone has a price, Leon. Even for that which they hoped never to lose.” Arthur responds weakly.</p><p>   “You won’t know for sure until you talk to Merlin himself. There could be a completely simple explanation for everything.” Leon replies. “As your friend, I am telling you that you sometimes jump to conclusions without having all the facts first. It is ultimately up to you, but I hope that you do not give up on Merlin just yet.”</p><p>   The blond looks away, back out the window. The rain has picked up, the wind causing fat droplets to lash against the windows. Arthur notes how perfectly the weather suits his current mood. A dreary day for a dreary heart. Movement in the room causes him to look back. Leon is getting to his feet, stoking the fire higher to keep the room comfortable.</p><p>   “I will leave you to your thoughts. If you need anything, you know where to find me.” Arthur nods at Leon’s words, mind already going to the much smaller, more cozy study that Leon generally used throughout the day to do schoolwork, or read, or watch the telly. “You are welcome to stay as long as you like. The extra room is already done up and ready for you.”</p><p>   When Leon leaves, Arthur feels the silence wrap around him eerily, trying to fill his lungs. The man had given him a lot to think about. If anyone was foolish enough to listen to, and trust, his father, it would be Merlin. His ability to see the good in people is one of the things he liked about the man so much. He was just so damn <em>pure</em>. What he ever saw in Arthur that attracted him to him, was anyone’s guess.</p><p>   It was true, he had gone in with a preconceived idea of what had been happening behind his back. He had drawn his own conclusions about what he had seen, and those conclusions had hurt so bad that he had shut out everything in an attempt to lessen that pain. What was it Merlin had called him? Pig-headed? Those biting words that Merlin had hurled at him earlier still hurt, but maybe they weren’t far off the mark. He always assumed the worst of people because the worst was usually what people had shown him. He had been so trusting when he was younger, and it had always gotten him burned.</p><p>   “I don’t know what to do.” He grumbles aloud to himself, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, and bury his face in his hands. Despite everything, he found himself longing for Merlin, his comforting arms wrapped snugly around him. It made his chest hurt more.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Arthur has probably the worst sleep of his life that night. He had been falling asleep next to Merlin for so long, that to be all alone left him tossing and turning almost all night. As angry as he still was, he missed Merlin. His steady presence beside him. At what point had Arthur starting being lulled to sleep by Merlin’s even, deep breaths? At what point did he start reaching for the warmth beside him, only settling down when he grazed soft skin? When he had finally felt himself drifting off to sleep, well after one or two in the morning, he found himself wondering if Merlin was struggling just as much as he was. When he wakes only a few short hours later, he feels more exhausted than he did before.</p><p>   Rolling onto his back, he stares up at the ceiling. He had put a lot of thought into what Leon had said the night before, and while Merlin’s lies still hurt, he knew that Leon did have a point. Yes, Merlin should’ve told him, but Arthur could be quite obtuse when his father was involved. He could see Merlin wanting time broach the subject with him, but not knowing how. That didn’t excuse what he chose to do instead, but could Arthur really say he would’ve done any differently in the same situation?</p><p>   With a sigh, he lifts his hands to press the heels of his palms into his eyes, pushing hard enough to see stars. He counts to ten in his head, then slowly pushes himself up so he’s sitting. He still has no idea what to do. He knew he needed to talk to Merlin, properly this time, but he dreaded it, too. Merlin had insisted that there was more going on that Arthur didn’t know, but what if that was another lie? He didn’t know if he would survive Merlin looking him in the eye and telling him that he was done with him.</p><p>   Berating himself for such thoughts, and roughly pushing them aside, he gets to his feet. He may have no idea what he was going to be doing that day, but he knew that he had to at least get up. The back of his mind tells him that he has class today, later in the afternoon, but he dreads the thought of actually going. He knows what Merlin would say. <em>His education was important.</em> Forcing himself to stop thinking about the man, he pulls a change of clothes from his bag and pulls them on.</p><p>   Stepping out the door, he hears voices downstairs. He doesn’t revel in the idea of seeing other people right now, but his rumbling stomach urges him to go downstairs. His desperate need for coffee also makes itself known. He pauses at the top of the stairs, debating his options. Eventually, his stomach grumbles again, and he resignedly starts down the stairs. He is keenly aware of how awful he must look, given his lack of sleep. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, and points his feet in the direction of the kitchen, he realizes that he recognizes the voices. One is Leon, obviously, but the other fills him with dread. <em>Morgana</em>. Great, just what he needs. A lecture from his half-sister.</p><p>   All he wants to do is just go disappear back upstairs, but he lifts his head with false confidence, and strides forward. He wouldn’t let Morgana scare him. As he enters the spacious kitchen, Leon and Morgana look in his direction. He meets Leon’s gaze first, figuring he was the safer option. To his surprise, he finds his friend’s expression unreadable. Finally, he looks toward the woman. Her gaze is steely, obviously angry, but something tells Arthur that it’s not directed toward him. Not yet, anyway.</p><p>   “Good morning, Arthur.” Leon finally breaks the silence. Arthur looks back toward him. “There’s coffee on, if you want any.”</p><p>   Arthur nods his gratitude, then proceeds through the room to grab a mug and fill it. He feels two sets of eyes trained on him, but ignores them as he makes his coffee. He takes a sip first, then another, before turning around.</p><p>   “You look like shit.” Morgana says, in lieu of a proper greeting.</p><p>   “Thanks.” Arthur replies drily. Morgana sniffs almost haughtily. Arthur steels himself for the incoming lecture.</p><p>   “I’ve just been by your place. I had to drop something off for Merlin, and I think he might actually look worse than you. But not by much.” She muses, a thoughtful eye looking him over. Arthur stiffens under her watchful gaze.</p><p>   “Is he?” Arthur asks listlessly. “That’s good to know.” He busies himself with an over large gulp of coffee, and winces as it burns his tongue. To his surprise, Morgana’s eyes almost seem to soften for a moment, before her face hardens again.</p><p>   “Merlin told me what happened.” She says.</p><p>   Arthur nods. “I’m sure he did. I seem to recall you telling me that if I ever hurt him, you’d never forgive me. Am I to receive my lecture now, or later?”</p><p>   Morgana takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I’m not here to yell at you, Arthur.” At Arthur’s surprises look, she adds, “Oh, don’t get me wrong, I will be yelling at you eventually, just not right now. I don’t think a lecture is what you need right now. I’m only here to talk to you, and to listen to you.”</p><p>   Arthur’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline in surprise. “Really? Please forgive me if I don’t really believe you.”</p><p>   “Of course you don’t. You wouldn’t be Arthur if you did. I expected nothing less.” Morgana replies evenly. “However, it is the truth. We have some things to discuss, and then you can make up your own mind. I’m not here to tell you what to do.”</p><p>   A long pause follows Morgana’s words as Arthur processes what she had said. Finally, he slowly nods his head in agreement. He would listen to what she had to say, he might even answer her questions. Morgana nods back. Leon studies the both of them, and when he’s convinced that they won’t tear each other apart, he pushes away from the counter he had been leaning against.</p><p>   “I will give you two some privacy. If it looks like things are going to come to blows, at least come get me first so I can referee.” He says. Arthur gives him a weak smile.</p><p>   “We’ll be fine, Leon. Thank you.” Morgana replies. With a grim nod, Leon leaves the room, leaving the two siblings in silence, staring at each other from across the room.</p><p>   “So...” Arthur says, dragging the word out as he shifts slightly from foot to foot.</p><p>   “First off,” Morgana says, “though I am loath to admit you were right, I will say that your gut feelings were correct. I will also say that, for now at least, I do not fault you for your reaction. You were manipulated and lied to your whole life by our father, so to turn around and have the man you love do the same thing would hurt.”</p><p>   “Thank you.” Arthur says, surprised at how honestly relieved he sounds to have someone see his side.</p><p>   “But,” Morgana continues, not acknowledging that he had spoken at all, “that does not mean that I think you shouldn’t talk to Merlin. He deserves to give his side of events, just as much as you deserve to feel hurt at the moment.”</p><p>   The blond nods. “I know.” He says, looking down at his coffee. He takes another sip, happy to find that it’s not quite so burning hot anymore.</p><p>   Morgana sets her own mug down and takes a few steps toward him. “When I said that Merlin told me what happened, I mean he told me everything. He told me everything he and Uther talked about, how Uther had acted, showed me every text message. I know the man, and from what I read and heard, even I was almost convinced. Uther knew that Merlin’s biggest weakness was you. Your well-being, your happiness. He played right into it, knowing exactly how to get Merlin to trust him. He practically dangled you in front of Merlin like a carrot. I’m not saying what Merlin did was right, he should’ve told you, I’m just saying that he isn’t the true villain here. Our father is.”</p><p>   “I know, Morgana.” Arthur says again. “I’m just not ready to talk to him yet. I still don’t know what to do.”</p><p>   Morgana steps closer. “I’m not asking you to talk to Merlin yet.” She says. “I have a much better idea first.”</p><p>   Arthur looks up at her excited tone of voice, and raises an eyebrow. That level of excitement from Morgana, especially when it concerned their father, was worrying. Nothing good would come from whatever she was about to say. Arthur was sure if it. Still, he gestures for her to continue.</p><p>   “You and Merlin will work things out, I’m sure of it. I also know that somewhere in that head of yours, you agree with me.” Morgana starts. Her eyes start to sparkle with mischief. “However, we both know that Uther will never quit. For lack of a better way of putting it, you were his favourite toy, and he resents having someone take you away from him, even if it was his own fault. He will never stop trying to tear you two apart unless you put an end to it.”</p><p>   “I’ve tried.” Arthur says. “I’ve already told him how Merlin makes me feel, that I’m happy, and want him in my life. Our father doesn’t care. He doesn’t listen to me. He never has.”</p><p>   “Then you make him listen.” Morgana replies, as if the idea were so simple. Arthur has to fight back a frustrated sigh.</p><p>   “How?” He asks, deadpan. “How do I make a man like our father listen to a word I have to say?”</p><p>   Morgana finally steps fully into his space. She reaches out and settles her hands gently on his shoulders. She looks directly into his eyes, and says, “Because this time, you’re not going to be alone. This time, you’ll have me there with you.”</p><p>   His sister’s words make him smile, despite everything. Morgana was certainly a force to be reckoned with, and if anyone could help him get Uther to back off permanently from his love life, it would be her. He was still convinced that at some point he would be getting that lecture about hurting Merlin, but for now, she was on his side. They were a united front. The thought of facing their father with her by his side was not nearly as daunting as facing him alone.</p><p>   “Do you really think Merlin and I will be okay?” He asks quietly. Morgana studies him intently, eyes flicking over his face.</p><p>   “Do you want to be?” She asks, instead of answering.</p><p>   Arthur darts his eyes away, chewing on his lower lip as he thinks about his answer. Recent events aside, he did care deeply for Merlin, and Merlin seemed to care just as deeply in return. He had been by his side through it all, a steadying and comforting presence that he had come to rely on more than he had realized. To have that ripped away from him, even if it was by his own hand, would be unbearably painful. He wouldn’t be surprised if he felt that particular loss for the rest of his life.</p><p>   Finally, he quietly admits, “I don’t want to lose him.”</p><p>   Morgana smiles encouragingly. “Then don’t. Once we’re finished with Uther, you can go and work things out. But, you need to be open enough to listen to him. Don’t let that temper of yours close your mind to what he has to say. You don’t need to forgive him right away, not entirely, but you do need to try and see things through his eyes.”</p><p>   “I think I can manage that.” He says, offering a weak smile up with his words. Morgana nods in return.</p><p>   “Good.” She says. “Now, Uther. We need a plan of attack.”</p><p>   The two siblings lapse into silence as they try to think of a solid plan that will force the man to back off for good. Seconds turn into minutes, and minutes turn into nearly fifteen. Neither one had any idea whatsoever. Every thought they have, they quickly shoot down as ineffective.</p><p>   “What if we blackmail him with our knowledge of my true parentage?” Morgana suggests. “Surely he hid that from the world for a reason.”</p><p>   “No, ‘Gana. We’re not blackmailing anyone. It makes us no better than him.” Arthur retorts. Morgana unwillingly agrees.</p><p>   A few minutes later, Leon enters, looking sheepish. “I may have overheard your plans to confront your father, and I may have an idea. However, it’ll have to be Arthur’s decision whether or not you go for it.” When the blond waves him on to continue, he says, “Why not get Merlin involved? Uther played you both, so why not turn it around and make it seem like he was the one being played the whole time?”</p><p>   Morgana cocks an eyebrow. “How?”</p><p>   “Meet with Uther, tell him you need to talk about Merlin, but have Merlin waiting out of view to pop in mid-conversation. Make it seem like Merlin was telling you everything the entire time, that you know exactly what Uther has done, and that his plan didn’t work. If Merlin still has the cheque, show it to prove that Uther never had control of Merlin. If he knows his best shot at getting you is through Merlin, you all need to show him that he’ll never be able to. He may not back off forever, but I doubt he’ll try to sabotage you through him again.”</p><p>   Both sets of eyes settle on Arthur as he thinks over Leon’s suggestion. It <em>could</em> work. If Uther knows that it had been Merlin who freed him, he would want Merlin gone. That would explain him trying to pay Merlin off. If he were to see that Merlin wouldn’t be bought, wouldn’t leave Arthur simply because Uther said so, his one supposed chance of snatching Arthur back wouldn’t be there anymore. He takes a deep breath, slowly letting it out.</p><p>   “I believe I have a few phone calls to make.” Is all he says, already pulling his phone out of his pocket as he turns to leave the room.</p><p>~~~</p><p>   Morgana offers to drive them to the café to meet Uther. It’s the same one that he met Merlin in, and somehow that knowledge makes Arthur seethe. The closer they get, however, the more that anger turns to nerves instead. Sure, he had stood up against his father before, but this felt different. This felt like holding the scissors and cutting Uther out of his life, instead of the other way around. Once this was done, he knew there was very little chance he would ever see or speak to his father again.</p><p>   Their father’s fancy car is immediately noticeable in the street as Morgana parks Arthur’s car. They had all figured it would be less conspicuous than Morgana’s. Arthur’s eyes are immediately drawn to Merlin, who is already there, sitting on the sidewalk, back against the building, out of sight from all the windows.</p><p>   As they exit the vehicle, Arthur hesitates, Morgana striding right over to the other man. Arthur hears him say, “I got here after him. He has no idea I’m here.”</p><p>   “Perfect.” Morgana says. She pulls a large hoodie out from her ridiculously sized bag. “Here, put this on. It’s Elena’s, but it’s miles too big. Cover your head as best you can, and come in after Uther is already focused on us. You’ll know when to approach.”</p><p>   Merlin nods dutifully, pulling the garment on. As Morgana stands back up, she turns to gesture to Arthur. He takes stilted steps forward, heart hammering in his chest because of what they were about to do, but also because Merlin was nearly within touching distance. He didn’t realize the magnitude of how much he had missed him until he was face to face with him again. When Merlin catches his gaze, he looks tentative, unsure. Arthur smiles just slightly, and he gets a wobbly one in return. They both recognized the distance they had to cross to reach each other again. For now, though, they had to play their parts.</p><p>   Squaring his shoulders, Arthur sets his jaw, and moves to pull the door open. Morgana steps in first, followed by Arthur. They bypass the counter altogether, instead walking directly to where their father was seated, exactly where he had been when Arthur had seen him before.</p><p>   “Arthur,” Uther says as they get closer, “I didn’t realize Morgana would be coming with you.” They can both hear the hint of disapproval in his tone at not being informed. Arthur smiles, glad that they had caught him off guard.</p><p>   “Yes, we were having breakfast together, figured we would make a family affair of it.” He replies, noticing how he flinches just slightly. More a twitch.</p><p>   “Of course. Well, the more the merrier.” He replies, smile taut. “Tell me, where is that <em>boyfriend</em> of yours?” He asks, his eyes gleaming as he looks directly into Arthur’s eyes.</p><p>   The two siblings each pull out a chair and sit. “Actually, that’s kind of what we needed to discuss. See, I know that you never approved of our relationship.” Arthur says, trying to keep his voice as carefully neutral as possible, hoping that Uther would pick up on his obvious control and assume that his plan had worked. As he watches his father fight back a victorious grin, he knows he was successful.</p><p>   “I disapproved merely because I never thought he was good enough for you. You deserve the best, Arthur, and that <em>boy</em> was simply beneath you. He had no business ever trying to catch your eye.” Uther replies pompously. Arthur grits his teeth discreetly. He and Merlin may not be on the best of terms at the moment, but that didn’t mean that such a comment didn’t irk him.</p><p>   “Yes, you’ve always had my best interests at heart, haven’t you, Father?” Arthur replies placidly.</p><p>   Uther nods, grinning openly now. “You are my son, Arthur. I’ve never wanted anything but what was best for you. I am very glad we can finally see eye to eye on the matter.”</p><p>   Arthur is keenly aware of Merlin’s presence in the room, his heart rate spiking at the knowledge that he was so close. “Merlin and I actually had a very interesting conversation.” Arthur muses. A muscle twitches in Uther’s jaw.</p><p>   “What about?” The man asks, trying to sound disinterested, and failing.</p><p>   “See, the two of us are very open with each other. We always talk about our days, the good and the bad. You can imagine my surprise when your name came up, considering that I never thought you liked Merlin all that much.”</p><p>   “Ah, yes, I have spoken with the boy.” Uther says, looking completely calm, but Arthur can see in his eyes that he’s trying to get the conversation back under his control. “He actually sought me out. Whatever he told you was a lie.”</p><p>   Arthur cocks his head. “Really? Well, why don’t you open my eyes as to what actually happened?”</p><p>   Uther gets a cold look in his eyes. “He came to me shortly after you got engaged, said he needed my help. He had accepted your proposal out of pity, said that without him, you would have nothing and nowhere to go. I merely graciously handed him a solution. That if he were to decide to leave, and not trap you both in a marriage neither of you wanted, I would happily let you come home.”</p><p>   Furious did not even begin to describe how Arthur felt. Every word out of this man’s mouth was a lie. The self-satisfied look on his face made everything clear. He could practically feel Morgana vibrating with anger beside him, and Arthur knew he was not far off himself. That is, until a very calming energy washes over his as a chair gets pulled up beside him, and someone joins their table. Uther’s eyes snap to the newcomer immediately, and his lip pulls back in a snarl.</p><p>   “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be gone.” The note of danger in Uther’s voice has Arthur’s protective instincts kicking in, and he shifts ever so slightly closer to Merlin beside him.</p><p>   “And yet, here I am.” Merlin says monotonously. As Uther’s eyes snap back and forth between Merlin and Arthur, Arthur suddenly has a realization. His father knew that he had been here outside the café. He knew that Arthur was watching them, and he knew what Arthur would see, and the conclusions he would jump to. It may not have been his plan originally, but it worked even better in his favour.</p><p>   Reaching into his pocket, Arthur pulls the cheque out that Merlin had given him before coming inside. “You saw me yesterday. You gave Merlin this, knowing I would see it. If the money didn’t work, if Merlin didn’t play along with whatever game you’re trying to play, you were counting on me to see him take the money, and feel so betrayed that I walked away on my own.”</p><p>   He slowly unfolds it, eyes landing on the number. This was how much he was worth to his father. He stares at it in silence, trying to wrap his head around everything. He had been playing his father’s game all along, and he had unfortunately pulled Merlin into it as well. With steady hands, in complete contrast to his jumbled mind, he tears the cheque in half, layering the pieces and tearing them in half again. He looks up to meet his father’s eyes as he drops the pieces on the table.</p><p>   “What are you doing?” Uther asks furiously. For the first time in his life, Arthur doesn’t even blink.</p><p>   “I don’t know what your scheme is, Father, and I don’t really care to know. However, I’m not going to play along anymore. I am not a commodity to be bought and sold, and I’m sorry that you view me as such. But this,” he gestures to the paper on the table, “has just sealed your fate. Whatever you wanted from me, you will never get. From this point forward, I no longer have a father. That man died shortly after my mother did when I was just a baby. You are a complete stranger to me, and I never want to see or hear from you again. Morgana and Merlin never want to see or hear from you again. You will spend the rest of your life as a sad, lonely, old man, and you only have yourself to blame.”</p><p>   His calm tone of voice is unsettling, even to his own ears. There’s a note of finality there, and he can see the exact moment when Uther realizes that his son means every word. No one tries to speak as he pushes his chair back and gets to his feet, and without a backward glance, he walks out of the stifling café. As he steps outside, he feels a weight lift from his shoulders, and he wonders if this is what finally being free from his father’s influence feels like. Somehow, he knows that Uther will not try to contact him again.</p><p>   The bell ringing behind him alerts him to someone’s presence before he hears the footsteps. The way his body yearns to be closer, closer than they currently are, closer then they may be for a while, lets him know that it’s Merlin without having to turn to look at him.</p><p>   “That man is a manipulative bastard, and I know that he used you to try to hurt me, and in the process you were hurt too. That doesn’t change the fact that you did end up hurting me anyway. We will talk, and I will listen, but not yet. I think we both need some time apart to think everything over, and decide what we really want.” Arthur says, just as tonelessly as he had just spoken inside.</p><p>   “I don’t need time to decide what I really want, Arthur. I’ve only ever wanted you from the second I got to call you mine. But, if time is what you need, then I’ll give you that.” Merlin replies, obvious pain in his voice.</p><p>   Arthur bobs his head in a nod, still not looking back. “Thank you.”</p><p>   He hears Merlin shuffle a bit behind him before he says, “I still love you, Arthur.”</p><p>   Arthur remembers those exact words from yesterday. They had been the last words Merlin had said to him before he left. His reply then had been, <em>“Do you?”</em> Now, he turns his head just enough to see him from the corner of his eye, and says, “I know.”</p><p>   He doesn’t wait for a reply, he just starts to walk away. He has no destination in mind, and it seems like this time, his feet don’t either. It’s a much nicer day than previous, and he felt content enough to just wander outdoors. The fresh air felt less suffocating than he imagined being stuck inside would be, and he had a lot to think over. He had been moved around like a pawn his whole life, and his talk with Uther had left him feeling almost disoriented. Yet, as his mind drifted to Merlin, he felt more solid. More real.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Five days crawl by before Arthur gets in contact with Merlin. He fills those five days with school and work, just going through the motions as he lets his wild emotions settle. In his free time between his adult responsibilities, he thinks. He thinks about what Leon had said, what Morgana told him, what Uther did. He thinks about Merlin, about the open affection he always had in his eyes whenever Arthur caught him staring, about the way the man always said <em>’I love you’</em> like the words were a reverent prayer. He thinks about the haunted look in Merlin’s eyes when they met outside the café that day they confronted Uther, how uncertain he had been. He decides that those are not the actions of a man whose sole purpose was to manipulate him.</p><p>   He drives to their flat later that evening, so he gets there after Merlin has returned from work. He parks in his usual spot, and it all feels so natural that he feels a pang in his chest. A pang of longing, of hurt, of regret, he’s not even sure, but it reverberates around his ribcage until he feels like he’s being consumed by it. He knows that Merlin is waiting for him, most likely standing near the door, listening for his approaching footsteps, but he stays in the car as he tries to regulate his breathing. He could do this. All he had to do was talk and listen.</p><p>   With a deep breath, he opens the car door and climbs out into the chilly air. He barely notices the temperature trying to nip at his bare face and hands. He looks up at the building, and is struck by how innocent it looks. There’s no hint of the nasty, hurtful words they had shared just a handful of days ago. It takes another deep breath before he can get himself to move toward the main building doors.</p><p>   Opting for the stairs, he climbs them steadily, rehearsing his lines in his head. He knows it’s a futile exercise, that the second he sees Merlin again, all his words will shrivel and die in his throat, but it keeps him otherwise occupied as his every step brings him closer to possibly the hardest conversation he may ever have. As much as he hopes that everything will be okay, he is well aware that things could still go horribly wrong. As he steps out onto their floor, sees their door ahead, he pushes those negative thoughts aside. They would be okay. They had to be.</p><p>   As expected, the door opens as he approaches. His breath catches in his throat as he eyes the ragged, exhausted looking man holding the door open. Merlin is paler than usual, with decidedly more scruff along his jaw than the last time Arthur saw him. He has dark, dark bags under his eyes, and his hair looks like he had tried to tame it prior to Arthur’s arrival, but it clearly had other plans. Morgana really wasn’t kidding around when she said they both look like shit.</p><p>   “Hey.” Merlin says as Arthur gets closer, and he sounds so sad, so defeated, that Arthur simply can’t help himself. He strides closer and pulls Merlin’s warm body against his own, his hands curling fistfuls of the back of the man’s hoodie. Arms wrap around his waist, holding him just as close. As Arthur turns his head, burying his face in Merlin’s neck, he suddenly realizes how close he was to losing this, and it terrifies him. He was far from forgiving him at the current moment, but he knows right then that he wasn’t willing to give up. Not on Merlin. Never on Merlin.</p><p>   “Let’s talk.” Arthur mumbles into Merlin’s skin. He feels Merlin nod against his shoulder.</p><p>   “Okay.” Merlin replies, but only squeezes his arms tighter around Arthur’s waist. Arthur takes a moment to bask in the comfort he feels, wrapped up in these arms. He had felt cold and hollow all week, like he was missing a vital part of himself that he couldn’t possibly live for long without. Here, feeling Merlin’s solid weight pressed against him, he feels almost whole again.</p><p>   “Okay.” Arthur repeats the single word back to Merlin, slowly pulling away. He lets his hands linger though, seemingly unwilling to lose contact fully. His heart almost clenches after Merlin steps back, letting Arthur have room to enter, but letting Arthur’s hands fall from his body in the process. Arthur swallows his irrational feeling of panic, and steps inside. His body seems to settle marginally as the door closes behind him, sealing him and Merlin into their own little bubble again.</p><p>   “I put water on, if you want anything.” Merlin offers as Arthur sheds his coat and shoes. He nods idly. “Okay. Go sit. It’ll only be a moment.</p><p>   Arthur watches as Merlin disappears. He’s tempted to follow, knowing that Merlin always used to call him a lazy sod for not making his own tea, but he goes to sit on the sofa as instructed. If Merlin offered, then clearly he had noticed they both needed a moment to calm themselves before they jumped into the heavy conversation looming over them.</p><p>   When Merlin enters the room, Arthur can tell right away that he’s brought him peppermint tea. As he accepts the warm mug, he asks, “How did you know I drink this? I thought I hid it pretty well.”</p><p>   Merlin shrugs. “I notice almost everything about you.” When Arthur raises his eyebrows, Merlin continues, “You like to hum under your breath when you do the dishes because it makes the job more enjoyable for you. You tap your fingers on the nearest available surface when you study because it helps you concentrate. When you feel yourself getting stressed or overwhelmed, you hold your breath for ten seconds because it helps ground you. You drink peppermint tea because you like the way it smells, but it also helps fend off your headaches.”</p><p>   The blond blinks. “You notice all that? I barely notice any of that anymore.”</p><p>   Merlin shrugs, settling deeper into his spot on the opposite side of the sofa. “You tend to pay attention to the things that mean the most to you.” He says softly, eyes looking almost broodily down into his own tea. Arthur swallows and looks away, eyes stinging slightly, despite his desire for them not to.</p><p>   “I don’t even know where to start.” Arthur says softly.</p><p>   “I do.” Merlin replies quietly, pulling Arthur’s attention over to him. “I’m sorry, Arthur. For hurting you, for keeping things from you. For everything. I didn’t want to hurt you, didn’t set out to cause you any pain, but I did anyway. It was never my intention.”</p><p>   “Why did you lie?” Arthur asks numbly. Merlin winces, lifting shaky hands to bring his mug to his lips.</p><p>   “I never wanted to. I had intended to tell you right away, but you’d already had such an awful day, that day, that I just couldn’t bring myself to make it worse. After that, I— I don’t know. I guess I was just scared. I didn’t know how you would react, and I didn’t want to risk losing you.”</p><p>   Arthur snorts derisively. “Yes, because this has worked out so much better in the long run.” He drawls.</p><p>   “I know.” Merlin’s says, pain lacing his tone. “I never meant it to go this way, to last this long. I made the wrong decision, and I wish I could take it back.”</p><p>   “Yeah, well, you can’t.” Arthur says shortly. “Wishes can’t change the past, and wishes don’t make anything better.”</p><p>   The pair lapse into silence following Arthur’s words. The blond glares moodily down into his tea, watching it grow slowly cold. He had yet to have even a single sip. He hears Merlin inhale deeply a few times, readying himself to speak, before he lets it out in defeat, whatever words that had been on his tongue left unsaid. Morgana’s words from before float back to the surface of his mind. <em>‘You need to be open enough to listen to him. You don’t need to forgive him right away, but you need to try and see things through his eyes.’</em></p><p>   Inhaling deeply, Arthur says, “Why don’t you start at the very beginning. Help me understand why you were talking to him in the first place.”</p><p>   When Merlin looks at him, it’s with hope in his eyes. “I didn’t trust him, not at first. I remembered everything he had done to you, everything you told me about him, and I was suspicious. But when he first started coming into the café, he just oozed sincerity. I don’t know how he managed it. When he told me that he wanted to reconcile with you, I so desperately wanted to believe him, for your sake. I know how hard this has all been on you.”</p><p>   “Merlin,” Arthur says dubiously, “if you knew everything I had ever told you about him, why ever give him the time of day?”</p><p>   A stricken look crosses Merlin’s face. “Because the man who was coming to talk to me didn’t match the description of the man you told me about. He seemed to have genuinely changed.”</p><p>   “Men like him don’t change, Merlin. After finding out about Morgana, why keep talking to him? Why keep lying to me? I had just found out that I’d been lied to my entire life, how could you not realize what doing the same would do to me? How could you be that stupid?” He asks, a little more harshly than he had intended, but it still hurt, and he still needed to know.</p><p>   Merlin visibly flinches. “I don’t know.” He replies desperately. “When I asked him about it, he said he hadn’t told you in order to protect you from your peers. That a scandalous affair like that would only hurt you, and that wasn’t fair. I know what growing up being bullied was like. I was too small, and my ears were too big. Then I was too lanky and gangly, and my cheekbones made me look like a girl. No matter what I did, I couldn’t win. That you were saved from that same fate... Again, I wanted to tell you, but you were so hurt over Morgana, I just couldn’t add to it.”</p><p>   “You should’ve told me, Merlin.” Arthur grits out, trying to banish the images in his head of Merlin getting picked on as a child. “It may have hurt, but I guarantee it hurts a hell of a lot more now.”</p><p>   “I know.” Merlin says again, much more defeated now. “And I never meant it to go this far. I only wanted to show him what a brilliant man you’ve flourished into, show him what he was missing, and maybe convince him to repair the damage he had created. He played me from the start, making me think he had changed, that he wanted to accept you for who you were. He never wanted to reconnect with you, he wanted to turn you into the perfect little robot you were before. He wanted me out of the picture, and he clearly knew exactly how to get what he wanted. I was naive enough to let him ruin everything through me so he could keep his hands clean.”</p><p>   Arthur’s heart skips several painful beats. Merlin sounded so resigned. It really wasn’t a good look on him, on either of them. Arthur reaches his hand across the sofa, letting it rest alone in the space between them. An olive branch. A life line. Merlin eyes it before letting a hand of his own settle beside it, just close enough that their pinkies touch.</p><p>   “The only thing Uther got, was the loss of his son.” Arthur says, refusing to even acknowledge the man as his father anymore. He had meant what he said. His father was dead to him. Had been for years. Thoughts of the man make another question rise to the surface. It curls in his chest, tasting sour on his tongue. As he looks over at Merlin next to him, so close, yet so far, he hesitates.</p><p>   “Merlin,” he says slowly, words sticking in his throat, “when my father gave you that cheque,” he feels more than sees Merlin stiffen next to him, “were you ever tempted to take it?”</p><p>   He senses Merlin’s eyes on him, but refuses to meet his gaze. “Not even for a second.” Is Merlin’s reply, and he sounds so forceful, so unshakeable, that Arthur tears his eyes away from where they had fallen to their barely touching hands when he voiced that terrifying question out loud.</p><p>   “But,” he says, hesitates again, “I saw you pick it up and not put it down.”</p><p>   “I picked it up out of, call it morbid curiosity. That man was so desperate to have you back where he could control you, and I guess some part of me wanted to know how much he thought you were worth.” Merlin says slowly, like he’s hesitant to let the words leave his mouth. Arthur flinches slightly at them, remembering looking at the figure scrawled across the cheque in his father’s familiar handwriting, and feeling sick. He had always felt that his father didn’t love him the way a normal father did. Maybe he viewed the death of his wife as Arthur’s fault. He didn’t know. But to see just what your own flesh and blood thinks you’re worth was... painful. To know how easily someone who’s supposed to love you can throw money around to claim you as their own. He felt dirty just thinking about it.</p><p>   Merlin seems to pick up on Arthur’s thoughts, cause he moves his hand to link their pinkies together. “Arthur, I don’t care what your father says, you are worth more than any amount of money in the world. You are worth more than absolutely anything, to me.”</p><p>   “Then why keep it?” Arthur asks.</p><p>   Merlin looks pained again. “I was worried that he was going to try to get to you before I could. I didn’t think that you would believe any kind of fabricated story he tried to give you, but I wanted the proof in my hand to give you that no amount of money could get me to leave. I figured if I kept it, he wouldn’t be able to try to convince you that I had accepted a bribe from him to disappear.”</p><p>   Pulling his hand away, Merlin almost seems to curl into himself. “He had told me that he was going to get you back either way, and that I should be glad that he didn’t leave me with nothing, out on the street. I guess I was just in shock. He’d done a complete flip from how he had always been previously, and... I was scared. I was scared he was going to take you away from me.”</p><p>   The man’s words wrap around Arthur, filling him up and making his chest hurt even more. He knew how cutthroat his father was. He knew the lengths to which he would go to get what he wanted. As hurt as Arthur was, Merlin had been hurt too, and in a way, Arthur almost felt responsible. If Merlin had never met him, he never would’ve gotten tangled up in Uther’s web, with the man poised to strike above him.</p><p>   “I’m sorry, Merlin.” He says. “I’m sorry that you got pulled into my mess, and I’m sorry that Uther hurt you, that he scared you. He took advantage of your kind nature, and that’s not fair. None of this is fair.”</p><p>   A hand settles fully over his, pulling his attention back up. “Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault. You can’t control the actions of the man who’s supposed to be your father. You can’t control his hatred, or behaviour. Please don’t apologize for him.”</p><p>   Arthur nods, looking away again. The feeling of betrayal still stung, but it ached less than it had before. Now that he had more facts, he was less angry. They would definitely have to work on their communication skills in the future, though, to avoid similar messes from occurring. Although, with Uther out of the picture, maybe less messes would happen.</p><p>   “I’m also sorry that you felt that you couldn’t talk to me sooner. I know I can be difficult about the subject, but you never should’ve been put in a position where you were worried about how I would react.” Arthur looks back up at the man beside him. “You can always talk to me, Merlin, about anything, at anytime.”</p><p>   Merlin smiles slightly, full of hope and tense light. “Does this mean you forgive me?” He asks.</p><p>   “No.” Arthur says, making Merlin deflate visibly. “Not yet. I now know why you lied, but that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts. That’ll need time to heal, but you’re important to me, too. I will forgive you with time, if you’ll allow me the time I need.”</p><p>   He’s offering Merlin an out, if he wants one, and his heart is suddenly pounding in his chest. What if Merlin didn’t want to wait for him? What if he agreed, but got tired of waiting later? Arthur had been lied to for so long, by so many people, that he didn’t know how long it would take him to fully move on from this whole mess. What if Merlin decided that he wasn’t worth it?</p><p>   “Arthur.” Merlin’s soft, reverent voice pulls him from his quickly spiralling thoughts. “I would wait a lifetime for you, and then an eternity more, if I had to. You are the only one I ever want to call mine, the only one I want to spend my life with. I will give you all the time in the world. If it’s space you need, then I can do that too. Come home, I can go stay somewhere else.”</p><p>   Everything around them seems to shift back into place around Arthur as he listens to Merlin’s words, feels his voice fill him up with warmth. They still had a ways to go, but he felt confident they would get there. There wasn’t anywhere else in the world he would rather be.</p><p>   “Merlin, stop.” Arthur interrupts his ramblings. “I would like to come home, but I think I’ll like it better if you were here, too. Everything just feels better when you’re around.”</p><p>   Merlin stares at him, almost in shock. Like he wasn’t expecting Arthur to want to be anywhere near him just yet. Arthur is a little surprised, himself. He had left his bag at Leon’s, fully expecting to come have this talk with Merlin, and then need to retreat into himself to fully heal. Now, though, staring into those familiar ocean eyes, he can’t really imagine healing anywhere other than their deep, blue depths.</p><p>   Very slowly, as if worried that if he moves too fast, Arthur will turn and run, Merlin leans in. Arthur stays still, letting Merlin gently kiss him as his eyes slip shut. The feel of Merlin’s lips on his feels so much like <em>home</em>, that he feels a jolt again at how close he came to losing this. He almost never got to kiss these lips again. He almost never got to feel these hands cradle his jaw so tenderly. He doesn’t realize that he’s started crying until Merlin pulls away and brushes his thumbs over his wet cheeks.</p><p>   “I still love you, Arthur.” He murmurs, wetness shining glassy in his own eyes.</p><p>   Arthur swallows. “I know.”</p><p>   Merlin gives him a sad smile, and Arthur feels guilty. He does still love Merlin, with his whole heart but the words are still sticking in his throat, refusing to come out. He opens his mouth, ready to apologize again, to explain, but Merlin shushes him.</p><p>   “Don’t, Arthur. It’s okay, I get it.” He says, brushing his lips over his cheek. Arthur closes his eyes and focuses on the feel of Merlin’s lips sliding over the rough stubble on his jaw, the sound of his fingers brushing over his cheeks. He feels wetness smearing across his skin, and again realizes that his tears have resumed. Or maybe they just never stopped.</p><p>   “Please.” Arthur says, Merlin pulling backs but to look at him with confused eyes.</p><p>   “Arthur, I will give you anything, all you have to do is ask.” Merlin murmurs back, eyes so intense and sincere that Arthur feels the emotion deep in his very soul.</p><p>   “Please tell me we’re going to make it.” He says.</p><p>   Merlin studies him, his eyes flicking back and forth between Arthur’s own. “We’re going to make it, because you’re a stubborn prat, and I’m never going to give up on you.”</p><p>   The familiar jab makes Arthur huff a watery laugh. “I’m never giving up on you either.”</p><p>   Merlin grins, blinding and dazzling, and everything feels mostly okay again. He slowly leans in, just like before, only this time, Arthur meets him halfway. As their lips slot together again, Arthur feels transported back in time, when they were outside that pub with their friends waiting for them inside. Everything had felt so simple back then. There was no pressure on them to do anything other than be themselves, and figure out exactly who they were together. In that moment, Arthur realizes there is one more thing they need to talk about.</p><p>   Pulling away feels like he’s losing something, but he resists the urge to dive back in. “Merlin, there’s one more thing we need to discuss.”</p><p>   Merlin looks confused for a brief moment before his eyes gravitate to the ring on his finger, and he stills. Leaning back, he pulls his arms to himself, settling his hands in his lap as idle fingers move to play with the ring on his finger. Arthur looks at his own as he thinks over exactly how to voice his thoughts.</p><p>   “You’re rethinking the wedding.” Merlin says, not even voicing it as a question. Arthur nods in answer anyway. “I know it was too soon, I was pushing it too fast. I was only thinking about myself, and not you. I could tell you were nervous, and worried, but I never talked to you about it.”</p><p>   He reaches down and starts pulling on the ring with a purpose, nearly making Arthur’s heart stop. “What are you doing?”</p><p>   Merlin looks up with confusion. “I assumed you were calling the wedding off. That you’d want this back.”</p><p>   Reaching out, he settles both of his hands over Merlin’s. “You’re an idiot, <em>Mer</em>lin. I don’t want the ring back. I was the one who gave it to you, remember?”</p><p>   A look of confusion crosses Merlin’s face. “Then what do you mean?”</p><p>   “We wait.” Arthur says. “We need to learn how to be just us again. Just you and me, with no pressure, how we were in the beginning. Somewhere along the way, amid all the stress and drama, we lost the innocence of who we were. We need to take a step back, and find it again. Heal and grow, so next time around, there are no nerves, or worries, or stress. Just the knowledge that we’re only making each other better.”</p><p>   He holds his breath as Merlin muses over his words. It seemed like the best option. They keep their rings, they keep their promises, they simply wait to be whole again before swapping vows and sealing it all with a kiss. He had proposed on a whim, not following his plan at all, and he didn’t regret it. However, he knew that the next step took more planning. With the current state of things, waiting was the best option. But, would Merlin agree?</p><p>   “We wait.” Merlin says, nodding his head as his fingers stop pulling at his ring. Arthur looks at it, and sighs with relief.</p><p>   “I want you to know,” Arthur says, “that while I was nervous about our wedding, it was never you that I was nervous or worried about. I never second-guessed you, I only second-guessed the timing. If all this hadn’t happened, and we wed in December, I would not have regretted it. Okay?”</p><p>   Merlin seems to relax as he nods again, and Arthur feels a stab of guilt that he ever let Merlin think that he was having doubts about marrying him specifically. Somehow, everything had gotten so twisted up and turned around, that neither of them even knew top from bottom anymore.</p><p>   “And next time,” Arthur murmurs as Merlin leans in for another kiss, making him pause, “we’re getting a wedding planner. The last thing we need is to be at each other’s throats over flower arrangements and colour themes.”</p><p>   Merlin laughs, and the sound settles the last of Arthur’s nerves. He finally feels whole again, the last piece of himself slotting back into place. As he leans in to press kisses to Merlin’s laughing mouth, he can already feel the hurt easing. His heart is slowly repairing itself, and he knows that they’ll be okay. Eventually. There’s a long road ahead, with no doubt many awkward interactions, and tense conversations, but he believed in them.</p><p>   After a while, they find themselves simply sitting on the sofa together, Arthur’s back pressed into Merlin’s chest, safe and loving arms holding him close. Merlin’s nose is buried in his hair, soft and even breaths ruffling his neck, tickling him slightly. His own fingers are trailing up and down Merlin’s hoodie covered arms, revelling in their closeness.</p><p>   “Tell me we’re going to make it.” Arthur says again, voice nearly inaudible in the room. He knows Merlin hears, though, as his arms tighten around him.</p><p>   Merlin’s lips brush over the skin on the back of his neck and he repeats his words from earlier. “We’re going to make it, because you’re a stubborn prat, and I’m never giving up on you.”</p><p>   Arthur hums softly. “I’m never going up on you either.” He replies, just as quietly again. Merlin presses a kiss to the nape of his neck, and Arthur snuggles closer into him. This was where he belonged. Where they both belonged. Forever.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It is up to you when exactly this chapter takes place. It can be as soon or as long after their talk as you’d like it to be 🙏</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Waking up cocooned in warmth was one of Arthur's favourite ways to wake up. The only way to make it better would be to feel Merlin's lean arms curled around him. Reaching behind him, Arthur feels the last vestiges of warmth from Merlin's body and knows that Merlin hasn't been gone long. Still half asleep, he extends an arm toward the small bedside table, groping for his phone. When his hand lands on it, he lifts the device to peer at the screen through the darkness. The light as the screen comes on nearly blinds him, and he groans when he reads the time. <em>4:58.</em> Why the hell was Merlin awake and out of bed before dawn?</p><p>   For a second, he thinks about staying where he is, but now that he's awake, and aware that Merlin is as well, somewhere else in the flat, he can't fall back asleep. Reluctantly, he throws the covers off and sluggishly gets to his feet. The air is cool on his warm skin, and he pauses to shrug a hoodie on over his bare chest, leaving only his lower half bare, clad only in dark briefs.</p><p>   He makes a quick stop to pee before venturing down the hall toward the light, weak enough to probably be from a single lamp. He finds Merlin at the window, next to the dark television screen, staring up at what can be seen of the stars past all the shining city lights. He's dressed much the same as Arthur, only it's a soft, well worn tee covering his shoulders to well past his waist. It's an old tee of Arthur's, and the fabric is loose on Merlin's leaner frame.</p><p>   "Merlin?" He says softly as he approaches, not wanting to startle the man. Merlin makes no move to show that he's heard, but he doesn't startle as Arthur draws nearer. As Arthur settles his arms around his waist from behind, hooking his chin over his shoulder, Merlin leans back into him. His hands come up to cover Arthur's, but he doesn't say anything in reply, just continues to stare out the window.</p><p>   Arthur allows him to stay silent for as long as he needs. He still feels tense in his arms, body strung tight like a coiled spring. As Arthur breathes slowly and evenly next to his ear, he slowly feels Merlin relax. His breaths start to match Arthur's own, and he wonders if it was a conscious choice, or something that just happened. Were they so in sync that they even breathed as one when they were near?</p><p>   Finally, when Merlin takes a deep breath, the last of his tension seeming to leave his body, Arthur knows that he's ready to talk. He turns his head slightly, pulling back enough to be able to brush his lips over Merlin's neck, feeling the man shiver a bit under his touch.</p><p>   "Merlin, what happened? Why are you up so early?" He asks, lips still brushing over Merlin's skin.</p><p>   "Nothing." Merlin replies, barely heard despite their close proximity. Arthur grunts in disapproval.</p><p>   "Merlin," he says, squeezing his arms tighter, "we talked about this. Communication, remember?"</p><p>   There's another silent pause before Merlin exhales heavily. "I just had a nightmare, that's all."</p><p>   Arthur frowns. "What about?" Merlin's shrug nearly dislodges Arthur's chin from its perch. "Merlin, what about?" When he only gets a shrug again, realization dawns on him. "It was about me, wasn't it?"</p><p>   Merlin stilling in his arms, barely daring to even breath, is enough of an answer for him, and he pulls Merlin impossibly closer. He burrows further into Merlin's neck as the man tightens his grip over his hands. They stay like that for what feels like hours, like time itself has stopped to allow them this moment.</p><p>   "Tell me what happened." Arthur urges.</p><p>   He almost thinks that Merlin isn't going to answer, when, in a very small voice, the man says, "I woke up, and you were gone. Uther had won, and you had left. I— I panicked, and when I actually woke up, I saw you still there, sleeping beside me, but there was no way I was getting back to sleep. I didn't want my tossing and turning to wake you, so I just got out of bed."</p><p>   The frown returns to Arthur's brow. "Why didn't you wake me?"</p><p>   "There's nothing you can do about what my subconscious does after I've gone to sleep. Besides, you hate being woken up before dawn." He says, trying for lighthearted, but falling flat due to his exhaustion. Arthur hears the resignation in his tone, like he was used to this, and thinks back over the recent weeks. The tired smiles in the morning. The yawns that practically cracked his jaw by eight o'clock at night.</p><p>   "This isn't the first time this has happened, is it?" He asks softly. He feels Merlin sigh, more than hears it.</p><p>   "No." Merlin replies softly.</p><p>   "Why have you never told me?" Arthur asks, feeling mildly irritated that Merlin never brought this to his attention.</p><p>   Merlin sighs again. "Because there's nothing you can do about it." He says again. It's Arthur's turn to shrug now.</p><p>   "That doesn't matter." He says. "If there's something bothering you, I want to know about it. Next time, wake me up."</p><p>   Merlin huffs a laugh. "Why, so we can both be exhausted all day? What benefit does that have?"</p><p>   "You wouldn't have to be alone." Arthur replies easily. He presses another kiss to Merlin's neck, letting his lips linger for a moment as Merlin hums softly in reply.</p><p>   Several long minutes pass between them in silence before Arthur feels Merlin shift in his arms. He loosens his hold, reluctant to let go altogether, and Merlin uses the space afforded to him to turn around. He loops his arms around Arthur's neck, and just lets his eyes travel over Arthur's face. Arthur stays silent, letting Merlin do whatever he needs to in order to convince himself that Arthur is still here, and not planning on going anywhere. Finally, his eyes settle on Arthur's, blue getting lost in blue.</p><p>   "I love you." Merlin says quietly.</p><p>   Arthur looks Merlin over in turn, and something tugs on his heart. He smiles softly as he replies, "I love you, too."</p><p>   Merlin blinks, as if not expecting the answer. Not that Arthur can blame him. It's the first time he's said it back since before everything happened. His cheeks warm as Merlin breaks into a blindingly brilliant smile. His hands around Arthur's neck move to cup his jaw instead, thumbs swiping over his cheeks tenderly. Arthur closes his eyes, leaning slightly into one hand. He sighs contentedly, finally feeling like everything is back to normal.</p><p>   When he opens his eyes again, Merlin's own are glistening with unshed tears. "Hey, what's wrong?"</p><p>   A watery laugh bubbles up through Merlin's throat. A single tears slips free, leaving a wet trail as it runs down Merlin's cheek, and Arthur watches it go, mildly concerned. He flicks his eyes back up to Merlin's, eyes curious and questioning. Merlin is smiling, eyes still shining, as he shakes his head.</p><p>   "Nothing is wrong, Arthur." Merlin says, his voice thick around the lump clearly in his throat. "I'm just really happy, that's all. We made it, just like I promised you we would."</p><p>   Arthur's heart flutters, and he feels a smile tugging at his own lips. His arms tighten around Merlin’s waist again, and he pulls him closer. He means to pull Merlin into a hug, but the man clearly has other ideas as he tilts Arthur's jaw <em>just so</em>, and kisses him. There is so much emotion in such an innocent kiss, that it takes Arthur's breath away. It makes his head spin. He exhales shakily, and lets himself sink into the embrace.</p><p>   From one second to the next, their kiss turns decidedly less innocent. Merlin trails his hands from Arthur's jaw up into his hair, curling his fingers in the golden strands and pulling Arthur closer. Arthur goes willingly, quite happy to go wherever Merlin cared to lead him. Merlin pulls back just enough to tilt his head a little more, and then seals their lips together again. Arthur's fingers flex against Merlin's lower back, restlessly gripping the fabric of his tee, as if debating on whether or not to push it up and out of the way.</p><p>   A hot tongue licks at Arthur's mouth, and he moans softly as his lips part, allowing Merlin to dive into his mouth. Merlin's grip on his hair tightens as their kiss deepens, and Arthur hears himself moan again. He had missed this. They had shared closeness and kisses since their talk, but they had lacked the same passion they both felt now. They had been tip-toeing around each other, both unsure of where the lines were now, and both equally reluctant to get anywhere near those lines. Now, it seems like the lines have become entwined together, and blurred beyond recognition.</p><p>   They both separate at the same time, the need for breath becoming too much for either of them to keep denying. They don't go far, however. Merlin leans his forehead against Arthur's, panting into the limited space between them. Each breath fanning out against Arthur's lips has his own shaky breaths hitching. Merlin was just as intoxicating as he always had been, and something seems to settle in Arthur's chest at that knowledge. None of the passion, or desire, for each other had faded with Uther's callousness.</p><p>   "Let's go back to bed." Arthur says, shattering the stillness around them. Merlin pulls back a bit, giving him a funny look.</p><p>   "You want to go back to bed?" Merlin says incredulously. "I mean, sure, I'm tired too, but.. why are you laughing?"</p><p>   Arthur presses a chaste kiss against Merlin's lips, still chuckling. "If sleeping is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say we should go to bed, especially after sharing a kiss like that, then clearly I am the absolute worst fiancé in history."</p><p>   For a second, Merlin looks surprised, but then his eyes darken, and his tongue peeks out to wet his lips. Arthur tracks it's movement, feeling heat pool low in his gut. They had been dancing around each other for the last week or so, always getting in close, but pulling away at the last possible moment. Arthur doesn't want to pull away this time. He wants to be selfish. He wants to take what he wants. Merlin doesn't look like he has any particular objections to the idea either.</p><p>   "So," Arthur says, leaning in closer, "what do you say I take you back to bed, and we scare those nightmares away together?"</p><p>   Not even a full second passes before Merlin is groaning, and capturing Arthur's lips with his own. Arthur stumbles back a step at how forcefully Merlin practically launches himself at him. Deft fingers leave his hair, running down past his shoulders, over his chest, to the hem of his hoodie. Merlin slides his fingertips underneath as he takes Arthur's bottom lip gently between his teeth, and tugs on it. He lets go, and brings his lips close to Arthur's ear.</p><p>   "Who says we have to make it back to bed first?" He asks, voice low and husky, and it sends a thrilling shiver down Arthur's spine.</p><p>   Arthur's voice is shaking slightly as he replies, "Do you have any idea the tongue lashing we will get from Morgana if she finds out we've fucked on the sofa? She may not live here anymore, but she visits often enough."</p><p>   Merlin chuckles, and the deep sound of it, the feel of it vibrating against Arthur's chest, nearly has all coherent thought leaving his head. "Well, it's a damn good thing she'll never find out, then."</p><p>   He had been sold the minute Merlin had first opened his mouth, so he simply kisses Merlin in reply, allowing him to walk him backwards until his legs hit the sofa and he ungracefully sits down. His hold on Merlin's waist pulls him down too, and he straddles Arthur's lap with much more dexterity than Arthur had just displayed. Their tongues clash again in Arthur's mouth, battling for dominance. To Arthur's surprise, Merlin gives in. For now, at least. As yielding as he could be in other situations, Merlin rarely gave up dominance so easily when they were intimate.</p><p>   Arthur's surprise at Merlin's sudden deference distracts him from the man's nimble fingers returning to the hem of his hoodie, and slipping underneath. The sudden feel of familiar fingertips gliding over his ribcage makes Arthur gasp, and Merlin takes the opportunity to wrestle control back. The delicious feeling of loving hands mapping out his chest and stomach has Arthur's heart reeling beneath his sternum, and not really caring that his partner once again has the upper hand.</p><p>   A <em>(embarrassing... slightly)</em> whine rips itself from Arthur's parted lips as Merlin pulls away. The man grins down at him, even as his hands grip the hem of his hoodie and pulls it up his body. Arthur, lost in a hazy fog of nothing but <em>Merlin</em>, gets slightly tangled as it's pulled over his head and arms, and is decidedly disheveled and ruffled when he reappears. He blinks owlishly up at Merlin as the man chuckles fondly.</p><p>   A seriousness enters Merlin's eyes as his hands return to Arthur's face again. Soft touches map out his features. Fingertips lightly brush over his brow, down his cheekbones, follow the bridge of his nose, outline the curve of his lips. His eyes flutter closed, and the feather light touches caress his closed eyelids. Every brush of skin on skin suffuses him with a feeling of such strong, unending love that he feels light headed.</p><p>   "I love you, Arthur Pendragon. Everything that you are, and everything that you will become." He seals the words briefly with a kiss. "Every part of me belongs to you. My lips are yours to kiss. My hands are yours to hold. My arms are yours, to hold you close and keep you warm. My heart beats for you." He kisses Arthur again, pulling away much too soon. "You never have to go through life alone, cause I will always be right beside you."</p><p>   With eyes feeling suspiciously hot and blurry, Arthur looks up at Merlin, still hovering over him. His eyes are intense, holding an emotion so deep that Arthur can barely comprehend it. His tongue feels glued to the roof of his mouth. If these were the kind of words that Merlin came up with in the heat of the moment, how badly were his vows going to take him apart?</p><p>   "You're a sappy, romantic bastard, you know that?" He asks, earning himself a choked sounding chuckle. "Just an <em>'I love you'</em> would've worked, you insufferable over achiever."</p><p>   "Fine." Merlin says, sounding amused and disgustingly fond. "I love you, you great prat."</p><p>   Arthur barks out a laugh, pulling Merlin in for another kiss. As they pull apart, he says, "That's much better." He sobers quickly enough, making sure to catch Merlin's eye, and hold it, as he says, "I'm never going to come close to what you just said, not right this second, but I want you to know that I feel the same way. I am yours, to do with as you will, for as long as you want me."</p><p>   Merlin smiles down at him, leans closer to nuzzle their noses together. "It's a damn good thing I want you forever, then."</p><p>   "I love you, Merlin." Arthur says earnestly, still never breaking their eye contact. "With my whole heart."</p><p>   Insistent lips are on his again before another word can be spoken between them. The scrape of Merlin's tee against his bare chest makes Arthur's entire being ache with longing, and he lets his hands wander up Merlin's back, pushing the fabric up as he goes. Merlin pulls way for just long enough to finish the job, pulling his shirt off and tossing it over the back of the sofa to join Arthur's hoodie. As he leans back in, bare skin meets bare skin, and a fire ignites inside Arthur. He breathes Merlin in, inhaling deeply through his nose as they kiss with a fervour. Merlin's restless hands almost feel hungry as they glide smoothly over his body.</p><p>   "Merlin." He mumbles against the man's lips. He gets a hum in reply. "Hurry up and fuck me." He growls, just wanting Merlin to <em>do</em> something.</p><p>   Pulling back, Merlin grins. "Actually, I had a much better idea. Wait here, I'll be right back." He promptly slips off Arthur's lap and walks away. Arthur watches him go, feeling a little startled, and suddenly very cold. When Merlin returns, he's holding a half-full bottle of lube, and is absolutely stark naked. Arthur groans as he approaches, shifting his hips up to pull his own briefs down his thighs and off his legs, as Merlin sashays closer.</p><p>   "About that idea?" Arthur asks breathlessly, hands settling on Merlin's hips as Merlin climbs back onto his lap, and pops the top of the bottle.</p><p>   "I," Merlin says, dribbling lube over his own fingers, "would much rather ride you."</p><p>   Before Arthur can even think of a reply, Merlin is reaching behind himself, pushing two fingers into himself with no hesitation. His lips part sinfully around a small, hitched moan, and Arthur stares, transfixed, at his face. Merlin's face contorts slightly as he scissors his fingers apart, and Arthur's hands tighten on his waist. When Merlin's next moan forms Arthur's name, the blond leans forward and kisses him, greedily taking every sigh and groan away from him.</p><p>   When Merlin pushes Arthur's shoulders back, he goes willingly, slightly dazed eyes looking up to meet Merlin's dark and hooded ones. A muscle in his jaw twitches as he pulls his fingers free, and Arthur's next breath comes out stuttered as Merlin reaches for the lube again. Pouring more into his palm. he reaches down and smears it over Arthur's length, pulling a moan from Arthur's kiss swollen lips as he wraps his fingers around his cock and gives it a few languid tugs to coat it properly.</p><p>   Using his clean hand, Merlin brushes Arthur's hair off his forehead, leaning closer to whisper against his lips, “You are everything I have ever wanted, Arthur. You, and you alone, are my future."</p><p>   He punctuates his declaration with a tender kiss, at the same time that he lifts himself up onto his knees and sinks slowly down onto Arthur's cock. Arthur groans, fingers digging into Merlin's hips as he's slowly surrounded by Merlin's tight heat. Merlin steadily pushes himself lower, until he's once again seated in Arthur's lap, now panting against Arthur's spit slick lips.</p><p>   "Fuck, you're perfect, Merlin." He groans as Merlin shifts his hips slightly. Merlin huffs a laugh, knocking their noses together gently.</p><p>   "Always so eloquent." Merlin replies, hands coming up to rest on Arthur's shoulders. He tightens his knees around Arthur's thighs, then lifts himself up, sliding back down slowly. Arthur drops his head back, letting Merlin move on his own for a few moments. Lips and teeth connect with his neck, marking his skin, and his hips thrust up to meet Merlin, punching a groan from both of them.</p><p>   Strong hands holding his waist, Arthur helps Merlin lift himself up, already feeling his muscles quivering against him. He thrusts up as Merlin pushes back against him, and he whines. Merlin leans forward, bracing against his shoulders to kiss him again, licking into his mouth and taking whatever he wants. Arthur hands it over gladly and willingly.</p><p>   Merin pulls away again, leveraging himself up enough that he can reach a hand back to steady Arthur's cock as he sinks back down, searching for a new angle. He must find it, because as he lifts and pushes down again, his whole body shudders, and he moans like a porn star. Arthur feels himself grin, knowing they've finally got everything right, and pounds up into him.</p><p>   Nails scratch down his sweaty, heaving chest as their rhythm builds. The otherwise quiet air around them is filled with their matching moans, the sound of slick skin meeting over and over. Merlin runs his hands into Arthur's hair, tugging on the strands to pull Arthur's head back. Neck exposed, Merlin once again settles in to kiss and lick at his sweaty skin. He moans again, more high pitched than before, and Arthur laments the fact that he's close.</p><p>   "Arthur." Merlin groans against his flushed skin, and heat swirls in Arthur's gut. He feels his muscles tense, and he knows that he won't be far behind.</p><p>   "Merlin." He whispers the name like a prayer, trying to pack as much emotion into the one word as he possibly can, wanting to convey all the things he struggles to on a normal basis. He had never been good with emotions, and even worse at talking about them. He was more a man of action, finding it easier to express his feelings through touches, and looks, and gestures. He was lucky that Merlin had adapted quickly to his unique way of expressing himself very quickly, and not only that, he had nurtured it instead of trying to force Arthur to change.</p><p>   Arthur turns his head so he can kiss his fiancé again, relishing in the gaspy noises Merlin makes as their mouths meet. He slinks one hand around, wrapping his fingers around Merlin's cock. The man jolts at the contact, groaning helplessly as Arthur slowly pumps his hand over the velvety soft skin. He shudders again as Arthur swipes a thumb over the tip, smearing the precome he catches down his shaft.</p><p>   Abruptly, Merlin pulls away, latching his teeth onto the meat of Arthur's shoulder to muffle his groan as his entire body convulses, and he reaches climax. He shoots over Arthur's chest, sinking down onto Arthur one last time as his cock twitches in Arthur's still moving hand. He takes a moment to fight the foggy haze of pleasure in his brain before pulling off of Arthur entirely, and sliding unceremoniously onto the floor. He settles his hands on Arthur's thighs, stretching his lips over Arthur's cock. Arthur's hands move to grip his sweaty locks as he takes Arthur all the way down, relaxing his throat even as his eyes water.</p><p>   "Jesus, Merlin." Arthur groans, voice nearly cracking. "You are so good at this."</p><p>   Merlin hums around him as he pulls back, hollowing his cheeks and providing just the right amount of suction. He only has to dive back down once more before Arthur comes with a shout. Merlin's heavenly mouth works him through it, before slipping off. Arthur gazes down at him with lidded eyes, a spark igniting in his chest even now as he watches a strand of saliva connect Merlin's lower lip with the crown of his softening cock.</p><p>   Crawling back into his lap, Merlin kisses him greedily. Arthur shivers at the taste of himself in this beautiful man's mouth. His heart swells with affection, and clearly Merlin feels and shares the same sentiment, as their kiss turns tender. The languid curling of their tongues settles into loving presses of lips. Finally, they settle into a calm tranquility, eyes closed and foreheads pressed together, as if they could share thoughts directly.</p><p>   "You know," Arthur says, breaking the spell around them, "that day we met in the café, I couldn't get you out of my head afterwards. I was cursing your very existence."</p><p>   A soft rush of laughter washes over him. "Trust me, I had been cursing your existence for far longer. One does not catch a pesky crush for the supposedly straight, golden god of campus without that being an unfortunate side effect."</p><p>   Arthur's eyes open in interest. "I never knew that, <em>Mer</em>lin. Why did you never tell me that you had a crush on me?"</p><p>   "Because you didn't need anything else to inflate your ego any further. Just pretend I never said anything, or none of your shirts will fit over your big head." Merlin retorts.</p><p>   Arthur laughs, care free and with his whole body. "How did someone like you ever see anything in me?" He asks, curious.</p><p>   "I don't know. Dumb luck, I suppose." Merlin says. He laughs as Arthur swats at his head. "Fine. I had always thought you were pompous and arrogant, but then I saw you at the café with Gwen, and even though I could tell that you weren't really into it, you were so genuine. When we actually started talking, you actually listened when we talked, you asked questions like you actually cared. I learned that you definitely <em>were</em> pompous and arrogant, but you also have a good heart. When you feel something, you feel it with your whole being. You devote the entirety of yourself to whatever you do, and remain loyal and committed. I could see the man you were underneath the armour you put on everyday, thanks to Uther, and I fell in love with what I saw, flaws and all."</p><p>   "Here I thought I just had a nice ass." Arthur quips, eyes burning with tears again.</p><p>   "Oh, you definitely have that." Merlin says solemnly, before laughing.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know nothing about weddings, so I looked it up on the iNtErWeBs, and the article I found gave me this order for events. If it’s wrong, blame the World Wide Web. I also know the song I chose only came out this year, but it just felt perfect for them, and I couldn’t resist. Besides, it’s fiction, right?? (I also had a bit of help for the vows from Google, as I used up all my ideas in the last chapter, and kind of hate myself for it...)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   There is a nervous flutter in Arthur's chest, more out of excitement than anything resembling fear. However, he is also on edge. Not being allowed to see Merlin since shortly after breakfast the previous day just seemed to have that effect on him. He wonders how Merlin is doing. Is he holding up okay? Is he feeling nervous himself? Was he having last minute doubts, despite the fact that he had assured Arthur that he wouldn't? His nerves flare higher, and he chastises himself. Merlin wouldn't leave him here alone today.</p><p>   A knock sounds on the door, moments before it opens, admitting Morgana. She's grinning, almost evilly, and Arthur glares. She'd had a hand in his current separation from Merlin, and he still wasn't pleased. Freya and Gwen had insisted that he and Merlin spend the day and night prior to their wedding day separate from each other. Some ridiculous excuse about tradition and good luck. Neither of them had been sold entirely, although Arthur could see Merlin slowly being swayed in their favour, until Morgana stepped in. Saying no to her stern, imposing stance was nearly impossible.</p><p>   "Brother dearest." She says, sounding entirely innocent. "You really do clean up nice, don't you?" She approaches him, reaching out to smooth out a wayward wrinkle in the dark grey jacket he's wearing. She straightens out his tie, sharing an amused look with Leon.</p><p>   "Morgana." Arthur says with a tense smile. "How is Merlin?"</p><p>   Morgana smiles knowingly. "Your beloved is fine, Arthur. I think he's rather enjoying being pampered by Gwen and Freya."</p><p>   The blond smiles at the mental image, turning back to look at his reflection in the mirror. This was it. Today was the day. When he and Merlin tumbled into bed tonight, he would no longer be Arthur Pendragon. He would be Arthur Emrys. Merlin had argued that the two names didn't have the same flow to it as his own surname, but Arthur had insisted. After all, he no longer wanted a link to his father.</p><p>   "Anyway," Morgana says, "we're almost ready for you." She pats his chest, then leaves the room.</p><p>   That flurry of butterflies explodes into an utter frenzy, and he looks at Leon. He's sure he must look utterly terrified, because Leon just smiles reassuringly, and approaches him, stopping by his side. He too has a grey suit on, just like Elyan and Percy did, and Morgana in a grey dress, but instead of a white shirt and blue tie, they all had lighter grey shirt and white bowties. That had been all their idea, not Arthur's.</p><p>   "You ready?" Leon asks, settling a hand on Arthur's shoulder. Arthur meets the man's eyes in the mirror and takes a deep breath.</p><p>   "Yes." He replies in a strong voice.</p><p>   The next few minutes pass in a blur, until Arthur blinks and he's standing outside at the alter, Leon by his side, and the rest of their wedding party standing farther back, all waiting. He shifts nervously, eyes trained on where Merlin will appear. As the seconds tick by, his heart pounds faster and harder in his chest. When the music starts playing, all the guests turning to look for Merlin as well, Arthur thinks his blood might be rushing through him so fact that he's liable to pass out. Then, everything seems to fade away.</p><p>   Merlin looks ethereal in a white suit, matching dark grey shirt underneath, and the same blue tie. His arm is looped through his mother's, and the two of them looks so damn happy that it nearly brings Arthur to tears. Merlin's eyes catch his as they slowly approach, and he grins wider. Just like that, the swarm of butterflies disappears, his racing heart settles, and a feeling of complete and utter peace settles over him. This was where he was always meant to be, waiting for Merlin at the end of a flower lined aisle, their friends and family all gathered to witness and celebrate their love for each other.</p><p>   Hunith presses a kiss to her son's cheek before gently placing his hand in Arthur's outstretched one. She gives the blond a smile, brimming with motherly love, and Arthur again feels slightly choked. This was going to be more difficult than he had first thought. Merlin steps up fully beside Arthur, taking his other hand as he turns to face him.</p><p>   "You look unfairly sexy right now." Merlin murmurs quietly, so only Arthur can hear.</p><p>   "You're one to talk." Arthur replies, making Merlin nearly snort with laughter.</p><p>   As one, they turn their heads to face the officiant, who had heard their exchange and was waiting for them with patient amusement. Arthur's cheeks flush slightly as he nods for the man to start. The man nods back, and opens his mouth to speak. "Welcome family, friends, and loved ones. We are so happily gathered here today to witness the union of Arthur and Merlin..."</p><p>   Arthur tries to pay attention, he really does, but Merlin is just too distracting, and he keeps losing focus to just stare at his soon-to-be husband from the corner of his eye. He only just manages to pull his attention back to the words being said to swap <em>"I do's"</em>, and then again as their officiant says, "I believe they have prepared their own vows. Arthur, would you like to begin?"</p><p>   "Uhm, yes." Arthur says, slightly panicky, and making Merlin snort slightly. Leon appears beside him, holding out the ring, and Arthur grabs it with shaky hands. He inhales deeply as he turns to face Merlin again, nearly losing all thought when he sees the unbridled love in Merlin's eyes. He swallows thickly, and forces his brain to work. Hopefully.</p><p>   "Merlin," he starts, voice strong, "I choose you, to be no other than yourself, loving what I know of you, and trusting who you will become. I will respect and honour you always, and in all ways. With you, I pledge to repair one small piece of the world. I take you to be my partner, to love, and to hold, in tears and in laughter, in sickness and in health. To love and to cherish, from this day forward, in this world and the next."</p><p>   He slowly slides the ring onto Merlin's awaiting finger, the sunlight catching the gold and shining brightly. As it slides into place, Arthur repeats the words inscribed along the inside of the band, "Herein lies my heart."</p><p>   "Merlin." The officiant says warmly, smile evident in his voice. Merlin has to clear his throat roughly, blinking several times to clear his eyes, before he turns to take the ring from Freya. Arthur's heart starts pounding again as Merlin turns back to face him.</p><p>   "Arthur, I promise to love and protect you, and to put energy into keeping our love alive. I will be there for you in good times and bad. I will help you when you need help, and make space for you to be yourself. I will always try to bring you happiness. I will make time for you, and support you in everything you do. I will love, honour, and respect you in happy and sad times. I promise to be faithful to only you, as long as we both live. I promise to be the best husband and partner that I can be. Above all, I will love you from now until our days end."</p><p>   As the cool metal makes it's way over his skin, Arthur blinks back tears. Merlin leans closer to whisper only to him, "I don't need physical things to show my pledge to you, but with this ring, the whole world will see and know my devotion and commitment to you. You are my present, and my future."</p><p>   Rings now both in place, their hands once again curl together. The officiant smiles at each of them in turn. "By the power of your love and loyalty, and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss your groom."</p><p>   Merlin surges forward, pulling his hands from Arthur's to curl around his neck, and kisses him firmly on the mouth. Arthur's hands instinctively go to his waist, holding him close. He's vaguely aware of the guests clapping around them, but he doesn't pay them too much attention, his focus much more intent on Merlin's lips moving against his own. A calm settles over him in that moment, and he feels the happiest that he ever has in his life. There may not be many perfect moments in life, but this definitely was one of them.</p><p>   When he pulls away, Merlin is grinning from ear to ear, and his eyes are glistening with unshed tears. Arthur smiles at him softly, lifting a hand to gently brush the backs of his fingers over his cheekbone. He finally felt complete, in every way possible. Merlin reaches up to cover his hand with one of his own, holding it there for a moment before tangling their fingers together, and moving to lead Arthur back down the aisle.</p><p>   Much to their dismay, after the photos have all been taken, they don't have time for anything other than an thorough snog in Merlin's room before they get whisked away to the reception. They're both decidedly rumpled and horribly flushed, but they don't care. Gwen sighs in faux exasperation as she smooths out their clothes and pats their hair down.</p><p>   "Honestly you two." She says, a fond glint in her eyes. "Do you want to look like you've just tried to pull each other's clothes off for your first dance?"</p><p>   Merlin suddenly looks panicked. "The first dance? I can't believe I forgot about that! Arthur, we never picked anything!"</p><p>   "I got it covered, Merlin, it's fine. Trust me." Arthur replies calmly. He wasn't lying. He had talked extensively with both Leon and Freya, and they had picked a song that they all felt worked for them. He hoped Merlin approved. Before Merlin can ask any questions, however, Freya and Leon are hooking arms and striding into the section of the outdoor venue that had been set up for the reception. The rest of the wedding party follows suit, Gwen with her brother, Gwaine with Percy, and Lance with Morgana.</p><p>   Arthur shoots Merlin a grin. "You ready?"</p><p>   Merlin takes his hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles. "For you? Always."</p><p>   The butterflies come back with a vengeance as Arthur and Merlin step back out into the public eye. Fairy lights have been strung up around the place, and are starting to shine as the sun slowly makes its way down toward the horizon. Merlin turns swiftly to face Arthur again, looping his arms back around the blond's neck. Arthur, in turn, wraps his arms snugly around his waist, and pulls their bodies flush together. Merlin grins as the music starts.</p><p><em>My mother said I'm too romantic,<br/></em> <em>She said, "You're dancing in the movies."</em></p><p>   Merlin huffs a laugh, making Arthur grin. "Really? Sam Smith?"</p><p>   "Hey." Arthur says, pretending to be offended. "We put a lot of thought into this song. Plus, I know you love it."</p><p><em>Maybe it's cause I got a little bit older,<br/></em> <em>Maybe it's all that I've been through.</em></p><p>   Merlin grins as he softly sings along with the next line. "I'd like to think it's how you lean on my shoulder, and how I see myself with you."</p><p>   A blush is permanently on Arthur's cheeks as he takes over the next bit. "I don't say a word, but still you take my breath and steal the things I know. There you go, saving me from out of the cold."</p><p>   They let Sam Smith continue, opting instead to share a sweet kiss as they gently sway together. Arthur loosens his grip on Merlin's waist with one hand, bringing it up to meet one of Merlin's, their fingers curling together as they rest their joined hands on Arthur's shoulder.</p><p><em>When we fight, we fight like lions,<br/></em> <em>But then we love and feel the truth.</em></p><p>   Merlin pulls away first, keeping his eyes closed as he leans his forehead against Arthur's. He sighs happily, the feeling of contentment practically rolling off of him in waves. Arthur squeezes his hand, getting lost in the music, and the feel of Merlin pressed to close. Exactly where he belongs.</p><p><em>Fire on fire, would normally kill us,<br/></em> <em>But this much desire, together we're winners.</em></p><p>   Arthur follows along with the lyrics in his head, opening his eyes a bit as he utters the words, "You are perfection, my only direction."</p><p>   Merlin's eyes open, meeting his as he smiles softly. "It's fire on fire." He murmurs, completely out of sync with the song. Arthur smiles back, kissing him again. Again, Merlin pulls away first, tucking himself into Arthur's neck, head resting slightly on his shoulder, opposite their hands. Arthur's heart feels full to bursting, and he can't think of anywhere else he would rather be.</p><p>   The song slowly comes to an end, and Merlin lifts his head. Arthur grins at him as their guests all clap. They both hear Gwaine make a particularly obnoxious <em>'aww'</em>ing sound. Merlin rolls his eyes, taking Arthur's lead as he steps back. They take their places at the table set for them and their wedding party, Merlin staying standing as Arthur takes a seat. They had agreed that Merlin would probably be the better option for any sort of <em>'thank you'</em> speech, no matter how short it had to be.</p><p>   "We both want to give our sincerest gratitude to everyone here, helping us celebrate our big day. On one hand, it took a while to get here, and on the other, it took almost none at all. Thank you to everyone who helped us along the way. There were a few bumps along the road, but we both had a good support system to carry us through. We love each and every one of you, as you've all made this day very special. Now, I'll stop talking, and we can all eat, yeah?"</p><p>   Cheers go up around the room as Merlin sits. Arthur promptly pulls him into another kiss, sighing happily into his mouth. His husband is even more flushed as he slowly pulls away, and it makes Arthur grin.</p><p>   "I love you, Mr. Emrys." He murmurs. Merlin's eyes sparkle.</p><p>   "I love you, too, Mr. Emrys." Merlin replies, just as quietly. Arthur gives him another quick kiss before reluctantly pulling away as the caterers start bringing out the food.</p><p>   Dinner in an enjoyable affair, their friends and family engaging in hearty conversation around them. After dinner come the speeches. Leon's has Arthur blushing bright red as he regales everyone with embarrassing stories about Arthur, no doubt helped along by Morgana. He ends it on a much nicer note, giving Arthur a proud smile and a friendly pat on the back. Freya is much nicer to Merlin, and has almost everyone in tears by the time she's done, Merlin included. He rises to his feet to give her a big hug, the both of them sharing a private, watery laugh as they speak. Hunith has a few prepared words as well, and since Arthur has no parents present, she steps into the role for both of them. By the time she's done, even Arthur is discreetly wiping at the tears gathering in his eyes.</p><p>   They cut the cake after the speeches are done, Merlin thoroughly enjoying Arthur's indignant huff as he smears icing across the blond's face. Arthur swears to get his retribution when Merlin least expects it, merely making Merlin laugh more. They feed each other a bite each, then one of the caterers takes over to cut pieces and hand them out to the guests. As they sit back down, Arthur smears icing across Merlin's lower lip, then ducks in to teasingly lick it off. He smirks when he hears Merlin moan softly against his lips and tongue.</p><p>   "Soon, Dear Husband." Arthur promises. "We have to mingle with the guests for at least a little while before we can make our escape. It's only fair. Let them have a little bit of you now before I hog you all to myself for the foreseeable future."</p><p>   Merlin's eyes flash with heat. "I think I like the sound of that."</p><p>   Eventually, the real party starts. Gwaine, who had insisted he sort out the music, introduces the DJ as an old childhood friend. As the music starts up properly again, everyone takes to the set up dance floor. Merlin gives Arthur a quick kiss, then leaves to pull his mother to the floor for a dance. Arthur watches as mother and son twirl and sway with the music, and finds himself smiling.</p><p>   "So, how does it feel to finally be a married man?" Morgana asks, suddenly appearing in Merlin's chair beside him. Arthur glances at her after startling slightly, then looks back over at Merlin, taking in his happy smile, the utter delight in his eyes.</p><p>   "You know, it feels pretty good. Feels right." He replies.</p><p>   "I'm proud of you, Arthur." Morgana says, making the blond look at her. "You've come such a long way. You've overcome years of damage inflicted by Uther, and instead of being jaded by it all, you've come out stronger. Happier. You're practically glowing."</p><p>   Arthur blushes as he ducks his head slightly. "I mostly have Merlin to thank for that." He counters.</p><p>   "Merlin has helped, there's no doubt about that." Morgana says. "But only you could have broken away from Uther the way you did. It doesn't matter that you had help along the way. It was your decision to choose yourself over what that man wanted from you."</p><p>   "Thank you, 'Gana." Arthur says quietly. "You've helped me a lot. Sometimes, I wonder if Merlin and I would even be here without you, and Leon, and the others. So much has happened, and I feel like we've all come a long way."</p><p>   Morgana reaches out to take one of Arthur's hands in both of hers. "You can always count on me, Arthur. Just as you can always count on those friends of yours. You and Merlin, though, I never had any doubts about you two. I could tell from the moment you told me about him that he was it for you."</p><p>   Arthur blushes more, giving her an almost bashful smile. He doesn't get to say anything else, however, as Merlin chooses that moment to appear behind him. Arthur relaxes into him as he wraps his arms around his shoulders. Morgana smiles knowingly at them, then gets to her feet, saying something about finding Leon. She ignores Arthur's startled look as she walks away.</p><p>   "My mum has requested your presence." Merlin says softly. He kisses Arthur's golden locks as the blond nods.</p><p>   "Of course." Arthur replies. Merlin lets go as Arthur gets to his feet. Before he can leave to find Hunith, who was no doubt waiting patiently for him, Merlin pulls him into a languid, loving kiss. Arthur is a little dazed as he goes off in search of Hunith, as a result.</p><p>   As promised, the two of them make their rounds through the group of guests. Aside from Hunith, they both dance with Gwen, Arthur glares discreetly <em>(not really)</em> as Gwaine pulls Merlin into his arms and dramatically twirls him around, they both take a moment to watch Morgana dancing with Leon with keen interest, and place bets on when the wedding will be when they catch sight of Gwen and Lance dancing together while staring lovingly into each other's eyes. For a full hour and a half, Arthur is patient, sharing Merlin with their guests. However, when the opportunity presents itself, he swoops in to grab Merlin, and pulls him from the crowd.</p><p>   The sky overhead is dark, the stars visible in a way that they never are in the thick of the city. Arthur follows a small, lit path to a fairly secluded gazebo, strung with more fairy lights. In the light of day, a beautiful and lush garden surrounds the small structure on three sides. In the dark, only those blooms closest enough are semi-visible in the soft glow of the lights overhead. Still, the place has a romantic feel to it, and Merlin turns to Arthur with a smile.</p><p>   "Isn't it a little late to be trying to woo and impress me?" He asks jokingly. "You already managed to get a ring on it."</p><p>   At Merlin's words, Arthur reaches down to take his left hand into his, bringing it up close enough to barely brush his lips over the gold band adorning his finger. He flicks his eyes up to meet Merlin's, keeping his knuckles close to his lips.</p><p>   "Herein lies my heart." He murmurs against Merlin's skin, making the man's eyes go incredibly soft. He steps closer, settling their joined hands against Arthur's chest.</p><p>   "And here, lies mine." Merlin replies.</p><p>   With his free hand curled around Merlin's neck, he pulls him into a kiss. Merlin goes willingly, kissing Arthur back almost greedily. Their kiss breaks due to Arthur chuckling as he feels Merlin's free hand reach down to grip his ass. Merlin gives him a cheeky grin.</p><p>   "I love you, Arthur." Merlin says, growing serious. "I am incredibly lucky to have found my soulmate in my best friend."</p><p>   "And I am incredibly lucky that you put up with me." Arthur says, making Merlin laugh. Arthur loves Merlin's laugh. The way his eyes squint, how honest to god <em>happy</em> he both looks and sounds. It fills him with an undeniable warmth.</p><p>   "Yes, you are. I'm quite good at it, actually." Merlin replies, smile still firmly fixed on his lips. Instead of answering, Arthur just kisses him gently again. This time, Merlin's hand tangles in the hair on the back of his head, keeping him in place as he licks into Arthur's mouth. The blond happily lets Merlin take whatever he wants, matching his intensity step for step.</p><p>   They end up on the small bench set in around the gazebo's perimeter, Arthur leaning back against the wooden railing with Merlin straddling his thighs. A red bruise is already forming on Arthur's neck, right over his pulse point, his heart fluttering madly just under the skin. Both of them have horribly messy hair, and decidedly tight trousers. Merlin pulls back, panting heavily against Arthur's swollen lips.</p><p>   "We should probably head back." He says regretfully. Arthur wrinkles his nose and shakes his head.</p><p>   "They've all had enough of you. I don't want to share anymore." Arthur says, all but pouting. Merlin chuckles fondly, brushing a barely there kiss across Arthur's lips. The blond chases his mouth fruitlessly as Merlin pulls back again.</p><p>   "You get to have me for the rest of your life. The least you could do is share me a bit, every now and then." He replies, soundly endlessly amused.</p><p>   Arthur hums, pretending to think about it. "I <em>could</em>," he says, "but I think that I'd much rather <em>at least</em> suck you off right here. Our guests can wait a little longer."</p><p>   He watches with satisfaction as Merlin's eyes darken considerably. He groans almost helplessly as he dives back down to kiss the blond. Arthur mentally grins, knowing that he's won. He pushes at Merlin's hips, separating their lips as he guides Merlin to sit beside him. He gives him a wicked grin as he slides off the bench, settling on the wooden floor between Merlin's legs. Merlin stares down at him with hooded eyes. He lifts his hands to gently cradle Arthur's jaw for a moment. Arthur swallows at the intensity in Merlin's eyes.</p><p>   Finally, he licks his lips, and reaches for Merlin's belt. "Let me know if anyone starts coming this way. This place here is by no means private to just us." He says, pulling Merlin's trousers down far enough to palm his cock through his briefs.</p><p>   "What? Arthur!" Anything else Merlin was about to exclaim gets cut off as Arthur pulls him out and swallows him down. Yes, everything in his life was now simply perfect.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Obviously, all credits for the song lyrics go to Sam Smith 👑🙏 if you’ve never heard the song Fire on Fire, then go do that now 🖤🖤 </p><p>If you haven’t looked me up on Tumblr yet, my username is messandahalf10. I share all my favourite fandoms and ships there, so come hang out!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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